Wie Leila Hormozi Rückschläge und Angst überwand

0:00Hey everyone, really quick before we get into this episode of the podcast, I wanted to quickly say thank you. I appreciate you for listening to the show. It means the world to me. And remind you I'm doing my first ever in-person seminar tour across North America this December. Tickets are on sale now. I'll put a link somewhere right here in the description, so you can go grab a ticket. We're doing 15 seminars in the US and Canada. That will be in late November and all through December. I hope to see you there. I hope you grab a ticket. I love you guys.

0:25I appreciate you and I'll see you in a few months. Peace. Welcome back to another episode of the Hyro Podcast. I'm your host, Michael Smoke. And today we're joined by a very special guest. She is the founder and chairwoman of acquisition.com and one of the leading minds in business on the internet and frankly in the world today, Miss Leila Horoszi. Thank you for agreeing to spend some time with me today and welcoming me into the office. >> Yeah, of course. I'm glad that you could come. It's going to be fun. >> Very, very excited. I've been looking forward to this since we hatched the idea. And the the conversation is a combination of things that I selfishly want to learn from you and I wanted to ask you because I've been watching you for years since before I ever started creating and uh also a bit of questions from my followers. I want to always build a conversation that is the most valuable for the people that will hear it. And so these questions and remarks you've made are a combination of what I want to learn from you and what people want to learn.

1:15>> I'm an open book. So >> beautiful. >> I'm ready for it. If you have never done something before, your brain will make you scared so you avoid it. Because we're wired for survival, not success. It's crazy to think you will have confidence when you haven't done the thing yet. You will have confidence once you do the thing. Why is that so important? >> You know, it's funny is um as you ask me questions for yourself, I say things to the audience that I need to hear, right?

1:40And so I say it because it's what I say to myself all the time. And I think that there's an illusion because of the success I've had that I don't feel those things. And the reality is like I I joke so often with people like I'm like, "Oh yeah, I'm absolutely terrified, but I will do it." Like I am both. Um and I think that for me in the beginning when I was first wanting to start a business, I was understand I was hearing everyone just being entrepreneurs all going out there, they're making money. There was this illusion, especially on the internet, where it was like I felt like everyone just wasn't worried. Like they weren't scared. They didn't seem stressed. They're like on a beach drinking a martini. Like there's just this illusion of what success looks like. And it felt then it felt further away for me because it felt so unrelatable. And there was so many times in my journey like in the first, you know, six, seven years where I felt that way. And a lot of the times like I felt like there was something something wrong with me despite the fact that I would still do the thing even though I was terrified. And it wasn't until I got to a certain point in my career where I started meeting so many of the people that I had looked up to that I had like listened to that I and I realized that they had had these public personas but then they had hidden this part of themselves where they were insecure, scared, where they would be vulnerable.

2:56And I remember telling many of them when I met them, I was like, you would have helped me so much more if I had known that part of you existed. And so when I started making content, I was like, I will not make content unless I make the whole holistic content, which is like all of me. And I don't want to hide the fact that I do have a lot of fears and I do tend to be more of an anxious person, have these things I've had to deal with my whole life. And I think that's normal and okay. And so, you know, I say that because it's like I have to yell it at myself some days because there's so many things that I'm doing even constantly in business because if you want to keep growing, you have to keep doing things you've never done before. And inherently that's provokes stress and anxiety because your brain can't predict what's going to happen. And I think in I would say that was the first piece of it. The second piece of it is in learning, you know, I would say going on that journey myself, like I've done so much research on just behavioral psychology and reading so many books by some of like the greatest minds that have developed psychology, you know, hundreds of years ago. Realizing that that is just how your brain is programmed. There's nothing wrong with you. You don't need to be medicated. You don't have to think that you need to label yourself. And I've been suggested all of those things in my life. Um, and I I denied that because I said, I think this is a normal thing, but that we just have this societal expectation that goes against it and says that it's not okay, but the fact is it still exists even if we ignore it. And so, honestly, I say it because like I want other people to feel okay. And one of the biggest things that I strive for in making content is I want people to feel like they can relate to me because I am a relatable person. I think anybody that knows me would would be able to say that. And I don't want anyone to feel like success is not achievable for them because I'm hiding a piece of myself that makes me seem like I'm this hero who's unflawed and untouchable. I don't think that helps people. I think it actually just further separates people and makes it something that is hard to reach. So I think that's where it comes from. I mean that is where it comes from.

4:53>> Yeah. Yeah. The the statement you started that with was something I was just explaining to some of my friends who are creators yesterday, which is sometimes the content I make is just a reminder to myself. >> Yeah. >> You said, I I need I say it cuz I need to hear it. Rick Rubin is an artist consultant. He's worked with the Chili Peppers, Taylor Swift, the Best Minds, and he says the best art he's ever seen is the art created solely for the creator. And yeah, there's an intent to serve and help people when I make content, for sure, as there is for you.

5:21>> Yeah. But when I make videos sometimes about locking in or doing the work when you don't feel like it, it's because I don't [ __ ] feel like it in the moment and I need to tell myself of course journal. >> Yeah. >> And and the fact that we have this brain that is still very much wired for 400 years ago when we had to predict likelihood of survival. >> Yeah. >> And where where there is uncertainty, there is a perceived risk, but the world is so safe now that that risk is no longer real. But the brain doesn't know that. I I love the line of thought around there being a direct correlation between the level of success that you can have in life and the amount of uncertainty that you can tolerate. And I think that that's a very very important reminder that you drive home and also the the vulnerability piece. The the way you worded that is perfect. I've never heard it put that way which is when I saw people being successful and showing their glamorous life, it made success feel further from me. And I think that the misconception is that you're not afraid or you're not uncertain or worried that you'll [ __ ] it up if you do something, if you take a risk, if you take a new avenue. And it's really important and powerful that you do that.

6:25And when we were talking actually back in March, you said something that was inspiring for me. >> Back before we had done the show, you hadn't yet stepped into chairwoman for managing partner. >> And I remember you said, "I don't know if I'm going to be good at it. I'm a little bit afraid." >> Yeah. And hearing that from you, for me was wonderful to to know that someone at your level can be afraid and still do it anyway. So practically, if we get highly tactical with it, how do you move through uncertainty in times of change and trying new avenues?

6:59>> Yeah. You know, I think it's kind of one of those things where it's like the tools that get you to a certain spot are the tools that you should keep sharp. Um, and so for me, you know, constantly, I would say not constantly, but like reminding myself through the literature I read, through the podcasts I listen to, through anything. Um, like I reread those books on psychology, like at least once a year, each one of them, because it's it's funny. It's like everyone's always like, "Where can I improve?" It's probably the same thing it was 10 years ago. Like most of us have the same problem our whole life, and it's just to what degree are you going to solve for that deep hole inside of you? And like mine has always been that. And so, like, it's never really gone away. it just gets way it gets a lot better over time.

7:38And so doing that is one. For two, um having um support systems. So like I I have a therapist, I have a coach I work with, I have people that can help me hold myself accountable because I really think that like in terms of for me like what I'll do is you know for example at the beginning of the year I set goals for the business. I also set personal development goals and usually those are what are the things I'm most afraid of and then like what do I want to get over? Um, and so those are things that, um, I'll focus on with a therapist and it's like, okay, what's the plan we're going to put in place? And I know when I meet that person each week, it's like, all right, they're going to ask how it's going. Did I do the things I said I was going to do? And I really like working with somebody who's um, I don't like necessarily just talking. I want us to like put in practical steps where I can take action towards something. That's been incredibly helpful for me. And I would say that the last piece is surrounding yourself with people who don't judge you for whatever it is you're working through and that you can speak freely to. I think probably one of the hardest things for me like for a long time was feeling like for absolutely no good reason. I just like felt like I couldn't share any of those things with people. even I mean even Alex, my husband, even my my best friends, my parents um because I was afraid of the fact that I am imperfect and for so long that like was a prison I lived in which was like I I was having this conversation with Alex the other day actually as he said something he's like how are you so good at not caring what people think? He's like, "It's crazy." Because he's like, you know, six years ago it was like debilitating and now he's like, "You really I can tell you don't actually care." And I was like, "I honestly think that it was confronting the fact that the reason I cared so much was that I wanted to be perfect and I strive to be perfect." And then very quickly, as soon as I started making content online, every single imperfection in my entire life and brain that existed was pointed out to me. And it was super overwhelming at first. And then I realized that it was all true.

9:41And it's like, I've spent so much of my life fighting these things that are just the truth. I am imperfect and flawed. Who cares? It's not a secret. And whether you try to hide it or not, people see it. And I think sometimes when you try to hide it, it makes it worse cuz then people don't like you for the fact that you're not open about it. And they're like, are they even aware of the fact that they're a complete [ __ ] or complete, you know, whatever. Um, so I think all those things combined um have been how I manage that on a regular basis. Like I and and it's in seasons where I kind of have to know what season I'm in, which is like, hey, is this a season where I'm like really trying to tackle something that is like mentally difficult for me, but that's not every season, you know? It might be like that for a few months and then it's like, okay, now I've kind of mastered this and I'm going into a season where I'm more just executing on something. And I give myself space to not constantly be under this like you must get better at all points in time otherwise you're a piece of worthless [ __ ] and you know you're not developing and you're not like I don't think of things that way. I I really try and look at like my life holistically. I'm like based on everything on my plate. How do I want to phase these seasons? Like okay this is a season of heavy like personal development that'll benefit me everywhere. Now I'm going to season where like I actually really need to execute in the business and I think it would stress me out more and probably wouldn't get the best results if I tried to add on this big personal goal on top of it. So, I've also been okay with like pacing myself. I think that's helped me go for a long time at things because I just don't feel like there's a race. I'm like, I'm going to die and I'm still going to be imperfect and have flaws and anxieties and stress by, you know, when I go to the grave. So, it's like what's the point, you know?

11:08>> Yeah. So, content was a way that you had all of that sort of mirrored back to you, all those fears and stories. >> Oh my god. Yeah. >> I I made a video the other day about there's a bunch of people convincing and I'm one of them. Post content. Just try it. You never know. I'm walking proof. I was working a desk job and all of a sudden I woke up one day and everything was different. >> Yeah. >> And that's a great position from a freedom and entrepreneurial standpoint, >> but there's there's this self- therapy effect that takes place that I think recording content almost frees you from yourself.

