Selbstliebe: Was wirklich dahinter steckt

0:00Self-love is holding yourself to a higher standard than anyone else does. That's really interesting to me. I think it's believing in the 85-year-old version of you who's exactly who you want to be, and then ruthlessly looking at the discrepancy between the the pedants of a human that you are now compared to that man or that woman, and then step-by-step breaking down the many different systems and starting on the first one and pulling the thread.

0:33I love the idea that in a true true self-love a lot of the time is wrapped in acceptance and a degree of belonging. I reject this entirely. I just want to I just want to throw it out there. That doesn't surprise me. >> [laughter] >> The idea that self-love is holding yourself to a higher standard than anyone else does. You believing in you more than anybody else does is such a first principles way of looking at self-love. Okay, so I'm supposed to love myself. I'm supposed to support myself and be my biggest fan.

1:16But I don't have the most belief in me. So I'm supposed to have self-love, but I cap my own potential. I have so many thoughts. So, right off the bat, even the concept of fan was something that I I if I was if you if I was talking to 2013, 2012 Alex, I would have rejected that notion. Not like the the concept of even being a fan of myself was so foreign to me. It wouldn't been real to me. And so I'll tell you what that Alex internalized, which was that I didn't need to deserve success, but I could still have it if I did the things that created success. And so it felt like a cheat code where I was like, I can actually be a shitty person and horrible and suck at everything, but if I still work out and I still eat this way, I can still look this way even though I don't deserve it. And that was like the first It actually felt like I was like And for everybody who hates themselves, you can hear me. Um that was like my first big shade, my first solace, my first foothold that I started getting on success was that I didn't need to deserve it. I could still have it anyways. And that was like very empowering for me.

2:22The other thing that you said about acceptance. So there's this big movement around self-acceptance and I want to say that I wholeheartedly reject it. I You accept outcomes and you accept circumstances. You accept the fact that you were dealt whatever hand you were dealt. You accept that you're 5'8". You accept that you're black. You accept that you're a woman. That's accepting. You trying to rebel against that is you trying to fight the universe and the universe is going to win every time.

2:48But in terms of you framing acceptance as saying that I am comfortable with who I am and I cannot be better and I must be satisfied with that is the biggest embodiment of failure that I can imagine. Is it It's almost It's almost It's almost egotistical to say that There's a difference between saying I am good enough and I am good.

3:14So you could say I am good enough for my current state based on the work that I've put into it, but I could be better. And so like you can accept that the work that you have done has created the outcome that you've created, but you do not need to accept that the outcome that you've created is the end all be all and the last outcome that you need to need to have. And so for me like the only version of acceptance that I have is that I accept that the version of myself that I want to be is is so far from who I am that I have this massive discrepancy that I have to overcome.

3:46And then just breaking that down one step at a time and thinking I don't I don't deserve to be that man. But I can still do the things that can create it. And that also means that I have to go through the circumstances that that would create that man. Which means that if I have unbelievable big dreams and big goals, then I have to go through hard times. It's like hate, the hard times are a requisite for success. And so if you're going through hard times right now, it means that you're on the path to success and it's not that you're on the wrong path, it's the feeling of being on the right path. And one of the things that I talk with with the CEOs in our portfolio company and I'm I'm going to bring it back.

4:25One of our companies they were struggling with growth, big company. And he was like, I honestly the issue that I have right now, he's like, I I don't know how many locations I can open every month. He's like, based on the cash flow that's coming in and out. And I was like, this is kind of like the Morpheus free frame. I was like, I need you to freeze this moment. I was like, the feeling that you have right now is that you are missing a finance function. Is that they didn't have a good finance leader. And you're like, why is this relative to what we're talking about? I'll bring it back. Which is that if it's the first time you're going through it, you can't recognize the signs because you don't have anything to compare it to. And so hopefully listening to this podcast and listening to other people, not just, you know, not me and Chris, but like other people who are even even more successful, whatever.

5:04They can at least tell you what it tastes like. They can tell you what the room looks like. They can tell you what it the temperature feels like. They can tell you what it feels like in their body so that when you are going through it, you can say, okay, I haven't been here before, but this sounds like Albuquerque. This sounds like a missing finance. And that's why having like and if you're in the early on stages and and and and you're going through the like you're going you're consuming the free content and stuff, it's like, use this because the most valuable thing you can get is the context of what the experience feels like when you're going through it. So, someone can describe to you their experience so that you can relate it to your present and be like, okay, I'm on the right path. Yeah. It's the feeling of loneliness and uncertainty. Hang on. What if this What if this is a sign that I'm not supposed to be here? What if this is a sign that I'm doing it wrong? right? And relinquishing that.

5:49The If there was a big meta indicator that you're doing the right thing, doing what everyone isn't doing is already probably the biggest the single biggest indicator that you're doing the right thing. Like it's a it's the If if if I could wish nothing else on my child whenever I choose to have them in the future, is that they have high agency, which is that they are they make decisions independent from the opinions of other people. And when we hear words like authentic and original and things like that, it's because the person starts at square one and says, "Well, what do I want?" And then they start building from there. I had a conversation with one of my one of my teammates who runs our our my LinkedIn.

