My Cheat Code for Every Relationship

0:00Like my cheat code on life is simply trying to ask people what they mean by that. And then translating that so that we can actually communicate. Most conversations people make face noise at each other. >> They don't understand each other. >> And then walk away. >> Dude, I notice this. I notice this all the time. I literally can't tell you how many times I walk away and I'll ask people in the group, "What did you get out of this?" It's like have you ever played the telephone game where somebody's listening to another thing? I'm like, "Was I in the same room as you?"

0:30>> Yeah, everybody's perspective is so different. And that's something that I just recently started applying for myself because if you do something and I think that I think I know what you meant by that or by that slight face that you made or the exhale that you made, I created this reality for myself that I believe and I don't say anything to you about, right? Even something that I might do in my marriage, right? I think that he's upset by something and I don't ask him, "Why did you say this like this or that?" Whatever. So now you have this problem that he doesn't even know about, right? Because it hasn't been communicated. And then that arises so many other problems afterwards. And so it's just like communication.

1:04>> too. I'm not going to lie, I do that a lot. I'll like if like for example, if you're if I feel like you're upset with this interview, I like put in my brain like, "Oh, he wants to wrap this up because of this." But it it I just make it up. So a lot of people go off of what they think that they know. Okay, so this is what I'm figuring this out. You just understood that and realized that like you just have to be the better communicator in the room. >> I try not to judge it by ranking of who's the best communicator, but it was more like I just want to understand what they're trying to tell me.

1:36>> You can lead the communication. >> There's a purpose for you talking. >> We keep trying to put him as a leader. >> You're leading the communication. Yeah, yeah. There's a >> Alpha. Because dude, what are you doing? I just >> [laughter] >> I just ask questions. Teacher. >> Like there's a purpose for you talking to me right now. What would you like me to do? And so just asking like what would you I I One of the most common things I'll ask especially to like the leadership team and things like that if I have a one-on-one where they come say a lot of words at me, I'm just like, "What would you like me to do as a result of this conversation?"

2:04Cuz there was some there was some intention which I I would define as a desired outcome, right? Like if I have good intentions, bad intentions, whatever, but my intent for this is that I would hope your behavior changes in this way. Right? Um and so if we can just be really clear on that, then it gets so much of the noise of like, "I feel this way and you said this thing." It's just like, just "What would you like me to do?" It's like, "Next time, can you just say please?" Sure.

2:30Easy. No problem. And if the thing that they asked me to do is somehow in conflict, then I'll be like, "I'm not willing to do that. So, what can we do from here?" >> Mhm. >> It just gets to the core of everything much faster and I think that in a world where there's endless communication, having filters to translate that into actual behavior is probably one of the highest value filters that you can have to predict reality and then also be able to take in data and know what to do with that. And so I'll give you a different example. This is a super business one.

2:58If I want to judge how good someone is at a job, I want to ask them or I'll ask them like, "So, what metrics do you track to know that you're doing a good job?" First question. And if someone has no metrics, it's going to be tough. Let's say they have decent metrics. All right, they they name five things. I'm thinking of seven, but they've got five of them. Okay, that's fine. The next question is, "How does what you do change them?"

3:23Because if you I mean, the first level of understanding is like, "These are the outcomes. These are the variables that create the outcome." Great. How does your behavior affect the variables? If you can describe that, you'll probably likely be very competent at your job. It's very simple, but most people cannot do that, which is why most people are not competent. Like competence is incredibly rare. If you like this video and you're a business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million and three businesses past 100 million into a completely free scaling road map that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so you can click here and you can check it out.

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