11:38>> Yeah. >> Cuz there is nowhere to hide. >> Yeah. >> It's a it's a crazy mirror back to all the things you fear about yourself to be true and then show up anyway because there is this expectation. What if it's not good enough? What if it's not perfect? What it's all [ __ ] It's all stories we tell ourselves, I think, to keep us stuck. And I think the very thing that makes people great and human as creators, as business owners, is the imperfection and the acceptance and even vocalizing of those. So I think there's there's three pillars of realize to make really great creators. Something you do

12:08>> flawlessly whether you realize it or not. It's probably unconscious. There's informational, aspirational, and relational. Informational is the authoritative stuff you talk about. Relational is talking about your story, the thing that you had to overcome, or excuse me, relational is the human content, the fear. I'm doing this. I'm scared, but I'm going to do it anyway. And then you have the aspirational piece, which is here's where I was. Look at what I've built. Look at what I've had to overcome to get there. And the marriage of those three things is what makes a human being really, but also a fantastic creator. And the the community that you pointed out, too. I got a lot of questions from my following on this topic, which was, "I'm building a business. I'm posting. I'm trying to do something different, and I feel really lonely."

12:52>> Yeah. >> And there was a lot of female entrepreneurs that reached out to me, too. Specifically, I think of one of my clients. She's married, she's got kids, she's super driven and hungry. She runs an auto repair business, and it's a male-dominated industry, and she talks about that a lot, and it's hard for her. And she's looking for the path to finding community. and you seem like you've done a good job of building a life with people you love and care about. And you mentioned how important it is to have people that you can lean on. How did you build that? And was there a period where you just did all of this and didn't have that? Yes. And yeah, it it took effort. Um, you know, I think the first thing I tell people is like there's nothing wrong with being lonely because I think it is a good time for you to get to know yourself better.

13:36And one of the best things that I ever did is I had this internship where I lived essentially in this like little shack. It was like a mile from this resort I was working at in the woods. There was like no cell reception for 6 months. And at first I remember I just felt very overwhelmingly like lonely and anxious. And then after a good amount of time I realized that the reason I felt that way was I didn't have a good relationship with like my own thoughts.

14:00And through that journey, like it was one of the most like like the one of the biggest inflection points of my life because after that I was never scared of being alone again because I was like I actually really like my own company because I learned how to be a friend of myself and I think but prior to that I was really mean to myself and like the things I would say and the things I would think about they just weren't helpful. It was like I wouldn't talk to one of my best friends this way. And that really taught me a lot about how to have a relationship with myself, which I also think is like a very much like a grounding place for how to have a relationship with other people. So that's the first thing I will say. And I think you always have to look at the opportunity and anything cuz like sometimes the reality is like you're starting a business, you have two kids, you have a husband, you don't have that much physical time for friends. That's the truth. And I can say that cuz I have so many friends that have kids and husbands and are like, "Dude, I can have like one lunch every other week because they're" And it's not that that's a bad thing, but they're saying like, "My kids take priority right now. They're only young once." And I'm like, "That's okay." Like there's nothing wrong with that. Um I don't think judging yourself for wanting more time with your friends is a bad thing. But it is like okay, great. I recognize that I want more of that. Like how how do I go about getting that? And I'll tell you the biggest thing that I've seen recently and kind of like my perspective which is and I think it's like cultural but especially among women something I noticed which is like there's very much like women who have similar things stick together. One thing that like and I I'm guessing it's just how I was born cuz I think there's things you're born with, there's things that evolve. I never had a click in high school. It's like I was friends with like goth people, popular people, weird people, art people. Like I didn't care.

15:41I was just like, if you're a nice person and you like genuinely have values and ethics, like I want to get to know you. I still think about it now. So, I see a lot of women who then they come to me and they're like, I just want more women who like, you know, get what I'm going through. And I'm like, I totally get that, but like what about your friends from college or your friends that are your neighbors who have kids and like you're never going to find one person who has your exact life and can relate to everything you're going through. So, my life has become much more expansive since the fact that like my friend group, it's like my friends are so different. I have friends who are single, you know, female entrepreneurs that are [ __ ] killing it. I have friends who are trophy wives and have kids. I have friends who are single and, you know, work jobs and don't have kids and don't have boyfriends. I have friends that are married and in business together. I have friends that have none of those interests and just like are famous on their own. and and I like find something really interesting and valuable about all of those friendships.

16:36And I realized that for a really long time, I felt like in order for me to have a good friendship, I needed to be surrounded by people exactly like me. And that was like really limiting for me because I would say no to so many lunch dates and dinner dates and coffee dates and all these things because I'm like, well, they don't get what I'm going through. Well, who the [ __ ] will? Like like you, your doppelganger, you know what I mean? It's like, right. And so and I realized I was like man the beautiful thing about especially like female relationships is like women when you find women that are genuinely like you know great people right cuz anyone can be not a great person like they really want to support you no matter what even if they don't know what you're going through you know I have friends that have no idea of the things I go through in my life but they're like I will bl be on a plane there tomorrow and I will you know stay with you for a month if you need me to if you want me to help you with stuff around the house or anything cuz like they have the time because they don't run a huge business and though they don't know what I'm going through, like it's really nice to have that support even though they don't completely get it. They can listen, they can understand, they can empathize. Um, and I think that's been probably the biggest thing for me is like I just don't discriminate based on someone's lifestyle. As long as is moral and ethical,

17:44>> right? >> Um, you know, as long as they have values that I'm aligned with, I don't care what their life looks like. And I that has that change is what really opened it up for me because I realized that early on there's a lot of like and it is true. It's like you don't want to have friends who are dragging you down. But there's a difference between dragging you down and just not being quite the same as you. Like just because they're your friends from high school and they don't have these crazy ambitions that you have, does that mean that they're not rooting for you and cheering you on and like supporting you and like would listen when you're having a really bad day?

18:17Like that's all very valuable in a friendship. And it took me probably like a good 5 or 6 years to realize that. And until then, I didn't have a lot of friends because I just looked for people who were exactly like me. And that is hard to find. >> So I only had like two friends. And then as soon as I said, "This is dumb. I like who I like. And as long as they're morally and ethically sound and want to do good for this world, I don't give a [ __ ] what they do." >> Yeah.

18:42>> It's just completely different. you uh you could argue that advice would be contrarian from some of the hustle culture advice, which is you're going to outgrow your friends. If they don't share the interest as you, if they're not on the same path to winning as you or what winning to you looks like is not the same to them, then they got to go. But you're saying it's not necessarily the case, right? >> And and by the way, 10 years ago, I would have said that and I probably have because I believed it. >> Yeah. >> And you know, it's funny. It's like I some people like I can change my mind whenever I want, you know, and and that is something that in the last 5 years I've definitely changed my mind about because what I realized there's a difference between and I will say like when I was in my 20s I was hanging around people who were doing drugs, getting arrested, like things that were not in line with my values anymore when I decided I wanted to have these new values. That's different than just people who aren't as ambitious as me or want to like make the same sacrifices that I've made to have the life I have.

19:35And I really don't judge that anymore because there's times where I'm like, man, that looks nice. I wish I could just come home and not think about things for four hours and like hang with my family and friends and like have no care in the world. Like there's many days where I'm like, I totally understand why you do that. And maybe in another life I would choose that, but I didn't. So I I really like the variety now. And I think there's just something different between someone who's destructive and someone who if you think about, you know, just because they don't want the same things as you, well, if somebody listens to you when you're down, if they support you, if they cheer you on, if they tell you that they believe in you, how is that not making your life better?

20:11Just because they don't know exactly what you do and they don't have the aspirations, they don't make as much money, they don't have the fame, that is incredibly valuable. And I think that's just been something that took me probably just maturing to realize. >> Yeah. I think a parallel I pulled from you across all the things you just said there was to not have so much resistance to the way that things are which is when someone feels lonely. You said it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's an opportunity to get to know yourself deeply. I've experienced that. I told you before we started the the show that I was a nomad. I have been for 4 months and I've spent a lot of time by myself and I I went into this with the intent of I want to spend time with myself and and God. I want to build a stronger relationship with me and with the Lord.

20:52And this is a great way to do that to remove myself from anything. And I've gotten to this point now really at this 90ish 120day mark where I can feel the stress of my nervous system going get back to community, get back to routine, get back to your friends. It was just back home in Atlanta and I felt that. And I feel like now is where the beautiful things can really start to happen. If I sit in this tension, I can really learn from it and not resist. So don't resist the fact that you're lonely. Just be just be alone. It's okay. And don't resist the friends that are on not on the same path as you if they're good people who care about you.

21:27I think the Peter Cron says he uses the word suffering a lot. He's a really prominent self-help coach and I interviewed him a while back and he says suffering is the delta between the way things are and the way you think they should be. In that in that delta, that space is suffering. And I think that there's a lot to learn there from accepting the people just because they're different than you. If they love you, that's wonderful. That's a gift most people don't have. If you're alone, that's okay. That's a gift to introspect and learn.

21:55>> Yeah. >> I hope I'm hearing you right. >> No, it's 100%. I mean, I think that's been you can't fight reality. So, like why bother? You can try. >> You can try. And I think there's just so much and I I really like thank my dad for that because he's just like he's we have probably like similar temperament. Um but he's way better at just accepting stuff sooner than me cuz I think for me I'm like I've gained all these skills. I can change things and wield things into what I want, right? But that doesn't make me feel good inside.

22:26>> Like though I can avoid a lot of pain and discomfort. Do I want to in certain ways? And there's a lot of things like I could have no more hard conversations if I wanted to in my life. If I could not address anything that's bothering me, I could, but that doesn't make me feel good. And I think there's something so freeing about accepting what reality is because I think that's just it's you're accepting the human experience. We are like flawed and imperfect and everything nothing goes how we want it to go or as planned. And I think there's so much of us that we just create this illusion of certainty through skills, through money, through whatever we build. And I remember the first time like that was like completely pulled under the rug was co hit. And I I mean I don't know where you were at that time. I had three businesses. They were crushing.