6:23And he said, "You know, Alex, it's easy for you Always always a really great start. >> Great way to trigger Alex. >> [laughter] >> Really good. Please. Tell me more. Why do you Go on. He said, "It's it's easy for you, Alex, to create this personal brand." He's like, "You have so many interesting things about you." He's like, "You dress a certain way, you act a certain way." And he said, "It's different than everyone else does, right?"

6:50And I said, "I don't think that's true. I think that everyone has a personal brand that is unique and different. But everyone doesn't look that way because they conform to what what they think everyone else wants them to look like. And so, the fact that they are boring and they resent the fact that they're boring is because they are living out reflections of what what they think everyone else wants them to do. And so, all you have to do is start at square zero and be like, "What do I want?" Cuz I realized after I got out of Gym Launch that I mean I dressed a certain way for Gym Launch cuz I was the head of an entire community of gyms and it made sense for me to dress that way cuz I needed to I needed to look that part, right? But when I was at ground zero and I was like, "Okay, what do I want?" And I thought about it for a long time and I was like, "Well, what would 85-year-old me wear?"

7:39I was like, "85-year-old me would wear probably the most functional thing he could wear cuz he doesn't care what his shoes look like. He doesn't care what his shirt looks like. He just wants to be comfortable. And so I just started trying all the things that I could possibly imagine for shoes, shorts, hats, whatever to find the thing that I was like, "You know what? This is the most comfortable and this allows me to do the most things in the most rooms without changing." And so people then are like, "Man, that's so unique." But it it was actually just saying, "If I were to if everyone was gone from existence, what would I do?

8:07What would my work be? Right? How would I dress? Who would I date?" That's a real one. Who would I date if no one else told me what they thought about it? Maybe someone different than you're dating right now. And if the person that you would want to date isn't the person you're dating right now and the person that you would want to date would never date you, then maybe rather than dating these mediocre Molly's or mediocre Matts, you take the period of time, you go on the untrodden path, you have people reject you and say, "Oh, you're not coming out tonight. You're going to the gym again." Right? Oh, "I can't eat with us, right? She's on a She's on a diet again."

8:41How long are you going to stick with this one? Right? Because the thing is is that the stick-to-it muscle itself is something that you work on because if you started diets and you failed and you start working out and you failed, if you just make it longer every time before you fail, you're still making progress and you're still doing something that everyone else isn't doing. Yeah. And that is the biggest meta indicator that you possibly can is if if because everyone sucks. Like so many people are mediocre. Like half of the United States is in debt. They don't even have a like they they're they're negative net worth.

9:10And so like just saying different than that, like the bar isn't high. We talked about this Dude, go for it. I know I know what you're going to say. Just go for it. Go for it. The bar has never been set lower to separate yourself out from the pack. Never been set lower. And this is for, you know, the black pill internet >> What's the black pill by the way? It is supposed to be one step beyond the red pill to see that life [snorts] and dating largely for men is there's an uncomfortable reality that if you aren't blessed with the right physical attractiveness, status, or money, LSM looks LMS looks money status. If you don't have the right prerequisites, you're you're basically doomed. You're a genetic dead end and eat Um Is that a bad thing?

9:53According to them. I So, okay. I'm going to I'm going to zoom out real quick and then I know I know where we're going to go on this. So, if we're looking at a species, right? Let's look at deer. Right? A lot of people have deer in their backyard, right? Well, what is natural? Is that one buck inseminates 50 doe and he competes with all the other deer. And the reason for that is because then it actually allows the quote best genes to proliferate. Now, best is determined by what actually continues continues on, right?

10:25>> You're getting perilously close to eugenics here, Alex. Well, I'm just talking about I'm just talking about deer. All right? [laughter] I'm just talking about deer. If anyone wants to I'm just talking about deer. I'm not saying this is what it should be. But the the point that that I wanted to make was not I think where everyone thinks I'm going with this, which is that a lot of the you know, the black whatever you just said, right? Black pill. I would imagine are casting an expectation on the universe that it shouldn't be this way. Why not?

10:51And this is exactly like the hater who says, "You're not going to amount to anything." And the reason that it hurts is because you're like, "What if they're right?" And then you're like staring at the mirror with that question of like, "What if they're right? What if I am out of shape?" What like cuz the thing is is that like in order to be the top quote 1% or even the top 10% Shoot, or even just above average, right? You just need to not be overweight. Dude, the bar >> You need to not be overweight, right?

11:15You need to be gainfully employed. The bar is so low. The bar is so unbelievably low. Real quick, if you're a business owner and you're not growing as fast as you'd like, I'd like to give you a free gift. So, my team and I put together the $100 million scaling road map, which is basically 200 hours of us looking over all the portfolio companies we've had and what stages of growth they went through and more importantly where they got stuck and how they got past it.

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