"Would I Be as Successful if I Were Single?"

0:00This is a photo of your lovely wife. Do you think about the variance of your outcome if you'd chosen someone else? >> I do think about that. I do think about that. It's probably the single best financial decision that I ever made was marrying Layla. Because and this is this is no shade to any any any relationship that exists of mine or anyone's, you know, people optimize for different things. And then I'm not saying I optimize for finances. I'm saying but within that lens she was just down. And she believed in me a lot of times more than I believed in myself. And I think I think that's all anyone really wants or at least it for me that I that I wanted was and the thing is is that hasn't stopped. As the stakes have gotten higher I remember there was this business that I was that I was working with I was getting to know me with the whole team.

0:55And I was like this is like a really tough problem that they're asking me to help with. And I was like I'm And she just like cut me off and she's like good thing you're the best at it. And that you're going to give them more help than anyone else could. And it's just like whether that's true or not it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. And so I I also say this to people who are starting out is just like I I do not have perfect um self-security. You know what I mean?

1:21Like I wouldn't say it's impostor syndrome because that's not true. But like I have doubts of like I don't know if I'm going to solve this. I mean I hope I am and I keep working on it but like >> I don't know. >> Mhm. >> And as the the problems become more complex and have higher stakes it's like this is harder and will cost more if I fail. Um the pressure feels the same. I'd say the only difference is that we have more resources to to to to handle them. >> Mhm.

1:45>> And so in a lot of ways when you're starting out it's kind of like fighting a bear with your bare hands. But when you're further down it's like trying to slay a dragon but at least you have an army. And so, the foe is bigger, but your resources are bigger, too. And in some ways, it's almost easier later than it is when you start, but you only earn the right to face those foes by going through the earlier stages when you didn't have the resources because you learn the grit, you learn the scrappiness. And I think that like it's a it's a right of passage. And Leila was willing to go all in. And I would say that like if anything, kind of like a jockey uh for VCs, like you bet on the horse, not the jockey or sorry, the jockey, not the horse. When she saw me, I had, you know, a handful of gyms. And it wasn't like I'm Alex Hormozi, the you know, whatever I am now. I was just a gym owner, and I was 26, and I worked really hard, and she was like I don't know where we're going to go, but I know [snorts] Alex is going to work tirelessly to get there, and she just always believed. And I think that if like I think the person that you're married is either going to increase the likelihood that you hit your goals or decrease.

2:55And you just need to decide whether that's important to you. >> If you were single, >> Yeah. >> do you think you would be as successful as you are now? >> I wouldn't be as successful. Because number one, there've been plenty of moments cuz I don't struggle with anxiety, I struggle with apathy. Um not caring. Why do I even bother doing this? We already have enough money. Who cares? Leila in a lot of ways has bigger dreams than I do.

3:22Um I've always had big goals for finances, but at a certain point, um and I think I hit this kind of like last year for me, which is weird because I always like people always like, "When is enough enough?" And it's kind of like working out. Um I got to a point where I was like almost 250 and lean, and I was like, "This is more than enough. I I'm going to come back down." And so, I've had bigger goals than most people for my fitness or muscles or whatever. Um I've had bigger goals than most people for money, but I also was like at that point when I hit it, I was like, "I think this is enough for me.

3:53And Leila was like, it was never about the money for me. It never was. And I think that's why our dynamic worked really well. But she's always cared about the team um more than anything. And she's like, I her dream when she and I met was to build a place that people love to come to work. And if you do that and it also has a good business model behind it and marketing and sales and pricing all this other stuff, it's like you end up making a lot of money.

4:17But I would have probably taken my foot off the gas earlier if it hadn't been for Leila. I think I would have struggled more operationally uh because Leila is Leila will never get the credit that she deserves. Um but Leila is Leila is the is the pure is a pure operator. Like unbelievable leader that talent that I probably wouldn't have been able to either get or keep stay because of her. Like I think that if there was like a a a a divorce in the business I think the vast majority of people would go with her.

4:46>> [laughter] >> I'm serious. Like I I know I self-awareness. >> Yeah. >> People know what I'm good at. >> Mhm. >> And I know people are loyal to Leila. Because she is just there for people. Um and so for those reasons, I don't think I would have I I don't think I would have kept my foot on the gas. Um I don't think I would have been able to operate nearly as complex of a business as we currently have. And on the inevitable like troughs of my motivation, she was the one who kind of carried me.

5:15>> A lot of people be listening now and they might be listening with their partner. Maybe they're listening alone and they're thinking, you know, my partner isn't all that supportive of me. And dare I say, some people be listening now and think their partner is actually against their ambition. What do you say to those people? >> Figure out what you want. Like we have to make trades. >> How do you Do you know what? It's it's tricky because some of those people might say, right, [ __ ] it, I'm going to dump her or him.

5:45Mhm. And then they pursue the business for 2 3 years, they become successful, and they're lonely as hell. And they look back and go, "You know what? That was actually my insecurity and my shame that drove me to do this, but I've I've now I've got the mansion and I'm here alone. I should have She was a good girl. He was a good guy." >> I speak only from the perspective of how do you align the conditions to maximize the the business outcome. That's where I come from in terms of how I'm speaking about this.

6:14In terms of maximizing subjective well-being and your happiness, um those factors are completely different. And so, I think Arthur Brooks has this just this amazing visual example that I love, which is imagine two scenarios. One of them is that you drive your brand new Ferrari to a three-star Michelin restaurant, um and you have the corner corner booth eating the best food in the world looking out of you alone, or piling into your beat-up, you know, Camry, uh going to a Denny's with your five best friends.

6:46Which one is the one you think you're going to enjoy more? It's obvious. It's obvious it's the second one. But we live our life like the first. And so, I think if again, it comes down to what you want. If you're like, this girl, guy, whatever, like satisfies so many things, like, you will not find the perfect person cuz you're not perfect. And so, it's just what on the stats of this person am I willing to make trades on? Am I willing to have somebody who's maybe not the most supportive of my career, but maybe they're supportive of my subjective well-being. Maybe they're supportive of my of my extracurriculars.

7:21Maybe they're supportive of my spiritual journey, whatever. They might just be supportive in different ways. And so, again, it's what do you want? And I think people I had a my my first boss, um or last boss, rather, said this thing to me and it's really stuck with me. She said, uh figuring out what you want is 99% of the work. She said, "The easy part is getting it." And I thought about that a lot because I was like, "No, the hard part is getting it." And it is it's like, "No, it's like it's how many layers deep did you figure out what you really want?" And I think that's cuz when you when you really know what you want, then it's then you just align the world to go get it.

7:57>> It's very hard to know what you want. >> Yeah. >> Because there's all these near-time temptations. There's this external noise. There's Instagram telling you that you want this. >> Yeah. >> No, you need this. >> Yeah. >> So, [snorts] being able to drown out all of that noise and get to some kind of signal. And also to your point about sacrificing everything you could have had. You [snorts] know, two, three, four, five. We want the upsides of our paths without the cost of each.