23:09Boom. And it was like, wow, we're on this trajectory. You know, everyone's like, congratulations. You guys sold your business for, you know, $50 million. We were supposed to sell for $150 million. So, like, never felt like a success. Um but co hit and we were in the process of selling and it you know cut our business in half and then it's in a terrible market and I just remember I was just like I could fight this which like I will do everything in my control to make sure my businesses survive through this which I did but there was like a the overarching thing I had was like I can't predict what's going to happen. I can't promise anybody certainty and I don't know what's going to happen. And it was like that was a really good time for me because I grew a lot as a leader and as a person um in realizing how much uncertainty I could tolerate and how much I could improve myself within the circumstances of that uncertainty. It's like you have so much exploration you can do about yourself and you learn so much about yourself when things are so uncertain and there's just a lot of things in life that I think throw that at you. Um, and you never know when they're going to happen.

24:12And, um, I think I hate saying the older you get, I think the more of those things happen, but you've probably seen that by now. Like the older you get, the more tragedy you experience and the more loss and the more things you have to grieve and people that you lose. And um, that's been really real for me. And I'm like, I can't control it. >> Yeah. I'm not going to try and waste my whole life worrying about it because there's so many other beautiful things I'd rather experience in life, you know.

24:38>> Yeah. There's a degree there's some things that only age and guile, as my dad used to call it, can teach you. He'd say age and guile defeats youth and enthusiasm. Once again, he would say that all the time. But the sometimes just being on the earth for longer, you endure hardship. You endure grief. My dad died last year and he was my best friend in the whole world and it was the the worst thing I've ever been through to to move home and blow up life as I know it to be his caretaker alongside my mom and it was traumatic but it was also the the greatest thing that's ever happened to me because I got to feel the pain that comes with the joy of loving someone that deeply. It means our relationship was really special and it taught me a lot and it gave me what you're talking about which is accepting a degree of I think the word is surrender. Yeah,

25:25>> surrender to accept the things you can't change. I mean, that's what the serenity prayer is about, right, in Christianity. And I am a Christian. And so, that's this desire I had to hold on to so much, fighting with doctors, fighting with him about changing his habits till he up until he ultimately passed. There was this point shortly before where I just felt like I was holding a hot pan and wondering why I was getting burned. And all I had to do was set the [ __ ] pan down. And so much of that suffering and that pain could be released if we just let things go.

25:54>> But I think you can only in some facet some people endure it at expeditious rates at younger ages. But there's just life you got to live before you can really embody that that actually some of the most fulfillment and peace you can get is from not trying to change things and not trying to control things >> and realizing you can still live it either way and you'll you can handle it. >> Mhm. It's funny you say the surrender bear cuz I had a bracelet for like 10 years of the surrender bear cuz I didn't get it from church. I got it from uh kids at Alcoholics Anonymous. So my mom Yeah. My mom was an alcoholic. My dad, you know, once he found out cuz they were divorced, he was like, "I really want you to go into this group." And so uh you would start every session with the serenity prayer. And so that was just like what I kind of like grounded myself in because for years, you know, I lived with her and um she would be drinking and I would try and control it.

26:41I would take away her keys. I would, you know, lock the car, you know, and I'm only like 10 to 11 when this is happening. I'm finding the bottles and throwing them out because I'm like, she's going to kill herself. She's going to die. And then like it was my earliest like lesson early on about life and acceptance, which was when I finally relinquished myself of that and I said, I'm leaving and if you die, it's not my fault. And I just realized, I was like, wow. I was putting her entire life in my hands for like years, like probably six years that I was like all I thought about all day every day was just keeping her alive and making sure she didn't die and making sure she was okay. And that prayer and like going to that, you know, children of alcoholics and all this, I don't even know what it's like anymore.

27:23It's very different. But um it was so helpful because it was all about acceptance and I think even in going to sessions where I would watch, you know, there's like family of alcohol. There's like a whole there's a whole >> I didn't know this. I thought there was just a >> No, there's like family of them, spouses of them, relative. There's like a whole thing uh community. And like the biggest thing I even watched do that was that at least the lesson I took away as a kid was that most people in there were drinking because they didn't want to accept their life. There was something that they were resisting, not accepting, and they wanted to forget it, buffer it, not feel it. And that was like really good to learn early on because I was like, I don't want to buffer my life with anything, you know? doesn't lead anywhere good. Like [snorts] life hurts.

28:08>> Yeah. >> And I think there's also something really beautiful about feeling those things. Even though it's like terrible, it's also like well what's the other side of that? Like if you can't feel like as horrible and terrible it feels to lose somebody that you love. You got the love. And so it's a trait, you know. >> Yeah. That's another thing Peter taught me when I we had the podcast and I kept saying I lost my dad. And he said, "Stop saying that." And I went, "What do you mean?" And he said, "You didn't lose anything. You gained a love that was so powerful that it's worth getting mistied over 6 months later."

28:42>> Yeah. >> And that's that's something that not everyone has. Um my my siblings, they're they have a different dad and he same mom and I've never shared this before. Hopefully you guys don't get mad. Um he passed 6 months before. Yes. [laughter] I love you guys. 6 months before my dad died, uh he my dad was actually in the hospital. It was right around the time we found out that he was sick and we don't actually know exactly what he had, which was a weird experience. He died, my dad, of something adjacent to liver failure, but his liver was fine. It's a long story. Point is, their dad passed away. And I remember we were all in the hospital and we got the word that he had died. And they just went, they kind of paused for a moment. They went, "All right, well, what's the what's the latest with dad?" my dad, our dad. And no one even went to pick up his ashes, their birth father. And I think about that a lot. I think about all the pain that I felt when I was caring for my dad as he was getting sicker and sicker and had less agency. But I also remember there was a moment he and I were outside and we were sitting on the hood of my car just getting some fresh air cuz he hadn't been outside in a while. And we were sitting in silence and out of nowhere he said, "You know, maybe our relationship was so special because we knew we wouldn't have as much time as everybody else." And I'll never forget that. And I think he was right. And it means, like you said, that the love was there. If the pain's there, the love was there. And that's something that a lot of people don't get. And that's a gift.

30:08And that's not a loss. That is an ultimate gain in my opinion. >> It's a really, really great perspective. >> I agree with it. But yeah, I mean, you know, it's funny cuz you're like, you know, there's so much good that comes out of this, but like that's not how most people operate. >> Yeah. Well, it's where the my favorite verse in the Bible, James 1 2-4 says, "Count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance run its course so that you may be complete and lacking nothing." And so, we should count it all joy when we endure those things. I feel more like myself. I I understand that I can show up for myself. You went through tremendous hardship with your mom and carried an impossible burden or tried to, which was her life in your hands. That's not yours to carry. But I would be, if I could be presumptive, I would bet you've learned a lot through those hardships and those experiences. Those are really where we're molded and sanctified. I think is through the hardest things we've ever been through.

31:06>> You find out if you can trust yourself or not. You know, I always think to myself, I'm like, how do I want to what's the story I want to be able to tell about this next year? And like when I'm talking to myself, when I'm by myself, do I want to really know that like I handled it or like did I fold? And I'm like, damn, I want to say I handled it. You know, I think it's like kind of picturing yourself like how do I continue to make myself proud and like become a person that's got my own back in those moments. That is just like something you cannot teach. Like you can't you can't put a price on that, you know?

31:39>> No. And I don't know also inherently like where that comes from because I think some people get it and some the the older I get. I also do think like there's nature and nurture and there's like some nature that is very strong. There are some people that you can teach them everything and train them and it just doesn't there's a lot of reinforcement in the opposite direction. >> Do you think it's a decision? Do you think that at some point you decided to have the grit that you decided to look at life through that lens when you go through hard things and that everyone can decide or is it inherent? I did make a decision when I was younger. I'll never forget that actually. Weird that you asked. But I remember I was 8 years old and my mom hadn't come home in a few days and I was like, "Is she dead or like what's going on?" And nobody knew that she was gone cuz I didn't want to get her in trouble cuz my parents divorced she got me full-time. Um, and I remember I was like sitting in this guest room that we had with like this little cord phone cuz it was so old.

32:34This is back with dial upright where you had like you couldn't use the phone and the computer at the same time. Um, and I kept calling her. They like, "Answer, just tell me that you're okay. Like, I don't even like care where you are. I just want to know you're alive." And I just remember like looking out the window and the only thought I had is I was like, "You have to make it worth it." And it was just like, I don't know where it came from, but it was just like, "You've got to make the rest of your life worth the pain that you're experiencing right now." And I was like, "All right, I got to [ __ ] do that somehow." And like, for some reason, that was just like in my mind from that day after. I was like, "You got to make it worth it." And I didn't know how, but I was like, I'm going to do I will make it worth it somehow. Like whatever I can do to make my life better and is in my power, I will do to make up for the fact that there's a lot of things right now that I can't. And I think in a way it was like accepting the fact that I cannot change her. I can't change the situation. I'm a kid and like I can't change what my parents going to do, but I can have influence over the rest of my life and make it so great that it just very much like overshadows this period.

33:33And I I don't know where that comes from, especially when you're young. And I always think about that and I'm like, I don't know where that came from in my head. Ever. >> How old were you when you decided that? >> Eight. >> Eight. So that was your aha moment. That was your this what feels like maybe the compass that's guiding you still today, building an incredible life for yourself. >> Yeah. I don't I I really don't know what changed. I don't know what it was. I still couldn't to this day. I just remember looking out the window and thinking that.

34:01And Yeah. So, it's like little things like that. I'm like, I don't know. Maybe my brain was like preloaded with these thoughts. Like, I have no idea. >> Is it inherent? Is it within us and not within others? I think about that, too, because when I talk about surrender and letting go, people just Some people get it and some people say, "But how?" And it's like, I don't My grandpa used to say, "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you." >> It's quite easy. You do nothing. [laughter] >> That's what I say. It's simple. You just let go. You just don't try to decide anything. It's so funny because like my um one of the my like coaches I had in the past, he was like I just remember when I was like how do you do that? He's like you literally just do nothing. And I was just like and I remember I was like I don't know how to do that. And it was like such an interesting concept and I realized wow acceptance takes so much less effort than all these other things.

