Wie Leila Hormozi mit 28 ein Imperium aufbaute, Teil 1

0:03Leila, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast. Thanks for having me Hala So young and profits today on the show were joined by Leila Hormozi, a first generation I Iranian American entrepreneur, investor, and philanthropist. Leila started her career in fitness and today she's widely known as a scaling operations and management expert. And with these skills, she's acquired a net worth of nearly a hundred million dollars by the time she was 28 years old.

0:30Today, Leila is the co-founder of holding. acquisition.com alongside her husband, Alex, for Mosey. And together they invest their monetary and intellectual capital into other businesses. Alex and Leila seem to be taking over the world lately and currently acquisition.com is responsible for over 200 million in yearly revenue across a variety of industries. Alex for Mosey recently came on yet for two-part episode, and today I'm honored to have his other half, Leila Hermo, who is equally as impressive and as business savvy on the show.

1:00And in today's episode, Leila and I will discuss her upbringing and how she became the business maven that she is today. We'll hear Leila's guidance from making lasting behavioral change, and we'll get an understanding of how we can design a hiring system and a management system that creates wonderful places to work and gets our teams running like well-oiled machines. So Leila. When we look at personalities as adults, we can often drive, uh, the reasoning behind our strongest personality traits from our childhood, right?

1:30We can often see the experiences that we had sort of shape us as we're an adult. So you are an extraordinary example of an entrepreneur, so I'd love to understand, uh, what were your experiences growing up? How do you think they shaped you as the entrepreneur that you are today? Yeah, you know, I think it's experiences and also lack of experiences, right? And so if I look at what I had as a child and what I didn't have as a child, um, which I'm really grateful for because it's made me who I am today.

1:57Um, I didn't have a very present mother figure after a certain point in my life. Um, my parents got divorced when I was young. Um, they got divorced. My mother kind of went. off the rails, you know, into alcohol and drugs and um, just not down a good path. Mm-hmm. and I still continued to live with her during that time because when my parents were married, um, my dad and my mom, like my dad was always at work and so I wasn't really close with him. And so when the divorce came, it was kinda like, you're gonna live with mom because she was a great mom up until that point in my life.

2:26Um, but at that point, a shift took, so, so my sister actually at that point, it was six years older than me, left the house. Uh, it was time for her to go to college and then my dad left cuz they were getting divorced. And so it was me and my mom. Mm-hmm., then her dad died and that really set her off. And so that was when she went down, you know, and not great trajectory into, uh, alcohol. And I witnessed it as a young kid. And so there was quite a bit of like a lack of leadership. Mm-hmm.

2:53. Um, because I went, I would go to my dad's I think once every two weeks in the beginning. Um, but I hid what was going on from my dad because I was afraid that I would have to go live with him. And at that point I didn't really have a relationship.. Which is crazy to say cuz like now I'm so close with my dad, he's amazing. But at that point, we didn't have the closest relationship mm-hmm. and I was a kid and I just wanted to be near my mom. Right. And so she kind of continued down this spiral, uh, with alcohol. And I, you know, tried to, I think that honestly what happened was that I became the parent in the household at a very young age.

3:23And so she kind of turned into, or, or regressed into acting more like a child. And so I naturally turned into acting more like an adult. Like, I would clean the house, I would take care of the animals. Cause we had like a ton of animals at that point in time. Mm-hmm. Um, I would take out the trash. I would make sure there was food. Like I would take care of myself. So like, I would go to my friend's house, I would get food there. Like, I would make sure, like I was taken care of. I got my homework done on my own. I went to bed on time. Like, and so I learned it at a really young age.

3:48You know, I think I, that was between the ages of, uh, with all that happening, I wanna say between nine and then it ended when I was 15.. So, you know, it was a lot of, you know, her not coming home, being gone for days on end when she was home being drunk and not present. Um, and me having to, during that time learn to be an adult. Yeah. Right. And so I think it really accelerated that process cuz I actually don't think that I would be who I am today if my parents had stayed together.

4:17Wow. Like, I think both of them were very much like they came from the generation that became helicopter parents. And so like, I think that if they had stayed together, I probably would've been, I dunno if I can say bad words on this spot. No, you can. I would've been not, I would've been a pussy. Honestly. It's like what? I think that's like what comes to mind. I'm like, I think I just would've been kind of like really like sheltered, um, my whole life. And so I'm really grateful that it happened because what it inspired within me was a motivation that I don't think I otherwise would've had.

4:45And I'll tell you the moment that I had this. was, I was sitting in the office of my, my childhood home and my mom, it was like 3:00 AM She had told me she was gonna be home multiple days in a row, wasn't home, it's 3:00 AM I'm calling her. I'm like, are you dead? Like, just tell me you're alive. Right? And at that point it was just like, I just wanna make sure she was still alive. Mm-hmm., that was all it was. And I was sitting there and I called her like 10 times in a row and I remember I put down the phone, I was like, this woman's not gonna answer I was like, and I am not gonna change this woman and I'm not gonna change this situation.

5:17And like, I get chills every time I think about, I'm like 10 years old at this point. Wow. And I remember thinking to myself, there's nothing I can do to change my mom. I can't change my mom, but I can change my current situation and my life. And in that moment I remember making a choice, which was one, the rest of my life will make up for how shitty., like not having, feeling like you have a parent figure, right? Like watching them like degrade their lives, like go down the drain. It sucked.

5:44And I was always stressed and it felt like it was living in a constant state of fear. And so I remember thinking like, I have to make up for this later on and I wanna be an inspiration to others who are in similar situations. Mm-hmm. And I don't know where that came from, but it was just the first thought that popped into my mind. And then the second thought that came with that was, I will no longer sacrifice my life for hers. Because what I was doing at that point was my whole life revolved around making sure my mom was still alive, making sure that she wasn't drinking too much, hiding the bottles, pouring them out, like doing all of that.

6:15And I realized that I couldn't do that anymore. And so within, I think a matter of months, um, she actually, you know, kind of went even further and further down. Um, And ended up calling the police one day they came. Uh, and that was the last time I ever lived with my mother. I went to go live with my dad after that. So that was after about five or six years of living with just her in that condition.

6:41Um, and it was actually really weird because going to live with my dad was very uncomfortable. Hmm. And the reason it was uncomfortable is because I had parents and I felt like for those years that I was living with her, you know, I would see my dad once every two weeks for a day or two. But like, I felt like this huge portion of my childhood, I didn't have any guides, I didn't have any parents, I didn't have anyone watching over me in the sense that, you know, I didn't feel supported. And so it was a very tough transition.

7:09You know, I think I rebelled a ton. Um, it took me into a very angry place. I had a lot of anger for the fact that, one, I felt like I knew how to parent and lead myself, but now I had to be in this household where I had siblings who I didn't really know well, they're my step siblings. Right? Not like they were bad or anything, they're just., you know, I'm around them. I'm the youngest also, so everyone treats me like a kid. Mm-hmm. And I'm thinking to myself, I've been taking care of myself for the last five fucking years, you know? And so it felt very much like in reverse, like these things should have happened in the opposite order.

