Vergleiche sind kein Dieb der Freude

0:00One of the quotes that I don't like is comparison is the thief of joy. And I'll explain why. Because I So I think comparison is an incredibly valuable feedback tool. Now, what we want to be clear is the differentiation between criticism and insults. And so insults are an attack on someone's character saying and I'll give you an example. And a criticism is the difference between expected and reality, right? Or desired and actual. So uh I expect you to be on time and you are 5 minutes late. Okay, cool. So I say, "Hey, you were 5 minutes late. This was the expectation. This is what happened." That is criticism, right? Insult, "And you're lazy."

0:37And so um if we can pull those things apart, we can take the good of because I I think our brains are comparison brains. Like it's how we how we orient ourselves in the world. Where am I? And very tough maybe years and years of of of monk study can maybe get you out of it, but I think for the vast majority of people comparison is is going to be fixed in their brain. It's just like we want to use that. We want to use that skill of learning to to point out the discrepancy between where they are and where I am so that I can create steps so that I can get better.

1:05I want to completely eliminate and erase insults. And also on the flip side, if someone insults me, um this is a a side note, but like if the big fear that many people have on promoting or selling is that someone's going to say something bad about them. And so that they're going to get insulted. And the biggest reframe that's been helpful for me is simply translating all hate or insults into he lives his life in a way that I would not prefer. And it just comes down to that. I can't believe he's he's married to this person. He makes this kind of Why does he think he like he lives his life in a way that I would not prefer. And that is just It is really boiled a lot of the the hatred down to like, "Oh, well, I mean, you live your life in a way that I would not prefer." And that's fine.

1:43That's why you live your life and I live my life. And hey, [laughter] more power to you, man. And that is just like really quelled a lot of the concern because I'm sure like you I I get an unending, you know, a deluge of hate comments just because if you put yourself out there. Like if again, if you do nothing you will get criticized for doing nothing. If you do something you'll get criticized. So criticism is fact. It is a fixed cost. Yeah. And and yeah, and that's why I like I I agree with you on the comparison point and that's why I look at comparison as two kind of brothers, study and envy. And so that's that's the choice you have. Like we have to compare. Comparison is a fixed like you're going to compare cuz the brain is wired that way. And it's either I compare myself with envy or study. And those are my two choices. I'm going to compare. And so this idea of never comparing yourself to anyone is actually a lie and a myth in and of itself because if you never compared yourself to anyone, you wouldn't have goals, you wouldn't aspire for anything, you wouldn't become better. There's no feedback. Cuz you can't say well, this is where I was and this is what hap like that is a comparison. And so I would I say that because one of the things we have is feedback as fuel, right? And so it's like I want as much fuel as I can.

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