34:49and all the effort that you put into trying to, you know, morph reality, it's also it creates this feeling of like anxiety and stress and urgency that is self-perpetuated. It doesn't even need to be there. So, it is really funny because whenever I think like what should I do right now? Like nothing. Half the time I'm like, and me [snorts] and Alex have this like thing we say we're like uh like trump card, do nothing. Like it's just like this is bothering me. This do nothing. like we both know it because we're both very much like there's probably nothing to do with the situation.

35:19>> I actually love that. I I wonder if there's a tipping point cuz when I think about my decision to let go and be surrendered to God and his will for my life and what things happen that I can't control. It was a tipping point of pain. It was being tired of being in pain. >> Yeah. >> And you know they say like the action potential of change. It's the root of sales. No pain, no sale. Because you cannot change anything until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing because both are inherent. Whether you're plugging in a new product to your business or you're grieving a loved one. Change is uncomfortable. Staying the same hurts the two. One has to be greater than the other. So for me it was I'm so sick and tired of this. The fighting, the battles, the sleepless nights, the anxiety that I just let go. I put the pan down. I mean, is it possible that you just hit a point with the the pain you were in of not having heard from her that you just decided somehow at a very young age to have the introspection to say, "I'm done."

36:17>> I think so. Actually, now that you say that, I I I would guess so because I think even now, you know, when I don't catch myself soon enough, when I get into enough pain, suddenly I'm like, I have to let go. I can't carry this thing or it's too heavy and like I'm trying to solve this with the wrong tool. >> So, I I do think it is something There's Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I don't have any explanation because I was a kid and I don't think I knew anything back then. >> Yeah, you got lucky. You haven't inherently in you.

36:44>> Yeah, I do think I definitely feel like I got lucky and my dad has good jeans. So, [laughter] >> well, one thing you've done really well throughout the conversation and all the time is you communicate incredibly proficiently and you make content often around the power of that tool. And I do the same thing. I think you're only as good as your ability to tell your story. And you referenced in a video that there was an MIT study where they took highly successful, profitable companies and the communicative teams, the highly communicative teams outperformed the highly skilled teams on average.

37:19>> Yeah. >> So when it comes to communication, I mean, you're doing it now with your ability to articulate your thoughts and feelings. How did you get to that point? >> Really? Um I think that a lot of it was forced in the beginning which is you know when started my first business with Alex um I had never managed anybody before. I hadn't had to influence people besides like sales in the past before but it was a different scale and the interesting part was that I would just watch myself all day and I think it's it probably did start in sales. You watch yourself having conversations all the time and then I went into my company and I'm watching myself run meetings all the time. You're on I'm on Zoom right as a remote company. Now it's in person, so you know, I can't watch myself anymore.

37:59But um [laughter] uh so I I it was so easy to pick up little things and I would notice like my posture. I would notice like, oh, I don't look very friendly. I would notice and it it was almost um in sales I remember reading um an article and it was something to the degree of like and I don't you know I don't even know if I like I don't know what side cuz some people say she's crazy but Beyonce I remember hearing that she watched all of her shows after like right after she watched the game tape and so when I was in sales I would watch or listen to the recordings as soon as possible. when I started her first company, I was so terrified of failing that, you know, I I really got lucky because I had a lot of like good people early on who like you need to learn how to be a great leader, like otherwise everything will will fail. And so I was like, okay, I'll just watch my meetings like I watch sales calls. And so I end up just watching myself a lot and being able to selforrect. I'd find I would find one or two things and then I would usually write like a sticky note of like what do I need to change? Like for a long time I noticed like I'm very expressive and like that'll be good when I'm like making content. Um but when you're talking to your team and they say something that pisses you off and you're like

39:06>> terrible you'd be a terrible poker player. >> [ __ ] terrible. Yeah. Exactly. And so I was like [ __ ] Okay. So I had a little sticky note was like be neutral. Um I had another one that was like uh don't look too cold. Like I would just have little cues for myself because I because I take the time to watch myself and improve. And I think through doing that, it's interesting cuz like a lot of people um actually I was actually Jenna the other night and I ran into a girl and it was really cool cuz she said, "I watched this video on your communication. I want you to know that's why I got this job." And I was like, "How?" She's like, "I couldn't articulate myself in the interview and I watched your video and I applied the four principles and like I got the job."

39:42And I was like, "That's really cool." Um but with that, like it's just little things that I learned over time. >> [snorts] >> It's interesting like you know when my team is like hey you should make a video on communication. >> I have never once watched like somebody else's video on communication like you know people use the same thumbnails and titles in a lot of like YouTube stuff. I've never once and I do not like chat GBT or Google like I'm like I just think like what are the things that I have learned over the years and

40:08>> it's just been not being afraid to be in the trenches learning it. I think the reason a lot of people don't actually get better at communication is because something goes wrong. They don't communicate well. They lose the sale. they don't run a good meeting and then they're like, "I'm just not good at it." No, you're just not experienced. Like, of course you're not good at something that you haven't tried hard enough at, that you haven't put the reps in for. I tell everybody in my company, I'm like, "Listen, you have to be okay with the first floppy pancake. It's like you put butter on the pan and it soaks it all up and it's like it it tastes good, but it looks like [ __ ] and it's like, you know, covered in butter and like you don't serve it to anybody, right?" Um, and I love pancakes, so that's like my favorite, you know, acronym. Um, and so I always think of things like that. And so even with people on my team, I started thinking, okay, well, how can I teach people here to communicate? And so, you know, I'll give you an example of somebody um on my team. I won't put the names so she doesn't get embarrassed, but you know, I remember she couldn't even speak up on a meeting.

40:59And this was about 4 years ago. And I said to her boss, I said, "Hey, I noticed that she doesn't have the presence on meetings, so let's have her run a presentation." And he was like, "Why?" And I was like, "Well, we have to get her to improve, otherwise if we don't give her the shots, she's never going to learn. So, let's give her like a segment on the meeting." And so gave her a segment on the meeting. First time she does it. [snorts] It's just, you know, it's bad. So she reaches out to me. She's like, "That was [ __ ] awful. All these things, blah, blah." And I just said, "I'm so [ __ ] proud of you for doing that, and you will do it again and again and again." And she went from not being able to speak on a meeting because we just kept going to being able to speak a 15-minute segment to being able to run a whole team meeting to then speaking on our stage to then being able to run half of an event and speaking in front of hundreds of people in like 8 months.

41:48>> And like it's crazy to see because I think what's different for people who aren't great at communicating, people that are, is that these ones just don't let failure stop them from going. And I now have seen it so many times. I mean, we have so many people here who are so good at their jobs, but they're terrible at advocating for themselves or talking about their job. For example, Alex can probably talk about what I do better than me, but he can't do it better than me because he's very skilled at communicating something to somebody. It is a different skill. So you know for example here we have um you know a couple people who are director of investments director of sales very good at running their teams building cultures doing their jobs not great at communicating it put them in the same track both became top speakers at our events in our advisory practice after like a very short amount of time and if you also look at like the micro things that go into that what did we do in the beginning is when when I was leading our advisory practice which was for like a year and a half I would have everybody come and they'd be practicing a presentation and they would be going through it and the moment that they messed up, I would say, "Redo."

42:53And it was that live correcting in the moment, too. And I would normalize it. That's fine. Redo it. Say it right. Cuz I don't want you to remember saying it the wrong way. And so even when like I'm giving a presentation to my team and I say something wrong, I just go back and resay it, right? I'm not afraid that I messed up, but I definitely don't want to remember the mistake for next time. I want to recorrect myself and then move forward. And I think that, you know, it's like, it's so funny because there's always tricks and hacks on communication, but I'm like, you just have to be okay with looking bad. Like, I did not was not the clearest communicator for many years. And that became glaringly obvious when I married Alex, who is a great communicator. And I realized I was like, "Wow, there's a lot of times where I hold back. I'm not as articulate. I don't have as large of a span of vocabulary as him." And I realized how much better he could communicate ideas to people because of that. And for me to do my job really well, I didn't want to have to rely on him for that. And so a lot of it too for me was I was very motivated by being able to be an equally contributing partner in our business. I didn't want him to be the one that had to communicate the vision to our team.

43:54That's not his job. I didn't want him to be the one that had to communicate what we were doing for the year. Like that's my job. >> And so I think the motivation combined with like not being afraid to look bad. If you can do both of those things, like you're motivated and you're not afraid of looking stupid. It's just like most people are just so afraid of what people are going to think. >> Yes. >> And I try really hard to reward people for trying even if their attempt was bad because if you [gasps] A lot of people think, you know, coaching is like, well, if they did bad, I need to correct them.

44:28Well, if you just scold the fact that they did poorly, you're disincentivizing them from trying again. So corre congratulate the fact that they, you know, did it and then they're more likely to try again. And and they will selfcorrect. Most people [ __ ] know. Like there's so few instances where somebody isn't aware of the fact that they [ __ ] bombed it. So yeah, it's it's actually it's funny you asked about it because like one of my favorite things to teach people to do that like to public speak and stuff because like watching how it changes them and like their confidence. It's like it's so cool to watch somebody who like could barely talk on a meeting and now they're like presenting in front of like a whole group of people and [ __ ] killing it, you know?

45:04>> Oh, I know. That's why I revamped my whole business. I was a I was fitness coaching and closed it to do communication of public speaking. >> Wow. >> My biggest passion. Did you know it's the number one fear in many surveys ahead of death is public speaking. Ahead of death. There's a famous saying, I'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy at the funeral. >> So funny. >> That afraid. And the way I view it is if you can conquer most people's number one fear, what can you do with your life?

45:30You be the one that can give the toast, give the prayer, get up on the stage at the event. It's it's a [ __ ] superpower. And you mentioned a big part of it is just building the callus of being comfortable with failing, [ __ ] up, overcoming that fear of perception, of being perceived. Gary Vee said to me once, once you realize everybody's just like a scared, hurt 14-year-old internally, the playing field becomes level and you everybody just wants to fit in. and putting themselves on stage where they could be judged and stared at by multiple people risks that being compromised. And it's just like the gym.