7:37Yeah. And so it turned me into a very angry teenager. Um, you know, I started kind of going down the path of just rebelling against anything my dad wanted me to do. You know, I'd always been, despite everything with my mother, like a very good student. Um, I still was a very good friend. I was like a very, I had a lot of integrity and I kind of started going in the opposite direction. You know, I started drinking, I started sneaking out, I started doing a lot of stuff. But it was intermittent because that was during high school and there's only so much you can do. Yeah.

8:05And, you know, right. And so I think that it kind of, you know, snowballed when I got into college because I remember the right after I graduated high school, the feeling of freedom I had, you know, being like, I now don't have authority anymore over me. and still having this intense anger inside of me, and also anxiety, um, going into college and it just manifested in, you know, first getting invited to parties and then like going and drinking too much and then going to parties, not just on the weekends, but on weeknights.

8:37And then it was like, you're partying all the time, you're drinking all the time. Mm-hmm.. And that led to me getting arrested six times in 18 months. And people always ask, what did you get arrested for? I'm like, literally just all alcohol. It was all alcohol related. And so it put me in a really dark spot. Um, you know, because I'd spent the better part of my life up until then being this almost like hero to my mom being like the parent figure. And then it was like the moment that, you know, I got out of the house and I went into college and I had access to all these things, it was like 18 months of just ruining my body and myself and, you know, um, losing a lot of respect for myself during that time.

9:15Yeah. And it got to a point where, There was an incident where I was, I think I passed out on someone's like deck. And the police found me and they took me to my dad's house. And I remember I woke up in my dad's house and I was like, oh fuck. You know, what did I do? I was not here, right? I was living on my own at this point. And I was like, I'm at my dad's house right now and I don't remember what happened. I was like, this is not good.

9:41And I came downstairs and my dad was like almost in tears, and he sat me down and he was like, listen. He was like, I'm not gonna try and change you and I'm not going to try and tell you you shouldn't do these things. Like you're out on your own now. He's like, but I'm just telling you like I think that you could kill yourself if you continue with this behavior. And that was really hard to hear from my dad, who I have so much respect for. And you know, he's such a good person. He's always tried to be the best parent possible.

10:09And it was in that moment that it was almost like a flash came in and I was like, who was that? Little girl. Like remember that little girl that was sitting in the office with her, you know, at her mom's house who just wanted to be a better version of herself. Mm-hmm., who just wanted to be an inspiration to others. And all of that almost seemed to like flood back into me. And it fled back again, I think, in the form of anger,, which again is interesting, but it's a theme you'll see here.

10:33Um, I was angry at myself, but I think that, and I think a lot of people will say, oh, you don't wanna be angry with your, it was a very useful emotion for me at that time. Mm-hmm., because I was angry of where I let myself go, that I'm so smart and knew better and still went down that path. And I used that anger to fuel myself to lose 85 pounds, to get good grades in college, to, you know, start pursuing, you know, self-development, personal development outside of that, you know, to start pursuing mentors.

11:02And that was really what propelled me to turn my life around was, you know, that moment sitting there with my dad feeling just like, Honestly like a piece of shit. Yeah. Like, I hate saying that, but I just felt like I felt like a dirtbag. Like I just felt so bad about myself and I was like, I have to see out what I said I would do when I was younger. I want to become that person, and this doesn't have to be the end. Like I was like, I'm young, you know? At that point I'm 19.

11:29I'm like, I can turn this around. Mm-hmm., I did all that in 18 months. Imagine how fast I can go in the opposite direction,. And so it really was that it was channeling some of the same emotions to go in the opposite direction. and that was what really propelled me to change my life. And really, you know, I think I have a strong focus on behavior change because I've done it so much for myself. Yeah. Um, and I think a lot of the reason I'm drawn towards leadership is because I think that I have learned to lead myself over the years and I've also learned to lead myself out of a bad spot.

12:00And I think that a lot of people, especially nowadays, uh, with social media, nobody wants to talk about, you know, their setbacks and if they just wanna show that they're perfect and they don't wanna show that they fucked up. Yeah. And. I wanna share that I've fucked up. And you can still come out the other side, like there's still time. 100%. I mean, there's so many lessons to be learned in this story and I also was like, party an me and you are both of Middle Eastern descent.

12:26We, we we're locked up in high school, right? Like they don't let us date do any, I mean, for me at least, like I was locked up during high school. When I went to college, I was in party mode. But like you, I ended up turning it around when I was like 19 and, and kind of getting back on track and it's not too late. And I, like I mentioned to you before we really started recording, most of my listeners are male, right? They're young male listeners. And I had Scott Galloway on the show who's a New York, uh, NYU Stern professor.

12:54Bestselling author, huge podcaster. And he always talks about men are in trouble right now, young men. And he told me some troubling statistics. He believes young men are struggling to compete because women and men now have an equal playing field in terms of education and business. So soon two women will graduate college for every one. Man, male earnings are declining, it's leading to lower marriage rates, lots of other problems.

13:18And in general, I feel, cuz my young male listeners reach out to me and DM me and send me voice notes all the time about how they're so unmotivated, they're unfocused, they can't stop partying, they're playing too many video games, they're not, you know, joining communities and they're just lost. you know, and I feel like this point in your life, you did turn it around and you did, you know, go on this self-development journey.

13:44And so I really wanted to unpack what you actually did to catch yourself out of this party mode and to turn things around. Yeah, I, you know, I started listening to Tony Robbins and Jim Roh, which now it's kind of funny. I think they're probably outdated at this point, and the younger generation doesn't listen to them. But I learned a lot from them. And one of the first things was, what am I consuming and who am I hanging out with? And so the first thing that I did was I stopped watching Netflix.

14:12I remember I like got rid of my subscription. I started watching YouTube. I started watching like there was different like platforms at that point of online videos. I started watching Tony Robbins, Jim Roh. I started listening to Rich Dad, poor Dad. I started pouring myself into education rather than entertainment. Mm. Right. That was the first thing that I did, and that was the swap I made in my head. I was like, no more entertainment. Only education. Mm-hmm. For now, this season, does that mean I can't watch an episode of something later on? No.

14:37But for right now, I've had so much momentum in the wrong direction. I need to get momentum in the right direction. Right. Inertia is real, and so I was like, I need to turn this around immediately. So I went all in on self-development in terms of Tony Robbins, Jim Roone, rich Dad, poor dad. So it was a lot of behavioral change, mindset and even money beliefs, right? Because I felt like I didn't have the best beliefs around money. The second thing I did was looking at all the people I was hanging out with and really doing an audit of.

15:07do these people want me to succeed or are they feeding the bad habits I have today? Mm-hmm. not cause they're toxic. I hate that word. I'm like, when people look they're toxic. I'm like, fucking, you set some boundaries. We're adults. Right? like just set boundaries. And so I was like, here's my new boundaries. Some of these people I'm not friends with. Some of these people I see once a month. Some of these people I only talk on the phone to. And I wrote it down in my notebook what I was gonna do with all of my friends. And I don't even think I've told any of them that to this day. And you know, a lot of them probably don't have the best things to say because I kind of disappeared from the face of the earth for a while.

