Wie man ein besserer Kommunikator wird

0:00You are one of the best communicators I've ever come across in real life or on YouTube or podcasts etc. >> How have you become such a good communicator? Break that down for us. >> Um I I'd love that the response starts with um uh [laughter] >> filler filler filler. >> Right. Yeah. Um It comes down to every everything that we've talked about which is you have to define the terms.

0:36That's like that's really it. Like if we think about communic like what is communication right? Um so what is so what is the objective of communication? So I would ask that and >> to communicate information. >> What do you think? What do you think? So what is the output of communication if I were to ask you? >> It's interesting because when you say that my head goes to two different things. One is sounding really smart. >> Sure. Yeah. >> And very charismatic and the other one is transferring knowledge. >> Okay. So, so for me the purpose of communication is solely to change behavior.

1:04>> That's it. It's the only reason only reason that we communicate anything to somebody else is to change their behavior. Now, if we want to sound smart, it's because we want to change their behavior around how they treat us in some way. We want them to treat us like they treat people who they think are smart, right? Uh which elevated status. >> Sure. >> Uh on the flip side, um what was the other one you had? So, one was the being smart, the other one was the smart, the other transforming of essentially. >> Yeah. And so if I if I want to transfer information, I don't actually want to transfer information. I want to get someone to do something.

1:32>> Right? So either of these situations is the purpose of communication is to change what they do. And so if if we if we if we say that is the the point of communication, then being very clear about what I want someone to change makes it way more effective. And so you waste so few words when you're clear, which is what I want you to do. And so on the flip side, I listen with that filter, which is um I had a I had a meeting with a VC um so they're on the board of one of the companies that we're invested in. Um and they wanted to touch base and I was like, "Okay." And I asked five times during the meeting. I said, "What would you like me to do as a result of this meeting?" And they're like, "Well, we just wanted to, you know, just get your perspective." And I was like, "What is going to change about reality as a result of us talking?" And there wasn't really a clear answer. And that for me just drives me absolutely bananas. And so then I have to infer what I think the because obviously there is a point for the meeting.

2:31>> Mhm. >> And so there, you know, be like there is a point. There's either they're going to tell me or I have to figure it out. Um but that's that's allowed me to um make such stronger predictions on on what someone wants from me and also if I want something to occur. um asking like even simply like if you have a if you have an employee who's who messes something up, right?

2:57>> The natural instinct is you want to punish them in some way because you're just upset that they mess something up, right? This is a very human thing to do. >> But if I think to myself, what would I like to have happen? What do I want to occur? >> It actually fundamentally changes what I'm going to say to this person. I'll give you a perfect example of this. So um gosh I want to say six seven years ago I had I launched a company called done for you meals. So we had our distribution of gyms and I thought man we could do done meals. I partnered with the white labeling you know company that did it and then we launched it right. So this was a huge launch for me at the time and we had 4,000 gyms who had signed up to you know attend the launch.

3:33So 4,000 locations saying that they wanted to distribute meals is a lot of locations like that would have been really big. And so the day before the launch uh was supposed to happen, my call it my secretary sent out the text at noon saying we're live 24 hours early. And so now all 4,000 of these people are like, I thought it was tomorrow, but people were like, well, they said they're live.

3:58And so they start hopping on this Zoom after like probably a million dollars in advertising and months and months of prep for this launch. And so, um, she's like, "What do I do?" And I was like, "You need to hop on the Zoom and you need to have a sign that says, you know, we messed up." And so, people hopped on and we're like, "God damn it, hopped on." Like, just over and over again. And she just stood there with the sign telling people, "My bad, it was there tomorrow." And so after that, you know, onslaught, she um, you know, I I met up with her and she said, "Um, don't worry. I'm packing my stuff.