46:07You know, the first time you ever picked up the barbell and it hurts your hands or squatted and the barbell hurts your back over time, you just build a callous and you become numb. >> That's a good analogy. >> And that's why I view the public speaking muscle is something you can train and grow and the public speaking callus can be built. And you mentioned the woman that came up to you and got a job through your four pillars video. Would you mind sharing what the four pillars of communication are? >> To be honest, I have two videos on it, so I wasn't sure which one she had talked about. If it was the one on how to demand respect from communication or communication in general. Um, however, I think that she was talking about the one where basically what I go through is um your physical presence, removing filler language, not hedging. Um and then I think the the last part that I talk about is using more absolute language rather than uncertainty. I don't know if I say it in that term but those are the the principles essentially. So it's like what I realized for myself for example is I used to be like well I don't know about it and like I'm not an expert but it's like I would start everything like that like hedging like it's oh I don't I don't know. And and then I was like, "Oh my god, I sound so who wants to listen?"

47:14Cuz at when you're first starting to speak to somebody, you that's like the hook, right? It's like, "Why should I listen to you?" And if I'm already coming off uncertain, I'm going to lose you immediately. It's >> like asking for permission to take up space before you do it, which diminishes your authoritative figure. >> Exactly. Correct. Um the second thing that I talk about is your body language. So something that I used to do a lot is I bite my nails. I did I would like do all sorts of things and like scratch and like my hair. And actually, like in our last company, this is embarrassing, um, they made a parody of me and Alex, right, a video. And the video was me smacking my gum, biting my nails, playing with my hair.

47:50>> Just a compilation of those things. >> Yeah. It was just like five different clients dressed up like me with like a wig and like big eyelashes and like a whole thing. And they just did those things. And I remember I was like, "Wow, I don't like that." Like, not that I was embarrassed, but I was like, "Oh my god, I do do that." And then I realized I was like, "Wow, how that doesn't make me feel powerful when I'm communicating. And so I learned to use my hands differently, even just like how I sit more open. I try not to be like closed off like this. I used to sit like this a lot. Um it doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel closed off.

48:25And then typically like I communicate differently. So um I talk about that. And then the other piece is using the filler words, which again I think comes from I I talked more about like emotionally regulating yourself before you even conversation because I think a lot of people focus too much on not using filler words. Whereas I think the root issue is that you're scared and you're nervous. And when I'm uncertain of what I'm talking about and I haven't rehearsed, I haven't thought about ahead of time. I haven't prepared myself mentally, I will use a lot more filler words than if I've prepared, I know the content and I feel good going into the conversation. As good as I could feel, right? which preparing helps when you're not naturally feeling good in the situation. Um, so I assumed it was those things. I really think like the number one if I had to say though is the hedging. Like I can't tell you how many times like I'm talking to people and they hedge like seven times before they tell me something and I'm like I definitely don't want to invest in your company. [laughter] It could be great but I don't know if I believe in you.

49:20>> So if you believe in you, >> right? Because I'm like wow. For me, I hedged for a long time because I don't like telling people what to do. I want people to feel like they have autonomy and I even, you know, Alex jokes with my content. He's like, "Dude, just take some credit. Like, say what you've done." And I'm like, "I don't I like I just I have a hard time with it." And so, like, I'll hedge like I'm not an expert. I've only done it for 10 years. I've only done this.

49:45>> I've only done it for 10 years is a [ __ ] crazy sentence, by the way. A really good amount of time. >> People that are teaching that have done it for 30 or 40 years. It's the real thing. Um, and so for me it's like I want to almost qualif I want to like pre-qualify my information. [snorts] Um, and I realized like that doesn't instill confidence in. >> Yeah. It's it's communication is a highly psychological practice where 55% of is non-verbal.

50:09It's 55% is is non-verbal. 38% is tonality, pitch, inflection, and speed. Seven is only spoken word. So, there's so much to if I was sitting here talking to you like this, not only am I going to perceive myself differently, you're going to perceive me differently. >> And then filler words are killer words. >> Oh, I I It's funny because um I tell Alex all the time like, "Well, we'll meet somebody and they won't look you in the eye." And I'm like, "I can't. Why won't that guy look you in the He's like, "I don't know." And I'm like, "I can't." It's it's like the weirdest thing, but it's like I don't trust when people can't look you in the eye. I'm like And I don't I actually noticed that you don't have a problem with that.

50:42There's so often that I'm talking to somebody doing an interview and I have no problem looking in the eye and I feel like they're like they're like looking like how the [ __ ] do I escape from this like this is too much and I'm like wait we're just talking like don't you look people in the eye? Um so it's really interesting. >> Yeah. There's a I had a professor in college. I went to a professional sales degree. So my I have a bachelor's of business administration in professional sales. >> It's it changed my life. One of the best decisions I've ever made. There's only 30 business schools in the country that do it.

51:12>> Oh, wow. >> And 72 that offer sales curriculum, and I'll hype this up to any young person that goes to the schools that have it. >> Because to have a bachelor's in professional sales, an actual BBA is confusing to people, but all they teach you is human psychology, public speaking, and sales skills, which everybody needs. >> And I had a professor. We did sales call role plays every day, all day on camera. So, I overcame those fears of being perceived early. But one of the things he would do was, "Have you been to Costco or Sam's Club?" And they have the clicker where they're counting people.

51:43>> Yeah. >> He had one of those for filler words. And so I'd walk out of a sales call roleplay that he'd be watching on film from the other room. And he'd go, "Great job. You said like 73 times in 22 minutes." So it was just Pavlovian's conditioning into getting filler words out of my mind. >> It works. But you're right. A lot of it was discomfort, a lack of preparedness. And another thing I noticed was I was uncomfortable with a bit of silence.

52:09>> And great speakers can manipulate and use silence to convey power or just give your mind a moment. Some people just blankly say like um you know or write because they can't let their mind catch up in their mouth of silence. And it really diminishes your authority I think. >> No, it's interesting as you said that I was like that was the last one actually which was to be okay with the silence. Um and it's funny because I didn't used to be okay with the silence either. I think I would try and fill it with whatever I could even during sales calls. I was telling the story last week when we made content. Do you remember that? Yeah. Uh and I was saying how like it during the sales process like I would ask for the sale and then I'd be like so what do you think? Because they wouldn't respond and I remember then I was like I just had to like sit there and let them and then it was like minutes and I was just like wow. But you you learn and then the person's like okay I'll sign up. we can start start saying you're like

53:01>> they needed five minutes to just sit and think in silence, you know, and I was just not comfortable with it. And so that was a really powerful lesson in sales is like learning to like ask yourself and shut the [ __ ] up. >> Yeah, that's literally what my my manager and professors in college would say. They say, "Would you like to go ahead and stop talking cuz the first person to talk is going to lose." >> So true. >> It's it's a powerful it's it's a legitimate superpower. And I think there's one thing I would love to teach people across content is that you are not stuck as a poor communicator. You're not meant to be scared to speak on stage. And if you can learn to do this, it's incredibly empowering for your brand that you're building, which is something I know that you talk a lot about. You actually I was watching a piece of your content the other day about [snorts] brand association and tips you give people for building

53:48>> strong brands. And we're in this era of personal brand. People standing up products off the back of their branding. You promoting acquisition through your own personal brand, the business and the personal side. And you mentioned something. I think what you said was, "If I wear Chanel and Prada, I have it right here. You associate me with luxury. If I wear Aloe and Lulu, you associate me with health and fitness." People without strong brands either do no association or far too much association and they become sort of agnostic to who they want to work with.

54:18you mentioned like speaking on stage with anybody, collabing with anybody on your socials, the death of a brand is that, but also doing none of it. So, when it comes to creators building strong personal brands, or maybe standing up their products on the back of branding, communication's key, but what else do you recommend someone like me or other creators do to make a really rockolid brand? >> Yeah, it's interesting because I think a lot of how I see brand is like I've never I don't think about myself as a creator and when people call me I'm always like so interesting. Um because so much of what I learned that I think applies to brand is actually just the things I've learned like how do you become a great leader that people want to follow. Um and I think it's like very similar principles and so I think about one you have to stand for something. Um and the thing that I learned through building my companies is I have my values and those are what I stand for and if I do not live or die by those nothing else matters. I think the same for content. So the things that I claim about myself to be true, I need to stand by those values and show people that to some degree, whether it be like I'm advocating for them, I'm advocating for things that work against them. Um, and so I think it's good to have things that you stand strongly for and against. Um, now I think there's a tasteful way to do it. I have never been somebody I will never [ __ ] on somebody. I will never talk bad about somebody. I will never even [ __ ] on a different lifestyle because I I I honestly don't believe that that is a bad I think you do whatever you want with your life. Um, but I will talk about what I stand for and why. And I'm very passionate about that. I think that for a lot of people that scares them to just even just communicate that and and maybe it's because they don't know, they haven't thought about it. I think it's good to start with like what do I stand for?

55:52What are my values? What do I want to be known for in this world? Um, that's really important to start with. I had a head start because in leading the company, I already had to think about that stuff. So, it was really easy just to be like, it's the same. Um, the second piece of it that I see, and this is probably more relevant for people that make content, is the oversaturation of capitalizing all the opportunities that come your way. So, you know, people who have 100,000, 200,000, 300,000 followers. Um, I see especially around that spot, people get a lot of people that reach out, do you want to push my product? I'll send you this for free.

56:25Could you endorse this? I give you a code for this. Um, and all of a sudden, you're like, what are you about? Like, are you pushing like baking stuff? Are you this? Are you? And I do believe and I've talked to a lot of different people in the industry about this, like there's there are only so many buckets that people can associate you with in their head. And it starts to then dilute because it's almost like now we're a little confused. The human brain can only have so many things it's holding on to at once to to understand who you are.