15:37Mm-hmm. But I knew that's what I needed to do because I just knew that I'm such a, at that point, I was such a people pleaser. Like I wanted to. It's almost like you wanna excel in any theater. I also wanted to be the biggest partier that could drink the most, that was the coolest, that could throw the biggest parties. And so it's like I needed to channel that somewhere else. Mm-hmm. I need to get around people who didn't think that that was something that would drive status, but instead thought that was something like you look down upon. Mm-hmm. Right.

16:02And so then I started saying, okay, who are the people that I want to get around? I realized I didn't have any at that point, there was nobody in my inner circle that I felt like would contribute to my growth, and so this was while I was in college. Right. I was like, I have to move. Like I can't right now. I'm gonna graduate. But I set my eyes on it. I was like, I'm moving to California. I remember I decided it one night when my friends all went to the bar and I went with them.

16:29and I was like, I'm so fucking over this, because I was trying to still do some things with them. You know, it was like once a month I'd go out and I'd be the, uh, DD or whatever, but I was like, I hate this. I would rather be trying, I would rather be doing something that was driving me towards my goals, not doing something just to like maintain friendships that are pretty much the surface level now. Mm-hmm.. And so it was that night, I remember I told my friends, I said, you guys, I'm moving to California after I graduate. And they were like, what are you talking about?

16:54I was like, yeah, I've just decided, I like decided in that moment. And then I told everybody that night, I told everyone I'm moving to California after I graduate, I'm moving to California after I grad. Like, and then that was it. And so after I graduated, that was the biggest, that was one of the biggest, if not the most, like the unlock for my personal growth was I moved all the way across the country when I didn't know anybody. I didn't really have a plan. I didn't have anything over there waiting for me.

17:20Um, and I didn't know how I was gonna make money or how I was gonna make it work. And I'm like a young woman, right? Like, it's not like I'm like, You know, I'm 20 when I went over there, I think I was what, 21? Mm-hmm.. Um, and that was what stirred up so much for me because, you know, I think a lot of people like, tell me the books that you read. Tell me the stuff. What I did was I put myself in a situation where my back was against the wall and I was insanely uncomfortable. Like to the point where like, when I would move there, I remember on a weekly basis having panic attacks.

17:49I didn't know anybody. I didn't have any support system. I didn't know how I was gonna make money. I mean, it was terrifying. And not to mention I bought, or I, uh, signed a lease for an apartment online that ended up being like in the ghetto with like hard wire on the fence and shit. I get there and I'm like, who came a walk in my own neighborhood? You know what I mean? And so it was a really unsettling experience and I quickly learned, you know, that I had to make it work for myself.

18:16Nobody could do it for me. No amount of affirmations and mindset work was gonna go do the work. And I think that that is where a lot of people go wrong is it's great to have positive things you say to yourself. It's important in much of a sense that you talk to yourself like you're your best friend. Yes. But if you take no action, none of that matters. And I think that a lot of the times nowadays, people are spending so much time in their heads. That's what I feel like this generation's doing.

18:42They spend more time in their heads than they do taking action. Mm-hmm. feelings and beliefs can follow the action. If you can just get yourself to take action when you are scared shitless, you will change your thoughts and beliefs. You can act despite not believing it's going to work. And that is exactly what I did. I didn't know how I was gonna make it work, you know? And then I went and I applied and I worked at, I applied to every gym within walking distance of my apartment. And I got accepted all of them. But I was like, they were like, oh, you have a three month training program, you get paid like $9 an hour.

19:11And I was like, fuck no, I'm not gonna not be able to pay my rent. So I went to the only gym that was like, you can make money immediately., which was 24 Hour Fitness. And that was where I learned how to sell. But then you have to understand, I went there having only knowledge of like how to lose weight, nutrition, whatever I learned at college that didn't really matter. Mm-hmm., I go there and they're like, you need to go sell some shit if you wanna make money. Like you go get your own clients. And I was like, oh shit. Again, my back stands the wall. I'm like, what do I do? Like I'm not a salesperson.

19:39I never identified as a salesperson. I was like, the last thing for it kind of disgusted me, even the word. And I was like, fuck, I have to, there's, what else am I gonna do? And I remember the first time that I approached him on at the gym,, uh, I was terrified and I went up to this woman, they were like, go talk to people on the ellipticals, on the gyms that you see not doing things right. Whatever. Go try to get them to your clients. And I went up to swim and I was like, excuse me. And she was like, she looks at me, she stops. She goes, fuck off.

20:08. And that was my first experience., there's just rejection from day one. And so it was really hard. Um, but. That feeling of stress and anxiety, I channeled into learning. I was like, I cannot, I won't, no amount of thinking is going to get me outta this situation. I need to learn these skills and I need to become this different person in order to get out of this situation. Mm-hmm.

20:33. And so I took all that anxiety and all that stress, all that frenetic energy that I had, and I poured it into learning. I poured it into learning sales. I poured it into learning how to retain customers. I poured it into learning how to become a teammate. Cause I didn't even know how to do that. Mm-hmm.. Right. And that was when I spent a lot of my time doing. And so I think that a lot of the times when people are asking about self-development and, you know, personal development, I think that there's a piece missing, which is a lot of people believe that you have to have, you have to think a certain way and you have to believe something before you do.

21:06and that's just never been the case in my life. Mm-hmm., if you had told me like, did you believe you were gonna make all this money by age of fuck? No. Like, no. And then they're like, do you believe the acquisition.com is gonna become a billion? No. But I'm doing it because I know logically that it makes sense and I'm capable. Yeah. Does that make sense? 100%. It's like this small consistent action taking action. And I see something really similar, and I say it when it's, when it comes to rejection.

21:32I've been rejected a lot of times. Like I almost had a show on M T V, I got rejected. I almost was a host on Hot 97. I got rejected, almost got rejected at Sirius xm. And I always say the reason how I like became successful is I just, every time I got rejected, I just channel channeled it until, until learning something. Just learning a new skill and getting amazing at it, you know, and that's what I did every time. And it sounds very similar to what you're saying. So let's, let's move on to your sales skills, cuz you say that you knew nothing about sales when you went to California, but you ended up being the top selling personal trainer in your region, I think within a year, right?

22:06If you didn't have any sales experience previously, you said you got it from experience. I guess what would you say your top things that you learned as a salesperson during that time was? Cuz now you've carried that skill and used it in multiple ways throughout your career. Yeah, I think that there's two things. Um, because, you know, Alex and I, when we met, for example, like we both had sales aptitude, but we sell completely differently. Mm-hmm. and I know that cuz we sold side by side for a year with each other,. Um, and our, our conversations sound completely different and we both had like around the same closing rate.

22:38I. Can sell things, and, and most people can sell things that they believe in, right? And so I think that a lot of the times people are trying to, like, if you look at the mechanics of sales, we're trying to fake belief like salespeople, sales training is often faking belief in the product. When I think I found a product that I believed in, which was personal training, nutrition, you know, losing weight. Like I truly believed in that. And that was the first thing.

