"There Are No Quality Girls Where I Live"

0:00I suspect much of your success was followed by how aligned you and Layla are. >> So >> Were you always so aligned? How did you manage to keep that alignment when things were not so clearly successful? >> How did we do it? >> How did you do it? >> How did I do it? Dragged her kicking and screaming. How did I do it? >> [laughter]

0:25>> I don't know. I'm pretty easy. >> No, you're fine. Um >> Fine? >> Yeah, I mean you weren't you weren't you didn't Yeah. Fine. Mid. >> [laughter] >> Um Okay, how did how do we keep alignment? I mean actually I don't think we really got out of alignment. I mean we knew what the goals were and I think we were both just very dedicated to the process of just continuing to work at it. I think we both had a lot of faith that we'd eventually figure it out. Um

0:52>> It's also >> We didn't blame. I'll say it's a big one. You've never blamed me for a mistake. >> No, we don't blame each other. I also think we were very clear about our goals up front and basically like in our business and marriage like giving up is not an option. Like I both think both of us have said that many times and that was just like the building blocks of our relationship and partnership. >> I also think both of us take 51% accountability and so what I mean by that is like neither of us has to like correct or chastise the other person because the other person is already beating themselves up about the mistake. That's not everyone, but I'm saying for us that was that was probably more common and so um a lot of like the more difficult times it was me beating myself up and Layla being like it's fine, we're figuring it out or or the or the converse, right? Like she was beating herself up and I'm like no, you crushed that. It was fine. Like we'll get it.

1:40>> Give each other benefit of the doubt. >> Yeah, so it's like round up, you know, give each other grace more than like you don't need to blame them and like I think the worst thing you can ever do is I told you so. Right? It's like the person [ __ ] knows. Like they knew and like if you did tell them, they know. Um and they probably feel terrible about it and so I would warn against any I told you so type behavior. Um but like if you are if you are the part if you're partners, which you are, independent even if you're not business partners, if you're life partners, and one of you is in business, um like you want to like support I define as increasing the likelihood of success or set conversely decreasing the likelihood of failure. And so, are you actively decreasing likelihood of failure? And if we define failure as quitting, then like your job is to keep the other person going.

2:24>> Yeah. >> By any means possible. Any means necessary. Encouragement. >> good job of that. >> Yeah. >> Like when one of us is down, the other one will lift them up even if that has to be for a sustained period of time. >> And I'm sure there were many times where I like didn't deserve to be lifted up or encouraged uh and Layla did it anyway because she probably asked herself, "Well, what if How much does this help if I just make him feel worse?

2:50Like does it increase the likelihood that we actually get what we want? Like I will be right today, but we will lose." >> I just don't see I'm not very empathetic and I don't think that way. >> But um >> I also think it's That's [laughter] fair. Where's the lesson in that? Um I also think it's looking at a relationship in the long term, not the short term, which is like there going to be over the entire length of the partnership or relationship, there going to be years where one person is pulling more weight than the other. It is not and that's in in only because there are ways where somebody will have something happen. You know, I a year ago had a bunch of health stuff go on. And then now I'm pregnant. And so like there's a lot of things that like I used to do in the relationship I don't do. And like you do more in other ways recently.

3:37And we acknowledge that and don't think there's anything wrong with that because we're in it for the long haul. And so it's like then again, you know, a year or 2 years from now, I'll probably step up and be doing more in a different way. So, it's just also I I patience. Like if you want to be in a relationship or partnership indefinitely, then like you can't look at things on a month or even like a yearly time horizon at at times. It's like I think we say it all the time. We're like, "I'm in it for the long haul." Like

4:03>> I'm I'm reading one of the comments and I'm going to say it and I'm going to sound mean, but I I I want it to resonate and you're anonymous, so no one knows [snorts] it's you that I'm saying this to but you said there's no such girls where I live. I will add on to that, that are attracted to you. There are absolutely are girls where you live that are high-quality girls. You just have to be eligible. Like you have to qualify.

4:28You have to meet the requirements. A girl like that has a lot of options. And so you need to be the best option, which means that you have to work on you. You got to get better. You got to get in shape. Make some money. Be a nice person. Be interesting. Have other you know, have other stuff going on. Like those like that is what a you know, top-tier girl will find interesting. >> [snorts] >> And I'll also add something that Leila said. I heard you say it on a live, but I thought it was really good, which is like

4:56>> my content? >> Well, I mean I like it better than my content. >> [laughter] >> Um you said this thing I think to to a girl who called in was like, you know, should I settle blah blah blah blah blah. Um and you said, "You guys are looking at Alex and I, this is me talking as you, as we are today and think that is that is who we were when we met." >> Yeah. >> And that is not true.