4:29Like, you know, I'm I'm I'm sorry. I I'll I'll get I'll get out." And I was like, "What are you talking about?" And she was like, "Well, I'm assuming you're firing me." I was like, "Well, does this increase or decrease the likelihood that you're going to make a mistake again in the future?" And she was like, "Well, I mean, I'll never make this mistake again." I was like, "Right, so you're technically more valuable to me now than you were before." And so I was like, "I just paid a million dollars for you to learn this lesson and never make the mistake again." I was like, "I will always trust you with my launches cuz you will never have this happen again." [laughter] Now if somebody has a history of many many many mistakes which this person didn't then might have been maybe different but this one I was like I was sure I mean she was hor she was the type of person that would that she would like die of anxiety in front she actually doesn't even get into it but like she had huge anxiety issues around this stuff and so for her to make this kind of mistake was like gargantuan um and so thinking about it from that perspective of course I was upset but what is it me yelling at her increases the likelihood that she makes a mistake again in the future because she's stressed So thinking always through that filter has has

5:30>> double click on that. Why would that in So let's say there's a launch 3 months later. Why is she let's say you yelled at her the first time. Why does that increase chance? >> Well, I think that she'll just she'll just have increased anxiety and she already had too much anxiety. So if anything, >> anxiety leads to errors. >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. >> Why is that? >> Um that I don't know. I would just say that I've observed people who are very stressed out in like if you go on stage and you're very stressed, you do worse than if you're relaxed, I would say in general. And so people don't do as well when they have super high adrenaline.

5:56That would be my my pseudoscientific guess. Um, but that has been my filter and that has has led to like such higher percentage goal achievement and behavior change in the direction that I want. And so this also works with relationships. Like if you have your wife and it's like you're upset about something, but it's like does this increase or decrease the likelihood she wants to talk to me? Does this increase or decrease the likelihood that she does this thing again in the future? And that has I'm telling you like that has been so you asked the question of like why are you such a clear communicator or quote good communicator. It's like number one I define communication as change behavior and number two I'm very clear about what behavior I want to change and I only think in service of that goal

6:35>> and that's it. So set another way, >> yeah, >> what you say in a YouTube video gets people to change and that ties it back to they're conscious of this that ties it back to your content versus I might listen to somebody else >> and it sounds really smart but it's not actionable and doesn't change my life as much as a herozi clip. And that's what you would attribute to your communication, not some kind of

7:00>> stylistic ways of talking or some rhetorical device. Maybe there are some um I would say they're not super conscious. I would say some rhetorical devices might be like aliteration. I know like if I can say something that aliterates it like people tend to like it. >> Give me an example. >> Um shoot I don't know we just look at my Twitter you know like but like if I say you know if say if you if you repeat words in a sentence or if you have you know flips of like um [sighs] it's more sentence structure.

7:32It's not the X to the Y, it's the Y to the X, right? That's almost always going to be something that's going to convert no matter what the the X's and Y's are if if the sentence still makes sense in both. So, you like kind of look for those like isms that that make sense. >> Um words that are similar in nature. Um you know, exploration and exploitation have all talked about that like he used those words because they sound similar and they start start with the same letter, right? And so because if if it rhymes, it means it's true.

8:00>> Uh I'm joking. But like we do remember that, right? Like um and so >> where this gets really nasty in a cool way. Um is that if you want to change someone's behavior, the most effective way to change their behavior is for them to think it's their idea. >> For them to think it's their idea, it means they have to remember it. And so by making things that are rememberable, people will forget that you were the one who said it, but then they will think that they said it or they thought it and then they will believe it's true and then they will act on it. And so having rhetorical style increases likely that you change someone's behavior basically visav that that pathway. Um so that's on the stylistic part, but I still think the vast majority of it um to what you originally brought up is if I can give people clear instructions on what to do and then they do those things and they get the outcome, it will increase the likelihood that they listen to my instructions again in the future.

8:53>> And then somehow their brains are are linking it. So the dopamines are getting released ahead of the time that you're even talking because the last three times that they've listened to you. >> History of reinforcement. >> Yeah, it's history of reinforcement. So it's not really what you're saying. It's the history of providing value added advice to people >> that basically makes people just in encapsulated what you're saying. >> And I'll give you I'll give you an example. So of I had this happen to me.