23:04And that's why I advise a lot of salespeople to reach out to me. They're like, I just, I'm not getting it. I'm like, do you believe in the product? And they're like, fundamentally, no, I'm actually, you know, there's like a vegan selling meat or something Like, it's just, it just fundamentally doesn't match with their belief systems. The first step is that you have to make sure that you are being integris, which means like what you think, what you say and what you do are all aligned. And so for me, the one thing that I realized by speaking with different people, especially I think my boss at that time, he was a sales manager, he was really good.

23:33He was like, Leila, do you believe in this? And I was like, absolutely.. He's like, well then why do you not feel convicted to try and get people to buy it? And that was the unlock for me was if you believe in something and you really know it's the right option and the best option for somebody, I'm obligated to try and get them to buy it. Mm-hmm. Because I'm thinking he, I'm like, what other options do they have? Not many, right? Like this is the way that it actually has to go. It's the hardest and it's the most expensive, but it's definitely the best.

24:00And so I think that it was the first one is having, having integrity about the product that you're selling, which sounds super cheesy. It's not tactical at all, but a lot of people are very misaligned. Mm-hmm. You'd be surprised. Know people that messaged me and they say, I'm just not selling. And then I say, do you even believe in the thing? They switch jobs and then they're the top closer? Mm-hmm. And that was the first thing for me was I had done it myself. I had lost all the weight. I had seen how it changed my life. It's not hard to preach that to other people. And it's not hard to try and sell someone. because I would if that wasn't paid. Yeah.

24:28Right. Yeah. You need, that was the first thing. Yeah. You need that conviction. So you have the confidence when you're selling. Otherwise people can just see right through you. A hundred percent. And if you really believe in it, the conviction comes naturally. You don't have to fake it. Mm-hmm.. But the second thing that I did learn that was a skill was having the right frame for the conversation. Because a lot of people who really believe in a product are still people pleasing while they're trying to sell. Hmm.

24:55And so because they're trying to get that person to like them, rather than trying to get that person to buy or to make a decision, that's what they're really doing. Right. They want the person to like them more than they want the person to buy or make a decision. Mm-hmm.. And so they're trying to tiptoe around it. I had to make that frame shift and I realized I have to be the authority. Just like, you know, if someone's the leader in a business, you're not gonna be liked all the time. It's important though, that you're able to positively influence people in the business. Does that mean they're always gonna like you for it? No. But will they be better for it?

25:23Yes. Mm. It's the same in sales. And so I had to learn how to develop more confidence and more of an authoritative frame within myself. How I spoke, how I led, how I led the conversation. I didn't let them lead the conversation. Mm-hmm., that was the biggest unlock for me, was re realizing that I have to be the one leading them through the conversation. I'm the authority in this conversation, and I should be because I actually give a shit. Yeah. Like who better to be an authority than someone who actually cares about the person on the other side. Yeah.

25:50So it's like telling them, telling them something like the truth, even though, even though it hurts and it's not gonna make you the most liked person, but it's gonna help them accomplish their goal. I can't tell, I mean, a man could never say this to a woman during a consultation, but the amount of times I said, when's the last time you had sex with the lights on to a woman? Because I knew she didn't, because I wouldn't have either when I was fat. Nobody wants to see that. You don't wanna see it yourself. Mm-hmm. I was like, when's the last time that you like put on clothing in front of a mirror?

26:18Wow. Cause they don't, if someone's out of her weight, they don't even look in a mirror. So it's, it's those questions that though they hurt and they don't feel good in the moment, I was like, that is what's going to make someone, that's what's gonna get someone to make a decision that's gonna better their life. Mm-hmm.. And I think the difference between manipulation and influence is manipulation is getting someone to do something that's detrimental to themselves. Whereas influence is getting someone to do something that is beneficial for themselves and in line with their own personal goals and autonomy.

26:42And that's what I, that was really the one piece that I needed to succeed in sales was understanding that I was the authority and I had all the evidence to, you know, back that I should be the authority. And I also had the, the give a shit where it made sense to me to be. Yeah. Makes total sense. Great advice. So let's talk about your agenda at one point to find a man, right. I heard a story, I've heard you say the story that you were doing a bumble date every single weekend because you realized that dating was sort of a volume game and then you met Alex.

27:15So I'd love to hear that story.. Yeah. So I'll tell you how it started, which was, I actually worked at 24 and my boss at that time, who was a sales manager, he was like, I told him, I was like, I got on, you know, Tinder and Bumble. I was like, Tinder's disgusting, but Bumble seems fine. Mm-hmm.. And he was, I remember I said like, I, you know, I'm gonna try and go on a date every couple weeks, something, something. And he said, you know, Layla, he's like, I think dating is a lot like sales. I was like, how? He's like, well, I think it's a numbers game.

27:43Like think about how many consults you have to have with somebody in order to get a client. And I was like, yeah. He's like, well, how many dates do you think you have to go on in order to get somebody to be a boyfriend? Maybe even more. I was like, interesting. He's like, and I remember he said this. He's like, don't you think that dating would be very good practice for sales? And I was like, how? So? He's like, well, you're meeting strangers. You're having to basically sell yourself to them and you're in uncomfortable situations. And I was like, huh.

28:07So he essentially sold me on this concept, and so, I said, okay, well how do I, how do I work leads right now in my sales job?, okay, I'm just gonna do that. But for dating, which was, you know, I had a time set aside every day where it was like, for an hour I called all the leads and I, or whatever, maybe more than an hour Um, and I would bang the phones. And so I said, okay, what can I commit to for dating? I have my lunch break every day. It's minimum 30 minutes.

28:32I will just literally swipe and do nothing but swipe while I eat for 30 minutes. And so that was what I did and that was what I promised myself. I said, my goal is to get a date a week if I swipe for 30 minutes. And so that's what I did. And I started going on dates and a lot of them sucked. Um,, like I had one guy try and sneak me into a movie theater, not telling me, cause he didn't wanna pay. I had like another guy who took me to a dinner and then told me he would wish I wouldn't talk. I mean, like I had so.

29:00bad dates. The difference was that I didn't let it discourage me from going on another one. Mm-hmm.. And so I talk to a lot of women now and they, they ask me about this and they're like, listen, Leila, I did that for three months. I'm like, girl, I did that for 18 months. like, get back to me when you've swiped every day for 30 minutes. Gone on 60 dates, and then tell me what you think. And so I think that it really is, you know, just like you're looking for the ideal client, if you're in sales dating is the same way, which is, you know, you have your criteria of what you're looking for and you're going on dates trying to find it.

29:36And it's just a funnel that you're trying to continue to work through and through and through. And so honestly, I just took the same sales learnings that I had. I applied them to dating and I just didn't give up. You know, I refused. I'm like, I had enough confidence in myself at the time that I. There's somebody out there for me. Mm-hmm., like I know I'm a little weird and I'm a little different, you know, like I really like business, I really like working, but I was like, I will eventually find someone. And so I think having that, you know, knowing that that was the case, and understanding that it was just a numbers game, made it much easier to get through the emotional ups and downs.

