Alex Hormozi on Staying Motivated Without Anger

0:00You'd spoken about your dad in this kind of like authoritarian relationship and then living out that dream. How did you avoid or how have you got yourself to a stage now where you're no longer driven by a chip on your shoulder towards him? Because I think that there are a lot of people that go through challenges in their past >> Yeah. >> that find fuel in it and they go, "Wow, I I can be fueled by hatred. >> Yeah.

0:24>> Phenomenal. I can alchemize this toxic thing into something which is useful." >> Totally. >> But I would imagine that that has a a shelf span, right? That if you keep on using that for long enough, there are more optimal ways that you could start to move perpetually under your own motion, transmute it into something else. How did you get past having this chip on your shoulder about the relationship that you'd had with your dad and where it had set you back or forward or whatever?

0:54>> Um >> Or have you? >> Yeah, I think I have. Um I think my realization was, you know, first the goal was make as much as my dad, then it was make more than my dad, then it was make more than my dad had ever made. And I realized that the approval that I had that I sought was always going to be moved, right? Um I mean, I've told this story before, but um maybe not to your audience. Uh but like when I when I My dad and I didn't really speak a ton. You know, we texted, you know, 2-minute phone call, "Hey, are you you're alive?

1:25Okay, cool." Um but for that was kind of like for like 5-ish years um after I left home uh to go do the gym thing. And only once Gym Launch was like printing money. Um and so we were I think I was taking home a million and a half a month at like 27 or something like that. And he gave me a call out of the blue. And like my dad doesn't like cold call me. >> [laughter] >> Um and so I'm I'm sitting at dinner and I I step outside and he says, "Um hey, you're going to want to sit down for this." And I was like, "Okay." He's like, "I'm sorry."

1:56I was like, about what? He was like everything. And I remember in the moment actually feeling nothing. And thinking that was curious. And then being like, huh. Okay. And I probably should have just like accepted it for the olive branch that he was probably trying to like lean out to me. Um But here's what I said instead. >> [laughter] >> I said, you know how people get up on stage when they win the awards and they're like, I just want to thank my mom and dad for always being there, always believing in me. I was like, I'm not going to say that. I was like, cuz you weren't and you didn't believe in me.

2:31And right after that, he was like, well, we'll see how long it lasts. And so it was after that phone call that I realized that everything that I'd done to that point was to try and beat him at his game. Because everything my dad cared about, and not everything, [clears throat] he's a good guy. Like, you know, we're fine now. But like when I was growing up and it's kind of fairly common in most foreign families to be very like money driven. And I always knew that kind of subconsciously, and he would never say this, but like I felt it because whenever he introduced somebody, he'd tell me how much they made immediately. He'd be like, this is John.

3:03John makes this. Like, this is Bob, he makes this. Like, it was just it was just like the worth and the name was like immediately tied together. And so I realized that I was trying to win his game rather than playing my game. And I think when that happened, it was the same instance of kind of like the blame finger. But just at a different level of saying like, okay, well, I don't blame my dad anymore, but I'm still playing his game.

3:28And so I'm winning not my game, I'm winning someone else's. And so I think when I was like, okay, well, then I have to define the game and the meaning of the game that I want to play, I have more responsibility now because I have to define the rules of what matters most to me, etc. Um but that was where I feel like I got an And maybe there's more that I'll unpack later, but that was kind of the next level, at least for my awareness of how I perceived what I was going after.

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