9:21So I'm not a huge uh I I don't I don't consume very much. We talked about this earlier, but I I saw this clip by Huberman >> and I don't listen to much biohacking stuff in general. Um, but he said this thing that was like, "How to get rid of hiccups if you have hiccups." And I watched it and I was like, "Huh, I'll remember that." And then I had hiccups like a month later. And then I remembered the clip and then I did the thing in the clip and my hiccups went away. And in that instance, in that moment, he gained influence over me. I am more likely to listen to something else he says in the future to solve a future problem that he prescribes a solution for.

9:59And that happens whether you want it to or not. That's >> what's even more nasty about that for you to even remember that clip. You already had some level of subservience or status to him speaking >> enough to try it. >> We we have a there was a study Queens University. We have 6,200 thoughts per day. used to be there's there's this old tale that's like 60 to 80,000 but 6200 per day. So we and we forget almost all of them.

10:24>> So you don't even remember all the thoughts that you forgot. So the fact that you even remembered to try it itself there was status and then and then you were reinforced. >> Yeah. And so so fun fun functionally that is all I'm trying to do within a very narrow audience of business owners which is if I can give and this is where it separates from I read this book I thought it was good and I read Heros's book and it made me this much money >> that is what I am going for and if I do that like there's I think it was Boardwalk Empire um he says uh nothing says sorry like money um or nothing makes friends like money I can't remember what the saying was but I just I remember hearing that and being like that's cute I will remember that. And so it's like, well, what do most business owners want? Well, most of them want to grow. Most of them want to make more money. Well, why don't I just give them instructions that I think will increase the likelihood that occurs. Now, when I do that over a massive population, there's going to be a good percentage of people that will be better off from directly following that thing. Like, I think Martha Stewart was one of the most influent or was the first female billionaire self-made because of the nature of her content. So the reason that uh entertainers have significantly less influence than educators is because entertainers never give you anything to do. They just distract you. The point like what is

11:36>> they never let you disappoint yourself, >> right? What is the output of entertainment? The output of entertainment or what's the point of it is to continue to be watched. That's it. The only point of entertainment is to be consumed. Now the point of education is to change behavior. Now can these two things occur at the same time? For sure, right? Like if you watch the Avatar movie, plenty of people at the end of the movie felt more green earth and might have you know changed their changed their behavior. So in that instance it would have you know it changed some some some percentage of the population.

12:05>> But if you are a pure educator then you gain more influence because you have given people instructions. They have followed those instructions and they have improved their lives. And so when they want to improve their lives again and you give them instructions on how to do it which might be buying your thing they're more likely to do so. And so that is why these you have these massive Tik Tok accounts, you know what I mean, that have 20 million subscribers and they launch a popcorn and no one cares.

12:31Whereas you have this micro influencer. I have this this this lady that I met 5,800 followers on Instagram. She only makes content about how to more effectively bill insurance as an RD, registered dietitian. That's all she does. She just talks about how to better bill insurance for registered dietitians >> for 5,800 people. >> Yes. 5,800 people. And she's doing three I think it was three mill it was one or $3 million a year. I can't remember but it was between one and three million dollars a year in that business with 5,800 followers exclusively sourced from her from her Instagram. And so you say that to like an entertainer plenty of entertainers have uh a million, two million, five million followers and barely make a million dollars a year.

13:14She has 5,800 and she's making over a million. And so to me that the difference there, the differential is just influence. Now does it make sense for the you know the the Logan Pauls and the Mr. Beast to have you know these brands uh that then you know they confer some some status to whatever you know uh company is. I think the the greater value is that they get exp they increase exposure to the product and the more quote onbrand it is the more similar it is to things that they have reinforced their audience for it then the more likely it it works. Um but this is something that I think a I mean obviously I think a lot about it like why do some entertainers products bomb and other ones succeed?

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