30:08Because I think that if, if dating is just an emotional game for you, then you're gonna stop mm-hmm. because the moment you have a bad date, you're like, oh, there's no boys out there for me. I'm like, shut the fuck up,. I'm like, you're saying that half the population sucks, please. Like, I hate when people say out there, all men are horrible. I'm like, this is called cognitive bias. You are overgeneralizing. Your brain is saying, I had one bad boyfriend. Now all men are, men are bad. That's not true at all. And then the second piece is understanding that I think a lot of people, what they do is they go on a few dates, maybe they get in with a few people and maybe they date somebody for like a month or two, and then they break up and then they take the same amount of time that they dated the person to get, get over the person.

30:45And I think that a lot of that comes from social stigma of, oh, it takes you, you know, half the amount of time that you dated someone to get over them. I'm like, you know, the best way to get over somebody is to go on another date.. Like, what do you do when you lose a client? You go get another client. Like I just, I refuse to believe a lot of the things that society tells us. Cause I was like, am I actually upset about this person I dated for eight weeks? No, but I think I'm supposed to be upset. And I think that's what a lot of people do.

31:11And I think the reason I was able to go through very quickly and find somebody is because I didn't let that stuff stop me. Mm-hmm. Or drag me down or make the process take longer. Yeah. So smart. And I have to say, Layla, I love your personality. You're so funny. And just give such good advice. I love talking to you. I think the audience is gonna love this conversation. So, um, so you met Alex, right? Talk to us about that first date. What was he like and what did you see in him? I mean, you had all these suiters and you decided on Alex.

31:42Honestly it was tough. Cause like I'll be really real, and you've probably had this too, or, or run into this as a, a woman who's ambitious. Um, a lot of guys didn't like that. Yeah. 100%. Like a lot of men just wanted me to be a housewife. They wanted to have kids very soon and all these things. And I was like, that's just not in the carts room. Oh, they think, they think they want it and then, then they, then they realized like, oh, she's gonna be more successful than me. I don't know if I want it after like a hundred percent. Yeah. So if it wasn't, oh, I don't want you to do this thing, it was, oh, I'll try and suppress you.

32:11I'm better than you. Yep. Which, listen, I don't have anything against people who do that. I just don't wanna be in a relationship with them. Mm-hmm.. So when I met Alex, um, it was interesting because we matched on Bumble and then Alex, uh, I messaged him cuz it had to be the girl. I don't even remember what I said. It probably, I was so bad at it. I would be like, Hey, what's up? Like, I never said anything cool. I was kind of nerdy. So I was like, Hey, you know, how's it going? Or something like that. And he messaged me and was like, fuck this app. Let's get off this app.

32:38Can I call you? And I was like, I like that, like take charge. Somebody who's like serious about this, who takes it like literally. So we get on the phone, I remember the first thing he said, he was like, listen, he's like, this is basically like a first date. So what we're doing right now is we can have our first date now on the phone and then later when we actually have a first date, we don't need to talk about all this stuff. Cause we already talked about it. It'll be basically our second date,. And I was like, this guy's efficient, which I liked because that was kinda how I was running it as well. So I was like, this is a good match.

33:05And I remember feeling like, I don't really know, like this guy's kind of like blunt to the point, harsh. He's not really flirty, but I appreciated it. Um, and so we meet for froyo for our first date because it's low commitment. So we could leave if we didn't like each other., that was the, that was the agreement. Um, and we go and I'm sitting there waiting for him and he comes up from behind me and I remember he was like, okay, like not smiling.

33:32And I was like, what is this guy not even smiling at me? Um, turns out, so what some people don't know is I have an entire back piece. And I was wearing a tank top dress and he saw I have angel wings on my back when I was 18 and getting drunk. Um, and he saw them and I guess like he really doesn't like tattoos. And so for the first like 15 minutes of the date, he just didn't even look at me like, we go in line for froyo, he's not really looking, making eye contact. I'm like, not knowing what's going on.

34:00And then finally we sit down, we start talking and you know, I just start asking him about his business cuz he owned some gyms at the time. And then it was like he lit up. And then from that point on the conversation, we talked for I think four and a half hours. We went on a walk, walked like, I don't even know how many miles it was insane. Um, and by the end of it, I just remember thinking like, the one thought I had was like, I just wanna keep talking to him. Like, I don't even care if we're dating or not.

34:26I just like finally feel., like, I found somebody who sees reality the same way as me. Mm-hmm., I felt like he wanted the same things from life and was looking for the same things. And it was just, it was like a breath of fresh air to talk to anybody, you know, female or male that actually felt that way. And honestly, from that point on, it was, we hung out every day. I think he, he had to go to like a dinner later that night. Uh, and then he called me after and we talked till like 2:00 AM and then the next day he came to my work, uh, during my lunch break.

34:57And then I went to his house afterwards. And then it was just like from that point on, um, but we weren't working together at that point, you know, we were just dating and I wanna say like two weeks in, he was like, you know, you should really just work for me. And I was like, because he knew that what I was trying to decide of is like, am I gonna start my own gym or am I gonna have an online training business? And I had opportunities on both sides and I wasn't sure what to do. And I was telling him about this decision. He was like, I think.

35:24, you should do neither of those things. And instead, you should come do this with me and we'll make way more money than either of those things. And I was like, yeah, but then I'm, I'm working for you. Like, this is weird. We're like dating right now. He was like, whatever. We've only been dating two weeks. I remember he said that. And I was like, true. Good point. You know, it hasn't been that long. Um, and I was really torn, but at the same time I was like, all right, let me look at all the decisions I've made that have been the best decisions in life.

35:52Putting my back against a wall, putting myself into a, a, a situation where most people would fail or falter, right? And putting myself into situations that there's risk. I was like, there's really no better time that if I were to do something like this than to do it now. Mm-hmm. because I'm young. And so I, uh, talked to a few mentors. I did a lot of thinking and I was like, I think after, after he went and he did a launch on his own for Jim launch, what was to become Jim Launch.

36:20and I saw that it actually worked. And a lot of people, by the way, they give me shit for this. Cause I was like, I saw that he made a hundred thousand dollars launching this gym. Uh, of course I wanna see that he made money. I was making plenty of money on my own. I'm not gonna go stop to go do something with somebody who hasn't made any money or proven a concept. I'm like, I have my own shit, my own business going on. And so once I saw that it worked, I was like, okay, this makes sense for me financially so it makes sense to take this risk. And that was when I think the next week I talked to all of my clients.

36:48I talked to the gym that I was working at at the time, and I just got rid of everything. And I had a week between getting rid of everything and flying out to the first gym to do the launch, uh, for this idea, for this company gym launch. And that was really the beginning of not our relationship, but our partnership. You know? And so if you really think about it, like we only had, I don't know, six weeks that we weren't working together. Mm-hmm.

37:16, like in our entire relationship now, which has been seven years, um, and the rest of it was, you know, from that point on, it was learning how to navigate, you know, being in a new relationship with somebody that you're also building a new business with while losing money, living out of motels, uh, you know, basically eating shit every day. Um, and it was really hard. So that was, I was like, I was just realizing where I was going with that. I was like, that's a story of our relationships.

37:43I mean, it's so interesting and now you guys are such a powerful couple and I'm sure starting a business enabled to have you guys bond together, but also, you know, spending that much time together probably was really tough and maybe felt like you guys needed your own experiences and things like that. So I guess how did you deal with that? How did you deal with, um, keeping it romantic still, even though your business partners. Oh God. It wasn't romantic at all for the first two years.? No, it was no romance.