56:53And I think a lot of people because they are scared of not making money or that the opportunity is going to go away or they're not going to have better opportunities in the future. I think that they try and bring those things in and they're like affiliating and branding and pushing all these different things and um especially people who I think don't have a business and then just start a brand I think and maybe don't have like a good manager or operator. I think it's definitely something that I've seen where then all of a sudden I'm like I don't know you were wearing Chanel yesterday and now you're pushing this thing that's like associated with you know Walmart and it's like so are you Walmart or are you Kohl's? um you know, you were pushing this thing for health, but now you're drinking. Um I've seen that before where people are like, I'm a health thing, but then some alcohol brand comes on by and they're like, hey, you know, I know guys, you haven't seen me drink much, but like when I do, I drink this. It's like, okay,

57:42>> like why bother? Um is kind of what I think. So, I've been very picky with my brand. Like I I mean this yesterday um somebody offered me, you know, $350,000 to put a small insert in my video for their company and I it's like it's a good company, but I it's not me. It's like not I was like this is more on brand for this type of person. Like it's just not of interest to me. Um and so instead, you know, I went to a media team. I said, here are the things I'm obsessed with. I would represent these brands in that way or like make a because I already tell everyone about them because I love them. [snorts] Um, so I think it's coming from more of like a first principles point of thinking which is like what do I already love?

58:25What are the brands I would die for? What are the and then how do they associate with my values? And I think it's finding that sweet spot like where do the things that I the products that I love interface with my values and I think that is how you create a really strong brand. So, you know, for example, um like I would be totally fine with promoting some sort of technology that would help you work faster, more efficiently, some sort of AI tool. I wouldn't be okay associating myself with like an AI tool that's just like marketing and sales driven cuz like that's just not what I'm into. I just like it's not that I don't like it or use it. Maybe my company does, but I'm just like not into it. But like I use certain tools all day. I have like three productivity tools I will live and die by. And I'm like, I want everyone to use these because it has saved me 50 hours a month. Um, and that's something that I would genuinely want to represent because it's something that I value, which is time and getting your time back so you can do the things that you love.

59:17So, I think most people don't really put that thought into it. Um, and especially now I think it's really interesting cuz like there's, you know, AI and that's like the hot topic to talk about, but I actually think brand's more important right now because anybody can build a rinky dink AI product and actually some people can build a not rinky dink AI product, but if you don't have market to you don't like own a piece of the market, you're just now competing as all these other people who now have a much lower barrier to entry and creating products because none of you have a brand. And I think that's really interesting. So I I think I think about a lot right now because I'm like I actually think now's the time to double down on brand where a lot of people like I'm going to learn how to code and do this stuff. I'm like I don't think that's wrong but like I don't see Kylie Jenner learning how to code

59:59>> and like does she need to do any of those people need to? Well they have huge brands. They can just find a product and associate their brand with it. I I don't think that's changed and I I don't think it will change for a while. So when you say double down on brand, is it safe to say then there's people obviously making the push towards AI coding automation world and then staying true to authenticity and who you already are coming up as as a creator. Is that what you're saying?

1:00:22>> Yeah, it's I think you have to know who you are which sometimes you have to ask yourself those questions and then I think you have to decide what do you want to be known for and then I think it is resisting be heard. I mean, if it's the truth, it's like everybody's like, I'm coding this thing. I'm vibe coding this. I'm doing and I'm like, I think there's a lot of ways that you can win and it doesn't need to be what everybody else is doing. And if you already have a lot of momentum with a brand, why try and double down on something new when you have something that's already working that you could triple down on?

1:00:58>> Yeah. >> Like your brand. Um, and you can partner with somebody that knows how to do that and find a product later or like there's so many things, but like business and life is hard enough trying to like [gasps] maximize like if you if you have something that's working well. It's like there's so much more to be gained from like trying to do that even better than like trying something new immediately. And that's not easy to say like be put your head in the sand. I use tons of AI all the time and I have a whole initiative I'm leading in my company.

1:01:24But it's not like I am changing my entire brand strategy or life because of it. I think that I'm thinking how do you integrate it in? Um whereas I like I see some people right now that are kind of like brand's not going to matter because all you need is know how to code. And I was like not if you're building the same thing as everyone else which by the way Anthropic and OpenAI are going to diminish all of these tiny AI businesses in the next 12 months. They there were so many that came to me us acquisition and they're like please invest in our company. I was like, "No." And they're like, "We're making 70 million in the first two months." And I was like, "You will be irrelevant in 12 months. It's going to be like Google. There's no more search. There's only one." And they will do the same thing. And it is happening.

1:02:07So yeah, I think brand will be more important. >> Yeah. I've got a crazy tickle in my throat. >> Oh, I hate when that happens. [cough] You [clears throat] can call. >> It's so annoying. I got I just got over I got over like a a bug a week ago. I still get that random tickle. >> Yeah. The cough lingers >> the most inopportune times. Um But yeah, the the importance of doubling down on authenticity and brand and knowing clearly where you stand is is [clears throat] remarkably important. I have a a friend of mine who's blowing up and he's a running and health creator and text me yesterday. He said, "KFC just reached out. It's a great deal."

1:02:41And I went, "It sounds like 25 grand to just dilute your brand. Totally. Just ran a marathon. You post nutrient-dense foods." You're like, "But but here's this fried chicken bucket. It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make [ __ ] sense. And I think if I I want people to just trust as creators, too, that you can get some really great deals that don't align, but if you can hold off, eventually the right one's coming. You know, for what good is it if a man gains the whole world, but forfeits his soul? Is a deep is a deep piece of scripture, but it's in the same way. It's if you if you forfeit too early because of this fear you talked about, then you might miss out on the perfect brand that also does pay really well and you'd promote it for free. And that's the easiest metric is would you promote it for free?

1:03:25>> Oh, a thousand%. And that's when I know I'm like, "Oh, that's something I would promote." Which I still am so picky that I have not yet besides my own company, [laughter] but um yeah, 1,000%. It's resisting the short-term payoff, knowing and having faith in yourself that you will be able to have more opportunities in the future. >> Yeah. >> And it's really hard when you're small and you've been trying so hard. you finally have someone reach out and they, you know, show you a check of some money that you've never had someone show you before. But man, like every good decision I have made has been passing off the small money in in trusting myself that I will be able to have something bigger. And it's always worked.

1:04:01>> Mhm. One of the things you mentioned you're passionate about just a moment ago was buying back time, gaining time back. You said in a video, if you make a $100 an hour, doing anything worth less than that is costing you money. And wealthy people understand this. So, can you explain to somebody who's never heard of this what it means to buy back your time? >> Yeah, it's essentially understanding that based on your skills in the marketplace. Um, and you have to understand what those skills are worth, how much value can you create with an hour of your time. That's how me and Alex think about it. So, for for us, it's like fairly simple. We look at how much revenue our business does over 12 months and then we divide that into, okay, what does that mean in terms of how much value we each create in an hour? And so then when I ask myself, is this worth an hour of my time? I'm using that frame. Well, I know an hour of my time is worth x,000.

1:04:54So does taking this call with this person that is probably not going to like no, not worth it. That is a sign that's been really hard for me to train because I think that there's a lot of conditioning to say yes to things and that you're an [ __ ] if you say no to things and that saying no to people and telling them you don't have time is mean and you're a dick and especially when people have more money and success that is probably even more of a thing. Um I look at it like I have only so much time on this earth to do good with for the world. I know how much my time is worth. If it is below that, I am not doing a duty to everybody that I serve, everyone that relies on me for a paycheck if I do things below my dollar amount of what it's worth. And I have become a lot more ruthless with it. And it's probably actually a continuous thing. I had a meeting right before this with my, you know, administrative team and I said like, "Cut, these are the only two days I'm taking this type of meeting.

1:05:51Everything else, no more." And they're like, "What about these things?" And I was like, "I'm no longer at the point where I should be doing those things in the company." And they're like, "Wow, it's great. It's like you always have to be saying my time is worth more now. So where am I going to put myself? Because reality is if you look at it like your time is your most valuable your time is your most valuable resource. Your time is your most valuable resource. And so most people would rather use their time than their money or anything else.

1:06:20I would rather use anything before my time. And I think that it's because I've just realized it is it is finite. And when I'm not using it well, I don't do well for the people around me. I do not serve my company. And I think it helps if you're in service of others because for me, it feels like I do a disservice to my team if I take this phone call or I do this thing or I commit to this event or whatever it might be, right? If I'm not like this is a home run or or whatever it might be. So that's been a mindset shift that I've had to like, you know, grow into. When I was younger, when I was first starting out, it was when I first got into sales and then I saw that I could make a certain amount of money over the week if I sold a certain amount of packages. So then I realized, well, actually, it doesn't make much sense for me to try to sell these other things that I could sell because I could be making more money if I sold these things. And then I realized, you know, weird. If somebody else, the way it was set up at the gym, it's like if somebody else sells a package and I fulfill on it and they just give me the client, I make even less money than I make with these. Those are no longer worth my time. And I I would just start doing math and realizing, and that was like probably the beginning of it is realizing that um when there was a certain dollar amount of my time was worth, it didn't make a lot of sense to do the things below that anymore. And then I would realize, I remember I was like, man, you it takes me like four hours to like clean my apartment each week and do the laundry, do I was like, if I can make, you know, $300 in in one sale in an hour, then if I pay someone $50 to clean my apartment and it takes them two hour, that's I could be making I could just be making sales with that time and I would make so much more money if I did that. And so at first it would feel like, oh, I I can't pay someone to clean for me. Then I was like, "Wait, but if I could go make more money than it costs them to clean my house, it makes ton of sense for me to do that because I'm actually making a profit on my time." So, I started looking at things like that. Now, I will give the caveat with like there are things that I like to do that take time that like I just like to do. I like to cook myself breakfast every day because I don't like stuff that's refrigerated.

1:08:21I like fresh food and I like fresh eggs and all that and I don't have a chef cooking my breakfast. I just do it because I enjoy it too. So, like there's some things that like of course do because you enjoy. If you enjoy doing certain things in your house and for your family, keep doing it. But there's so many things that we do that we don't enjoy, but we use our time to get them done because we feel bad for saying no or feel guilty or feel like, oh, I don't want to spend the money, but it's like, okay, you'd rather spend your life, which is an un, you know, you can never get that resource back, but you would not spend your money. That's crazy.