5:21And so if you take the position that you are both going to get better, then the relationship, hopefully, should also get better, too. But both of you guys are going to grow. And so to look at, you know, someone's chapter 10 versus your chapter one, it's just it's a it's not a good trade. And if you wait for somebody who's at chapter 10 and completely, you know, dialed in all these different arenas, guess what you're not going to be able to have? The story of the fact that that, you know, like Leila and I met when I had nothing and I got to lose everything with her and multiple times Uh and we have the story of overcoming that. And so when you meet in your imperfections, you give yourselves the opportunity for a more meaningful story and I never have to doubt is Layla just here for the money?

6:05Is Layla just here because I'm so incredibly good looking? Is Layla just here for, you know, insert reason because the thing is is that when we met, I didn't have those things. And and not only that, I also actively failed and moved backwards, I would say in status for the first probably year or two of us dating before moving forward. And so you can have some confidence that the person, at least as a guy, you want a girl who believes in you and bets and sees in your potential and is like, I'm willing to make this bet. Um and I mean and for me looking at Layla is like, I just wanted someone who was was loyal and would go through thick and thin with me. And she has. And so you don't get the opportunity to see any of those things if you have perfect conditions or you are at your quote finish line.

6:48And so I think that I would look for somebody who has potential more than actual because if you're starting out too, you probably can't attract actual. You have potential [snorts] that's unactualized and they have potential that's unactualized and both of you make a bet that the person is growth oriented and that's why it's like, do you have aligned goals? Do you have aligned values? Like how we want to get there, right? Do we want to go to the same place? Do we get there the same way? >> I also think it's there's >> And we're not [ __ ] relationship experts. I'm just saying what worked for us.

7:14>> No, no, no, no. But I do think there's something that's interesting that I've noticed has continued to evolve over time, which is like people are incredibly have incredibly high expectations of the people that they are dating, meeting, etc. Like to the degree that it's almost impossible to win. It's like I I can't tell you how many girls tell me they're like, well, I went on a date with this guy and then it's like every guy, there's something wrong. And I'm like, have you ever thought there's something wrong here?

7:37Um and it's the reality is is that everybody has something wrong with them. You also have something wrong with you. >> Something wrong with me? >> Well, seriously though. I mean like and there's and there I think there's also like you're going to have there's no person that you're going to meet and be like I have literally zero doubt in the world and at every point in time I am so incredibly happy to be in a relationship with them and I've never desired to be single. I'm sure there's been plenty of times that you've thought about being single.

8:04>> So many that I have. All of the time. So much. Constantly. It's only thought I was >> But you look at it and you you say I've made a trade-off and I would make that trade again. And does that not mean that I I could see another life with another person or another this or somebody who didn't have this issue or this? Of course. But it's just a matter of what you want in life and do you want to be in a relationship or do you want like do you want to be right and have the perfect person or do you want to be in a relationship?

8:33Because you're never going to have the perfect person and you're never going to be right about everything. So I would also just say like it sounds contrary, but like you have to lower your standards a little bit in the sense of like there's this illusion now with social media that everybody is perfect and nobody has flaws and it's like we have plenty of flaws and imperfections and we talk about them with each other all the time and we're open about it, which I think is why it's okay. Yes.

8:59And it's it's an open dialogue between us versus something that we hide and don't talk about. >> giving Layla feedback. Always giving Layla feedback, you know? It's what I'm here for. >> [laughter] >> Emotionally avoid it. >> Anyways. >> I'll I'll add this one point in which is that yeah, I will. Just a little piggyback. We'll just little little sprinkle on the top, you know, just make it just put the gravy on the on the biscuits if you want. Um yeah, this is a good point though. Um >> [laughter]

9:24>> What I would say is that I think you're also trying to find 10 different people in one. Right? Which is um the analogy that I give is like you want to have the perfect house and that house is by the beach, it's also in the mountains, it's also walking distance from a mall. It also has room for your entire family entertainment, but it's also small and cozy. Uh, like you will not have a house that has all those things. And to the same degree, you will not find a person that is incredibly consistent, but also loves variety, and also is your therapist, and your coach, and a good provider, and amazing in bed, and also super romantic, and wants to write you poems. Like, you're not going to have all those things, just like you're not going to find a house that has every single view. You will make a trade, and you will be just as happy in a house on the beach and at the mountain, knowing what you're missing, and accepting that that was the trade that you were willing to make, because you wanted to have a home.

10:14>> That's good. And later, I'm going to ask you which house I am, because I would like to know that. >> The best house. >> Am I a beach house? >> The best house. >> That was the right answer. >> If you like this video and you're a business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million, and three businesses past 100 million, into a completely free scaling roadmap that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so, you can click here, and you can check it out. Again, absolutely free. And since you're a business owner, appreciate you, and enjoy.