38:11Like, it's funny cause people, people ask that stuff and I'm like, no. The first two years were us trying to not be poor. Like we were just trying to not go bankrupt at that point. You know, our relationship was not in the forefront of mind. So it was really the first year I think that what we did learn by necessity was how to communicate with each other. You know, I learned how Alex works. A lot of people get really intimidated by Alex. Cuz what you'll learn if you get close to him is like, he likes one word answers.

38:37Like, he'll be like, okay, if you're like, you write him a whole novel, he's like, thumbs up. You know? Like very like, yeah, I thought, I thought Alex hated me after my, I was like, why does he hate me?? Most people keep that. Yeah. He's just like not, he is not like you. Bubbly, sweet. Like, not like that at all. No, and and that's, it took me time to learn too. You know, I joke with everyone that's on our team. I'm like, listen, I thought he hated me too when we first worked together and then we got married.

39:01So apparently, um, So it was, it was really learning how to communicate with each other. Learning like, what are my nuances? Like how does Leila behave? And then how does Alex behave? And like, how do we behave together? Um, the hardest part was that, and I think when you get into any relationship and you're under stress, because we were under intense stress those first couple of years, it was learning how to use that to our advantage to become better versions of ourselves.

39:29Because being around somebody else in close quarters exposes you when you're under stress of where your flaws are or where your weaknesses are. And I know for me, like one of the best lessons that Alex taught me l early on by just pointing it out was I was very cold. Mm. And I think that I have substantially warmed up. Um, I think that if people meet me now, I seem pretty warm in the beginning anyways. And I, but I was not that way. I was scared, I was stressed, and I would just shut down.

39:57And I remember one time we were sitting in the car, And I shut down on him because there was something that he said, and I was upset about it, but I didn't wanna tell him. And he looked at me and he was like, I just wanna let you know that if you keep doing this cold thing, this relationship won't work. And I was like, but it was funny because, well, I actually thought in that moment, I wasn't angry, I wasn't defensive. I was like, you know what?

40:23Any relationship I have in my life, this will be a problem. Hmm. Why not solve it now? He's right. I am cold. And I remember that was like the switch for me. And that was the biggest thing that I had to work on the beginning of our relationship.. And on the other hand, you know, for Alex, um, his was probably ego or, or temper, you know, he used to get angry pretty easily, and I think under stress even more so. And typically when someone's angry, it's like, are they angry at themselves?

40:50You, the situation, you don't really know. Um, but he would get angry and then I would shut down because he was angry and I was scared. Mm-hmm.. And so we had to learn that about each other, talk about it, and then learn how to speak each other's language. You know, like if Alex is angry, I know how to deescalate him. If I'm stressed, Alex knows how to deescalate me because we've learned and we've talked about it enough that I've said what I need. And he has said what he needs. And it's a, it's a conversation that we have. It's not like I'm guessing, you know what I mean? I'm not over here.

41:18Like, what do you want me to do? You like, like trying to figure out what I want he wants me to do when he's angry. I'm just like, Hey, when you're angry, what do you want me to do? Mm-hmm.. And I think that's been the biggest blessing of our relationship, is the same way that you would talk with a business partner. How do we do this in the business? We've taken that into our relationship, which is, there's nothing that's not talked about. Like anything to a very high degree. We talk about every problem, everything we notice. If we're like, Hey, we feel pretty, uh, distant right now, do you feel distant? He's like, yeah. And we're like, okay, let's work on that.

41:45Or if we're like, Hey, I feel like we need some space, like I'm just feeling like we are way too close right now. Like we've had way too much time together. I just need like a breathing room. We're like, okay. And so that's been, I think what's been a huge contributor to the success of our relationship would just be that, you know, taking those same principles that you would apply to any productive relationship inside of a workplace and using it in our marriage. Yeah, that's so healthy. Like I know a lot of relationships, they do not feel that open in terms of the communication.

42:13Like they just feel so scared to tell each other how they actually feel about things. So it's so great that you can work through that. I would also, I would say this, yeah, you can either be scared to communicate something to your partner, or you can be scared of losing yourself in the relationship and it's like you get one or the other, which is if you're constantly living in fear of what your partner will think,, you lose yourself. Mm. And so I have always kept that forefront of mind.

42:38I will not compromise, nor will Alex, who I am and who he is. I always, and we both really accept each other for who we are. But it's one thing that I'm very adamant about. If there's something that's happening that I need to communicate how I feel about it, or I'm dissatisfied with, and same with him. We will do it even if it hurts our partner's feelings, because we both know that we have to put ourselves and what is true. Forefront of mind. Otherwise our relationship will never work in the long run. Yeah.

43:04It might feel good in the short term to avoid that thing, but in the long run you're setting yourself up for dysfunction. Yeah, 100%. And a total failure. So smart. Okay, so I feel like this is a really good segue into behavioral change cuz you mentioned, and Alex mentioned this on the show, that you're, you are the fastest person he knows in terms of changing your behavior. And so from my research I found out you used to be afraid of public speaking and now you essentially do that probably every day as a part of your career.

43:31You also thought you would never be a good manager, and that's literally what you're known for now in terms of like your management styles. So how do you continually adapt and change your behavior in order to succeed? Yeah. I think that when a lot of people talk about behavior change, what they're really asking for is belief or thought change, right? Because if you think about changing behavior, that's a lot, that's not very complicated. It's like don't eat the cookie.

43:59Right. But I think a lot of people wanna know how, well, how do I not want to eat the cookie? Right. It's really, that's what they wanna know, because people are like, how do I lose weight? I just can't lose weight. I'm like, no, you can't be hungry. You don't know how to tolerate hunger. That's why you can't lose weight. Mm. And so it's not that I lack anxiety, stress, nervousness. When we got on this podcast, I was like, my heart was racing. Really? happens every time with every podcast. If I go up to speak.

44:25The last speech I did, I got on the stage and I couldn't, my mouth was so dry, I thought I was like, I was like, the words for sure won't come out. I still get terrified because I care because I wanna make sure that I do the job. Yeah. I wanna feel like I give value to the audience. Right. But what I've learned is to, one, not judge myself for that. And two, I can be nervous, I can be scared, I can be anxious, and I can still act like I'm not. And that's the biggest thing. That was the unlock for me with behavior change.

44:52And what has always been was I don't need to eliminate feelings.. I just need to change my relationship with them. Most people, what they do is they think, oh, I feel anxious, I feel scared, I feel nervous. I need to rid myself of this feeling so I can act in accordance with my values. Mm-hmm. and, and with the behavior that I would like to have, but that's not the case at all. I need to learn how to befriend these feelings, how to live with these feelings, how to manage these feelings and be okay with these feelings and still take, you know, steps forward anyways.

45:22Mm-hmm.. And so for me it's always been if I'm feeling stressed or anxious or whatever, and I'm trying to change a behavior, I just remind myself, you have to level up. It's above the situation. It's not about, you know, grabbing the cookie or not grabbing the cookie. It's about what's my relationship with hunger? Right. And so it's for somebody who's dieting, it's not that you are hungry, it's not that you need the cookie, it's not that. It's that you don't know how to be hungry. You can't tolerate the feeling of hunger in your body. Mm. For people who get stressed with public speaking.