1:08:51Like, you can make more money. You will not make more of your life. It is just one we're not making more of. >> Correct. And so like that's it's crazy to me. Um I'm really glad that I had that mindset shift and I want that for other people because you can pick and choose. You don't have to do the same things I do. That's all I'm saying. But like when something's not adding value to your life or important to you, if you can find a way to use money and resources to get it done rather than your time and you can do something more valuable like make more money with your time or even spend time with your family. Maybe you're not going to make the money back.

1:09:23Maybe you just spend more time with your family. [ __ ] win. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, when it comes to spending time, I was listening to your [clears throat] episode that you did with with Jay Shetty the other day, >> and you were talking about the time you spend working and how you've called 12 hours a light day. And most people would consider 12-hour days every day >> burnout limit. >> And one of the questions I got the requested the most was how you avoid this proverbial burnout, if you will, when it comes to building and growing and working. I think there's a few things that I also just want to caveat with, which is like I think there's certain people that have a lot of energy and certain people that don't. Ask my husband. I'm always moving. I have a lot of energy. My whole family does. If you meet them, we're all like walking all the time, talking, walking, talking like, and love people, right? We all like being around people. And so, I get energy being around people. I love talking to people, walking with people, meeting people, having podcast, like that's not tiring to me. Um, so that's the first piece. Not everyone's like that. Alex actually, you know, I think he gets a lot of energy from certain things he does, but if he had to like do meetings with the team all day, I think he'd be exhausted. So like knowing what type of work gives you energy, I think is really important and that you enjoy.

1:10:40I think the second piece is like I I and like Chiron, my CEO, will say this. He's like, "Why are you working?" Like he's like, "You don't need to be doing this." And I'm like, "I know, but I like to." Um like I genuinely I think that there there was a point when I was early on it was definitely out of fear like that I would work and do things. Now one when I take when I take a day off I have zero guilt and I don't feel bad at all. I don't feel weird. I don't feel like oh god am I not going to I'm just like yeah I'm not going to work today. It's just like it doesn't it's irrelevant to me. And I'll do that fairly often. I'll be like I don't want to work this Saturday. I'm going to go to the beach or do this or whatever. Um, I don't feel trapped by my work like I have to work 12 hours a day.

1:11:19[snorts] I choose to many times and there's many days especially recently where I have chosen not to um because I have other things going on in my life that take time outside of work. So there's that's the first piece to it. I think you need to understand yourself inherently and ask yourself like I have a lot of energy. I am the type of person that like and I'm very healthy too. It's like people always assume and I'm like I didn't get my blood done all the time. I had it done two days ago. They're like you're really healthy. like I I haven't like burned my body out. Um so that's the first piece. The second piece to it is I think understanding the type of energy that you're expending and when you do certain types of work how you feel. So like what I have learned over this time is what type of work is going to there's two things that make me happy and give me energy for my work is one knowing it's like problems only I can solve and two when I'm with people. I don't like doing alone work. Alex loves writing books. Like me writing my book was awful.

1:12:15>> He talks about how he loves just like going monk mode in a club. >> Loves it. I [ __ ] hate that. I'm just like, "Oh my god, babe. I'm dying writing this book." He's like, "Oh my god, I love writing." I was like, "No, like >> I'll go to a coffee shop just to be around human beings." >> Yeah. >> Hate working alone. >> A thousand%. I It's funny. I was talking to my therapist. She's like, "You're still in the office every day." And I was like, "Yeah, why?" And she's like, "But there's a lot of times you don't need to be there." I was like, "I know, but I love being here. Like, I love the energy. I love being around people. I love investing in people." And so over the years I've learned that often times the things that are worth more of your time are also the things that you are really good at because I think we get really good at things that we like unfortunately or fortunately. Um and so for me it's like I have learned that sweet spot and so I enjoy a lot of the things that I do and I put discretionary effort towards it every day. I'm thinking oh what more could I do? How could I do this? Oh you know what this person did this thing like what could I do to make their day? Like I I just love thinking about that. I love building culture. I love investing in leaders. I love leading the team. I love being an example. I love doing all those things.

1:13:14Um, so it's selfish to a degree. I think that for a lot of people, there are situations in which I do believe that people feel to whatever degree you want to say burnt out. Like if you're in a situation where like you must work, you don't have the skills to get a job that has a lot of leverage. And if you don't make the money, there's a lot at risk. Like single mom, four kids, I have to work 12 hours. Like you're physically exhausted. That makes a lot of sense that you would feel burnt out. I don't want to like discount that. But we have a lot of people that probably follow you and me that more have a choice to do what they're doing right now and have chosen to build a business or chosen to be an influencer or creator or whatever it is, then I almost feel like I have no right to like like I got to figure this out.

1:13:59And like if it's my business like I if I'm burning out then I could >> it's your problem. Yeah. You're the problem, >> right? So, um, whenever I've gotten to that point where I felt like, oh, I feeling tired, I noticed it's because I'm taking on things that other people want me to do rather than the things that I know I need to do and want to do in the business. And so, I've just gotten a lot better at just saying no and being really unapologetic about it now. And so for those who have the choice to work in that way, often times when they're burnt out, I see it's often because of not feeling like you have autonomy over your own destiny.

1:14:37>> So yeah, I think I needed to hear that myself as well. That's incredible advice. Thank you. The the one the actually the most asked question I got when I told the people that follow me that we were sitting down, this was literally reported over 50 times. I counted was advice that you have for singledriven people when it comes to finding and building a relationship. I mean dozens of people were were asking me, I'm single right now. I'm really driven. I'm really ambitious. What advice does Leila have for selecting the right partner?

1:15:15And then once you find that relationship, building it and fostering it in a healthful manner. Um, I don't, you know, consider myself an expert in this area, but I like sharing it. [laughter] >> It's so [ __ ] See, it's like a terrible habit. Um, I don't want to be known for being a relationship expert. So, I'll [ __ ] tell you that. >> There we go.

1:15:40>> Um, which like Alex and I will say that over and over again because even when like the team posts a lot of like us together, we're like, "Guys, stop it." Like, we don't want to be known for that. Um, mostly because I that feels like a lot of responsibility. >> Yeah. It's like when people say like they're the pinnacle of the driven couple, I'm like they didn't ask for you to put that on them. But I think I think one thing as a parent is that you love each other and you built something beautiful. And I think a lot of people want that. They want they feel the loneliness of being driven. And I'm I'm single right now

1:16:06>> and I'm 28. So I'm I'm in that that part of life when I'm done traveling where um you know relationships are something I'm open to. And they I've had ones that haven't worked in the past. And there was definitely there were mismatches there in terms of drive, ambition, and other things of course. But when it comes to the picker, they say my mom would say like, "Oh, she's got a bad picker." Talking about a friend of hers or something. What does that what does that look like?

1:16:31>> You know, it's interesting because um I can, you know, obviously I had relationships before Alex. Can't say I got it right a million times. I can say I got it right once. Um, and what I will say is like in like how I approached dating prior to meeting Alex was like one, I didn't have like high stakes or expectations. So, I wasn't like trying to like immediately get married. Um, I like actually didn't picture myself getting married until I was like 30 and I was 22. Um,

1:17:00>> I met Alex, you were 22. >> Yeah. Um, and so I like didn't have any sort of pressure and I did that on purpose also because I was like I don't want to like have pressure on a relationship. I just like want to have find time with somebody that I enjoy. So that was the first thing is like in my approach I would say. The second thing is um I was not afraid to go on really bad dates and I went on and everyone's always like says well you sound like a I didn't [ __ ] sleep with anybody. Okay? So I just want to clear that up right now. [laughter] Uh I was [ __ ] celibate. So I did not sleep with a single person that during that time um because I had a very bad incident. I was dating someone for months and then before we were going to sleep together they told me that they had a you know STD. So scared me enough to be like if they person literally almost didn't tell me then like a stranger is certainly not going to. So I was terrified of sleeping with somebody at that point. Um just want to clear that up. Uh but I went on Yeah, disclaimer. Um so I went on a date, you know, every weekend. I would go on Tinder, Bumble, whatever. Tinder was a little gross back then, so like it was more Bumble. Um and I just told myself, I remember I was talking to my sales manager. He was like, "Dude, you got to treat it like sales. Like you just got to get the volume in." It was probably the best piece of advice I could have gotten because I was like, "Well, god, dude. If I go on these beds, like best case scenario, you get better sales." And I was like, "Why?" He's like, "Because you learn how to be uncomfortable in the conversation." I was like, "That's a really good point."

1:18:15And so, I was like so into self-development that like that frame was kind of one I went into it with. So, I think when I met Alex, I'd been dating consistently for about 13 or 14 months at that point. Um, and when I was looking for people, I was looking for people who I had shared values, shared interest with. Um, but there was a lot of people that I would meet and, you know, shared value, shared interests, but maybe their perception of what they wanted in a woman was different than who I was. Or maybe what I wanted in a relationship was different. And I I really wanted a partnership, not just a husband or a boyfriend. Um, I wanted somebody I felt like I could like do things together with in life. And that was like a very much a vision I had. So, I went on a lot of dates. I didn't let it get me down that I was like, you know, it had been a year and I hadn't find anybody that I think I the most I went on was like I dated one guy for like six weeks. Um, and you know, it was just clear that he didn't want like a a girlfriend that like worked a lot. And I was like, well, I totally get that, but that's not me.

1:19:11>> Um, [sighs] he didn't even want me to be opinionated. So, I was like the wrong I don't know where that came off. Uh, >> not going to work. >> Yeah, this is not going to work. Uh, and so then when I met Alex, I would say like, you know, I'm going into everything with low expectations, low pressure, and just wanting to find somebody that I would have shared interest, shared values with. And when I first met him, it [snorts] was just really clear within the first few minutes, like one, he's super flawed, of course, like he was hungry when he came to the date and was like not in the best mood and then was like totally good 5 minutes after eating. And I was like, this guy's you should eat a [ __ ] snack, right? Um, but I'm also flawed.

