Warum die meisten sich selbst die Richtung verbauen

0:00the activation energy of using the things that you don't like. >> You have to be careful that you're using them and that they're not using you still. And a lot of the time I get this and in my more juvenile moments I I see myself do this where I'll know that there's a game that somebody else that I don't like cares about. >> Yeah. >> And I'll imagine myself playing that game to beat them so that I can stick it to them,

0:27>> right? purely for the reason of sticking it to them. Let's say that there's someone that really cares about being in shape and I'm not in as good shape as I have been in the past. And I know that with muscle memory, if you give me 18 months and a good amount of testosterone, like the thing that they care about, >> I would be able to make them feel really bad about. >> Right. >> Okay. So, I would hijack my own direction. >> Yeah.

0:52purely to try and prove somebody else wrong in a desperate and and somehow believe that that's me taking control of my life. Are you kidding me? I'm allowing them to ventriloquise me. >> Yeah. >> Through pain that they didn't even mean to give me. >> Yeah. >> The woman in the black dress. >> Uh the black pill equivalent, >> right? No. Like now it's like not even a distraction from your main goal. It's like I'm going to make a new goal just to wrong this person and then somehow make make up the story that I'm in control of my life when I'm I'm really just acting in complete reaction to this person. And so in so doing in beating them at their own game, they've already won by default.

1:31>> Yep. Because they got me to change the game I was playing. Forget about who won. It's like, dude, you were over there and now you're over here. I see this with a lot of people. I I I think that it contributes to a lot more of why and how people adopt societal norms that the resentment that they have. It's it's not just other people want this thing, therefore I matically want to do this thing, too. It's I know that other people will respect me and that my resentment will feel justified and manifest if I win at it. And that's really compelling. That's like a motivational spit roasting coming in from both ends. And it's it's really really powerful and you need to be careful.

2:11>> I mean I think you know one of the really early blessings and I'll be honest like this is where I think I was fortunate right like I I realized when I was about 28 right um that I had been trying really hard to beat I mean you'll notice a common theme with a lot of my stories but I have one central person that I was trying to prove for a very long time which was my father. Um, and we're on good terms, by the way, because I always get that question.

2:38But, uh, this was after I left and he disapproved of my whole thing and for 5 years we didn't talk very much. And so, he calls me up, um, to he says, "Hey, you're going to want to sit down for this." And I'm like, "Okay, what are you pregnant?" You know, um, [laughter] and so he says, "I'm sorry." And and I was like, "For what?" And he was like, "For everything." Right? Now, mind you, like this is a Middle Eastern father, born in Iran to a Middle to a Middle Eastern father there who was even more legit.

3:07Like when where my father was born, women weren't allowed to drive cars. Cars came with drivers with them when you bought them. The driver came with the car. Like he was born in a very different world. Like fathers don't apologize to sons. It just it was it just wasn't that way. And I have a little bit more a little bit more awareness than I did then. And I can see that now. But for me, I was like Now you apologize. You know what I mean?