45:51. It's not that you can't public speak, it's that you cannot tolerate the feeling of nervousness in your body before you go on stage. So what I do,, despite not wanting to, is I force myself into situations where I know that those feelings will be provoked and I practice like visualizing ahead of time the things gonna happen. I'm gonna feel like I, I'm nervous, I'm gonna feel like I'm gonna throw up, I'm gonna feel like I'm gonna panic, like whatever it may be.

46:17How will I act despite feeling that way? Mm-hmm.. So for example, if I'm public speaking, I visualize myself having a panic attack on stage, before I go on stage, and then I, I walk through what would I really do right? Because a lot of people just go, Jesus, I, I have a panic attack on stage, and then that's it. That's it for me, right? I'm done. Or I'm like, okay, say I have a panic attack on stage. Right? Then what? Then only lasts for like two minutes? What's gonna happen the next two minutes?

46:45Hmm. I can make a joke about it. I could use it as an example to, for resilience, for everybody else that's watching, like I could make fun of myself. There's so many things that I could do next, but actually make that an opportunity, turn that challenge into an opportunity and then I could continue and give my speech. Yeah. So like if the worst thing happened, what would I do and how would I turn that around? Then it makes it not that scary cuz then you're like, well if something bad happens, this is my, this is my escape plan. Right?

47:10And, but here's what I will say, it's not even that because that's reassuring ourselves. That's saying, okay, well even if the worst happens, I'll figure, okay, well what if you don't figure it out? Cause that's the other route, which is like, you know, I talk to business owners and they're like, well what if my business does die? And I'm like, okay, then your business dies. Then what? They're like, well, uh, I'm like, you have like millions of dollars in the banks. What are you gonna do after that? Right? And then they're like, well, I guess I would start another business. And I'm like, okay, so let's talk about the steps.

47:35And so I think it's one talking about what I would do if the worst case scenario happened.. And then also making peace with the fact that sometimes when the worst case scenario happens, we don't act in accordance with what our plans were. Mm-hmm. and visualizing that and visualizing how I would get over it. That it would be okay. So what I expect that at some point in my career, giving a speech or something like, I'm sure at some point I'll, like nobody will know, but I will have a panic attack on stage because I can get through it now.

48:05Right. I can talk through those things, but I'm sure it will happen. And when it does, I've visualized it enough times that I'll be okay with it. Mm-hmm., I'm not gonna judge myself for it and I hopefully can use it as a lesson for other people to show them that you can do things and be scared at the same time. And that's really been like my whole life. Like people, like how do you get rid of the anxiety and all thi I'm like, it's never gone away. like only still hanging out next to me all day every day. But I've just learned how to live with it and, and really act despite feeling a certain way.

48:34Yeah. And I think that if you're not constantly trying to get out of a feeling,, the feeling will naturally go away anyways. Yeah. But when you're constantly trying to rid yourself of a feeling, what happens is that feeling sticks. But if you're not trying to rid yourself of it, it is much more likely to fade away. Hmm. So I wanna stick on something that you lightly mentioned, which was being uncomfortable. Right. And I know that you say that one of the things that holds back our younger generations is that they don't want to be uncomfortable.

49:03I had whim h on the show, he's the iceman. He says something similar, but he talks about like being physically uncomfortable and the importance of that, that we all wear clothes, we have, you know, the temperature control on, we don't even wanna be cold. That's how far we go with it. And then we don't even unlock the power of our bodies. It's hard to work out. So we don't work out, you know? But I think you take it more from like a, also a mental perspective. So I'd love to hear from you in terms of why it's so important to be uncomfortable sometimes.

49:31Yeah. Um, I do actually think that the physical aspect. is useful in many ways. Yeah. I don't go to the extreme with it. Like, I, I lift and I lift really heavy and hard, and I've done that for a while. Um, and that taught me a lot in life, which is you make the most progress when you're in a lot of pain under the bar. Mm-hmm.. Um, but I think that it's important because what feels good is often not good for us. Mm-hmm.

49:57. And I think that I, I've learned that early on in my life, which is most of the things that feel good for us are not, but if you, th this is what a lot of people think. They think, well, gosh, I don't wanna be uncomfortable all of the time. But here's the thing is that those things that are uncomfortable if done repetitive, repeated enough times, become comfortable. And so if you do it in enough areas of your life, it's ironic because then actually everything that is uncomfortable becomes comfortable.

50:24And so I think it's just breaking through, getting yourself to take that first step. Because our brains don't like unpredictability. And so the reason anything the first time is so hard is cuz we can't predict what happens next. But the moment we do do that thing, our brain has a new association. It has a memory it's going to make. Right? And most of the time it's not as bad as we think. Yeah. And so I think that it's almost a practice in the sense of I try to do things that are uncomfortable with, for me, every day I try to push myself.

50:51I try to not lean into my feelings. Not because I don't want to. I want to, like today, for example, like had a not great night last night, uh, and then didn't sleep well because of one thing or another that happened at work and then woke up, had calls at 6:00 AM was going, I was like, I feel like absolute ass. I was like, but you know what? I'm gonna fucking show up here and I'm gonna crush it and I'm gonna crush my meetings later. I'm gonna crush my interviews later. And I think that even every time we do that, what we do is we build confidence within ourselves so that every other thing in our life that's uncomfortable is easier to accomplish.

51:23Right? Mm-hmm.. And so I think it's just a matter of building momentum. You know, a lot of people are like, well, I just, Layla, I have a really hard time getting uncomfortable. I'm like, but you've made a habit of being comfortable. So you know how to make a habit now we just gotta make a habit in the other direction. Yeah. Which is funny, but it's really like you have the power of inertia on your side once you start doing it, which is if you start leaning into comfort more and more and more, I have a friend that wrote a book called The Comfort Crisis. Mm-hmm., um, you start to do everything in your life in accordance with the comfort, and it's called the comfort creep. That's what he, he named it. Hmm.

51:49Versus you go the opposite direction, you start to do everything uncomfortably Right. Then it's discomfort creep. You start to notice that every area of your life, you start to make yourself a little more uncomfortable and you start achieving more and more. Mm. Because achieving things comes from like, the only reason that accomplishments feel good is because we did something that was uncomfortable. Yeah. And often people think, I have to rid myself of this discomfort to do this thing, but no accomplishments without the discomfort don't actually feel good.

52:16And so the reason that successful people are so confident isn't because they didn't have discomfort and did something is because they had so much discomfort and did it anyways. And so I think for me, it's just always been, I encourage people to get uncomfortable. I encourage people to also. be aware of how to make themselves uncomfortable in a way that they can manage, right? It might be, let's, let's try some small steps first. Okay? If you're terrified of public speaking and you're gonna throw up when you get on stage, let's do some podcast interviews online first, right?

52:42Like, maybe, maybe let's make some YouTube videos and then let's get a stage, maybe six months down the road. And I think that you can stairstep your way up to your greatest fears or your greatest discomforts. Um, and we all have to know ourselves and know what works best. Some people can throw themselves in the fire and just like, go straight into the most uncomfortable situation and come out great. Some people that wouldn't work too well, and they have to stairstep their way into something that's uncomfortable. I think it's a matter of figuring out what works for you. Yeah.