1:19:46Um, and I liked that he kind of didn't hide it or care, which was nice for me cuz I was like, I think that's good for me because I wanted to be perfect. Um, and then we started talking. We just had so many of the same interests, you know? I think we we had so much to talk about. We were both I didn't even know this. He was like, "How did you not know?" I was like, "Cuz I'm ignorant." My last name was Nagshi. That's my maiden name. Very Persian. His last name Horosi Persian. I didn't know Hormosi was Persian. I thought he was like Italian or something. He was like, "Are you [ __ ] kidding me?" I know it's that ignorant.

1:20:13But >> yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, we're both Persian. Um, so both of our families, our fathers are from Iran and they both immigrated here about the same time. And so, we both had that background, which is actually like a lot of shared context that I didn't even know was going to be beneficial cuz I'd never dated a Persian guy before. Um, second thing was we both were really into fitness. Third thing, we were both super focused on our careers and ambitions. Um, I would say outside of that, like both like really took care of ourselves, trying to develop, but also like would have fun. like we'd both go out and like have fun with friends, go out, drink a little, whatever at that point in time. And because of that, I just liked hanging out with him. And I didn't think much of it. I was just like, "Oh, I like hanging out with him.

1:20:52He likes hanging out with me. Like, we're going to keep hanging out." Um, and I wasn't afraid to get like my heart broken. I think that I just realized I was like, "I'm just never going to I made a promise to myself after my first breakup. I was like, I'm never going to not love somebody because I'm afraid of breaking up because I can handle it. It's It sucks, but you get over it, you know?" Um, and so going into the relationship with him, I was I remember he said he was like, "Can I just got out of a engagement? I'm not really sure if I'm ready for something like super serious." I was like, "I mean, I don't care. I really like hanging out with you." So, like, if we can just like hang out and talk about work and work out and all that, like, works for me. Um, and then lo and behold, 11 months into our relationship, he was like, "I think we should get married." And I was like, "That came out of nowhere."

1:21:32>> [laughter] >> Um, and then we like had a conversation and I was like, I mean, it does make a lot of sense and we also now have a business together. Um, and I just I I didn't like have a lot of worry. I was just like, I don't know if we get divorced, worst case, we'll get divorced. Like I was like, I'm not putting this like huge stakes. And at the same time, we [snorts] were both very flawed. I think a lot of people look at and they're like, well, Alex, you know, I'm like, okay, well, he was drinking all the time. He got a DUI. He had to go do like community service. He had like seven businesses and like couldn't keep his head on straight. Like could like could barely pay attention to me half the time when we're talking.

1:22:10Like not the best listener. Like very different than what people see now. And I super anxious, could be really cold, could be very put off. Like one thing that I like deeply believed was that you do not develop in isolation. In fact, a lot of people think about self-development. They think that they're going to do it alone. And you do do a lot of it alone. But you do do a lot of it with people. And if you're both okay with the fact that you're not where you want to be, it is so powerful to have somebody with you who can help you get there faster because a partner is a mirror to everything and and they show it way faster than you're going to find it yourself in the woods like I did. Um like I found out so much more about myself being with somebody who was honest and you know um communicative than I did by myself during that period of time in the woods. And that was like very valuable to me. So I say all this because I think what I what I notice in a lot of people who talk to me about dating and I have a lot of friends who are single and and talk to me about these things is there is a lack of trying. Let's just be [ __ ] honest.

1:23:13There's a lack of trying. I have asked guys on dates. I don't give a [ __ ] if I want to ask a guy on ask date. If he hates that then I'm like that's fine. I thought it'd be cool to go on a date. >> Giving very important advice right now. Um, you know, and if you know, maybe he doesn't look perfect. I'm still going to go on a date cuz I don't know. I don't I'm not going to say I'm not going to go see the house because there's a few rooms that don't look good in it. Like until I see it in person, I don't really know until you go on the date and meet the person. You don't really [ __ ] know. And I think now a lot of emphasis is put on looks rather than, you know, on the inside. And I also say like me and Alex didn't look how we looked when we met, which is [snorts] like I have had plastic surgery and he wasn't in the best shape. So, like we didn't look how we look now. Um, and it wasn't something that was like, oh, I'm not going to go on a date with that person because they're not the exact perfect, you know, vision of what I want and a partner or whatever. Um, and I think it's like being okay with the fact like you are imperfect, they are also going to be imperfect. Um, and what I see right now is like a lot of like seeking perfection, seeking like a very rigid model of what a relationship should look like. I'm very flexible with and I I probably have actually more traditional views on the relationship side than people would think, but like I'm very flexible with like let's just see what works and try different things. And I I don't expect somebody to be like fully baked just because they're in a relationship. And I don't think that they need to wait to be fully fixed or healed or anything to be in a relationship. I was certainly none of those things. And it still worked out really well because I found somebody who was there for the ride no matter what.

1:24:43And I was there for him. And we have seen the worst of each other and the darkest moments that both of us have probably ever had in our lives. And our relationship is so much stronger because of that because we I think I think you can tell a lot more about the strength of a relationship by how you're there for each other in the hardest moments than than how you're there in the good moments. Cuz everyone can be there to cheer you on, but like to be there when it's really tough is it's a different skill. Um and we're really good at doing that for each other. So right now I think there's this illusion of perfection. And there's an illusion that you need to find somebody who's like fully baked. By the way, they'll never be, even if there's an illusion.

1:25:17Um, I think that there's really high standards. I really think that like some people are much too vain about what they want in a person. I'm like, who cares if they look like a [ __ ] Barbie or Greek god if they're, you know, a [ __ ] [ __ ] Um, so there's just like very picky. I was not that picky. I was not that picky with certain things. What I was picky with was values and alignment on the future and vision

1:25:45>> there. >> And because of that, I opened myself up and experienced all sorts of people and dating and whatever. But then I ended up finding the person that I did have all those things with. And I think if I had been really picky, I would have just said no to way too many dates and probably his. >> Yeah. >> And I just I think that's it. It's like now what I see is I just feel like everyone's picky and doesn't want to take risks and dating is scary [sighs and gasps] and you know there's all I get every excuse in the world. It's like well Leila the apps aren't shut the [ __ ] up. I don't give a [ __ ] Like there's more apps now and there's other apps and there's Instagram and there's there's so many other ways digitally and I'm like well why don't you meet someone person? Well oh my god all the guys at the gym are and I'm like I don't give a [ __ ] Like come on. Like there's not. The fact that we think that there's nobody out there is crazy. I also think that if you like put me on an island with like some dude, we'd like be in love in a year. Like I really believe that people also like condition themselves to love people. And I I I think we make it way more complicated in our minds than it actually is. Um that was a lot, but it's because I don't have like a concise framework for that one. I think what I pull from that is for people who are looking for that that connection, that partnership when they're driven and ambitious, it's being detached from the idea of a high standard when you go into anything new is silly to do that. Be have low expectations can have a negative connotation, but it's true. Just be detached from some superior outcome. A big one I noticed you say was not being afraid to get your heart broken. I think there's there's two operating systems in the world. There's operating and making decisions based out of fear-based programming and love. There's fear and there's love and a lot of people are walking around afraid to get hurt and so they don't show themselves.

1:27:24>> Yeah. >> And then repetition that really is like most things at the end of the day worth having is is getting the reps up. That's good advice your your manager gave you. >> Yeah. I mean honestly learning how to tell somebody at the end of the day that you're not into them or even in the beginning because you don't want to waste their time. >> Powerful skill really. Oh God I remember how hard it was at times. um you know, learning how to communicate what you want and what you don't want. Like all of those things were things that I gained through the process of dating people. Um I also think like I don't know. I see stuff now where people are like scared to go on dates like men are dangerous and I'm like what? Like crazy [ __ ] is dangerous too, you know? Like we got there's a lot of dangerous crazy people in this world and they got they're of all sexes without a doubt.

1:28:10>> Like that is always a risk, but >> we're all going to die. And I Yeah, I try not to live my life in fear. Carry pepper spray, but you know that hope you never have to use it. >> Yeah, exactly. As we as we close this out, I I started doing this the show, the content 3 years ago and I couldn't think of what to put in the bio for everything when I was building the pages out and I put one thing and it's still the same mission today. It's sharing easily implementable ways to improve your life. And so if if you were starting over tomorrow, what are one or two things that you would implement into your life that day that would ultimately put you back on the track and trajectory to get you to where you are now?

1:28:57>> Tactical or philosophical? >> Let's go. One tactical, one philosophical. >> Um, philosophical, leave everyone and everything better than he found it. If you do that in life, if you get other people, if you make other people better and other things better, it's really easy for it to come back around to you. Um, so I just think about others and then somehow I feel taken care of.

1:29:21The second one I would say is I would try to get as many nos as possible and get rejected as quickly as possible because I just think that like there's this it sounds terrifying but like if you can just be rejected over and over again and you can learn that skill of sales and I I don't like there's no other is like the there are so many skills bundled within the word of sales that you have to learn in order to be good at sales that make you it's so transferable. to leadership to building a business to all these other things you want in your life. There are so many things and I that is like the one skill that I would say I would immediately learn and I would say I need to go now knock on [ __ ] doors, get a job at wherever I can that will take me for a salesperson, be a [ __ ] SDR if I need to. I don't give a [ __ ] Um, and I would be like I'm going to go learn that immediately. I also am not the person who's going to tell you that you need to like immediately start a business that day. I found so much value in having jobs before I started a business and learning while I was making money. I still don't get why people don't think that's cool.

1:30:22I'm like it is cool. Like you're making money and learning like and I sometimes I'm like man if I could have like become a high up at like some big company like SpaceX or something. It's like how much would I have learned to start my company now? Probably wouldn't way bigger than it is right now. So like there's a lot of value to that and I think that's what I would do. I would be like okay if I'm starting over I'm going to get a job in sales immediately. I'm just gonna figure out how to get as many nos as possible and build that skill. >> Wow. Well, time is our most valuable asset and I appreciate you spending some of yours with me today. Thanks. This was a blast. I learned a lot. I really appreciate your time.

1:30:54>> Thank you for preparing. It was great question. I appreciate it.