53:09So I, I love this topic. I kind of wanna stay here for a little while. I love the topic of motivation because I feel like a lot of my listeners reach out to me telling me like they don't know how to find their motivation, and they feel like this, it's this external thing. And they always feel like they need to have the feeling of motivation to get something done. And I know that you have said in the past that you don't always stay motivated. You don't do things just because of the way that you feel. So I'd love to learn a little bit more about that.

53:38I think that most people don't have motivation because they don't have enough responsibility. Hmm. Go look at the single mom who is raising four kids. Does she lack motivat? No, no. She has responsibility and I, so I think a lot of people, when they're talking about motivation, what it really is, is that they lack responsibility. If you are responsible, I am responsible for all of the people that work at my company.

54:05I am responsible for all of the companies that are on portfolio. I am responsible for an audience that supports me. That's what I think in my mind. So am I going to take the selfish action of doing the thing I want to do? Or am I going to take the action of doing the thing that's better for all of them? Mm-hmm.. And I think that what a lot of people do is they avoid responsibility, which then decreases motivation. You don't feel like doing something when you don't have a big enough reason, create enough reasons, which is usually people, and you have more motivation to do things.

54:36So it's not that I feel motivation every day, but I have a responsibility to the people whose lives I have influence over. And so every day when I wake up and I have to make the decision, am I gonna do this? Not gonna do this, I'm gonna do that or not gonna do that. That's what I'm thinking with.. And so I think that for those people who are asking, you know, I just don't have the motivation, take on more responsibility, you won't even have time to think about how you feel because you've just gotta do it because you're responsible for other people. Mm-hmm.

55:04. And I think that we live in a day and age where people lack responsibility. I mean, if you even look like the family construct in this country, it's like completely different than it was a long time ago. And so we have less pressure to do well. We have less pressure to stay, stick with our commitments, and we have less pressure to get uncomfortable. But if you are the person that's responsible for many other people's lives, you'll have the motivation. much more than you wouldn't. Yeah. Does that make sense? Oh, it totally does.

55:30I aligned so much with this. I even wrote down some thoughts about this, and it's like we're very close in terms of what we were saying. Our approach would be to like, so for example, you were saying before this interview, you kind of felt like crap. You didn't really wanna do it, but you showed up, right? Me too. I almost broke up with my boyfriend last night. I had a terrible night. I was like, oh God. Like I have to be, I have my game face on, but at the end of the day, We have to show up because that's why we're successful because we show up even when we don't feel like showing up.

56:02And like you, I zoom out and I think if I don't show up here, I'm putting my employees at jeopardy. If I don't show up today, I'm putting my, my fans aren't gonna have an episode. Leila gets a lot of money to talk. I'm not gonna cancel and like ruin my reputation with Leila. It's like all these things, to your point, like you hit the nail on the head. I'm responsible for a lot of things. So the only way I'm canceling an interview is I literally have strep throat and I can't talk.

56:27And the other thing I think about is like, if I'm physically able to do the show, if something actually does happen, that's bad to me down the line. At least I did the actions that I could to get myself as far as I could. And then when I actually am sick, I can be like, all right, I deserve to be sick. I can cancel this interview. You know? So I, I think we're aligned there. So interesting. All right, I love that. Let's talk about the G s D muscle, right? You talk about this get shit done muscle.

56:54How can we build and develop that muscle? Yeah. Um, I think this muscle comes from having a low thought to action threshold. Uh, if I could put it in right terms, which is if you think of thought, and then you take action on that thought, a lot of people don't get shit done because they spend way more time in the thought and less time in the action. Now, I know how to think.

57:20I, I can definitely sit and think and do all, but a lot of the times what I need to do is go take action. And I think that a lot of the times, and this is like what we were talking about earlier, it's just a, a theme that I've noticed, which is people are staying in their heads so much now. Mm-hmm. It's overthinking, overanalyzing, that stuff. I'm like, you gotta build the get shit done muscle. Which the only way you do that is if the moment that you think about something, you own your power by taking action immediately., the way that you get more power is you take action on a thought faster than others.

57:48Faster than you used to, faster than you did five days ago. And so for a lot of people it's that that paired with being able to face the discomfort. I mean like, like we just talked about. I think that if you wanna get shit done, you're gonna be uncomfortable. And I think that you build that muscle faster when you put it under tension on a more frequent basis. And so when I think about the get shit done muscle, it's like any other muscle, which is you've gotta go to the gym and you've gotta put it at time under tension, right?

58:15It doesn't matter if you're doing higher reps, low reps wait on the bar. Like it's time under tension that builds a muscle. And it's the same for the get shit done muscle, which is the moment that you realized that it's okay thought to action threshold. How many more times can you do that? And how many situations? And so what I like to do for myself when I'm trying to instill that, and maybe I feel like I'm in a season where. Something happened and you know, didn't go my way or I'm scared or I'm stressed or something's happening, I write down what are those things on a daily basis that I can do.

58:42I read it at the beginning of the day and I'm like, these are the small things I'm gonna do to build that muscle today, to do my time under tension. It might be a hard conversation with a coworker. It might be that I have to have a hard conversation with a portfolio company. It might be, you know, I start asking myself like, what are these things that maybe I'm avoiding or could avoid that if I were to do today would make me stronger tomorrow? Mm-hmm. And that is what the get should done muscle is. And I think that a lot of people don't have it, or it's atrophied because they're okay living with the pink elephant in the room.

59:12You know? I think that if you have a very strong get done muscle, you don't have a lot of dirty laundry. Whereas if you do have a very strong get done muscle, there's nothing like, there's no pink elephant in the room. Like there's nothing there. Like you have a clear conscience. Mm-hmm.. And so that's why I talk about utilizing that., for me at least, that's how I keep my head space clear. I don't like having to think about a lot of situations that are like, I wanna say like, not complete. Not resolve. Open loops. Yeah, open loops. Like, I don't like having that. I don't like having, if anything bothers me, I feel like there's anything off with the teammate, I just address it immediately.

59:43And so I think that that's, that's really where the muscle is and what it comes from. And it's just like anything else, any other muscle. It's like time under tension is how you're gonna build it. Hmm. I love that. Okay, so last question. To close this, uh, part of the interview out, what would you give advice to people in their teens and their twenties, upcoming generations who wanna achieve the level of success that you did by your thirties? What's your main piece of advice for them?

1:00:10I would say learn to act despite how you feel. Hmm. Yeah. Big theme of, that's all it of today's episode. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just learning how to, to act despite what you feel because., you're not gonna feel good most of the time when you're making progress towards your goals. You know, people congratulate me all the time on the success of the companies that we sold and the success that we're having now.

1:00:35And I'm like, you have all the success propelled by things that are painful. Mm-hmm.. Yeah. Right? Their experiences sacrifice that we have to go through. Right. And so understand that you, you just have to learn to act despite how you feel. And feelings are something to acknowledge, but they're not directives, uh, in terms of how to live our life.