Warum du dein Mindset sofort ändern musst

0:00If you can be in a bad mood for no reason, then you might as well be in a good mood for no reason, too. One of the things that's been helpful for me is just actually recognizing the math of hard days. Think about you having a hundred days, right? Let's just say that you, you know, last 100 days of your life. Well, the top 10% of those days, you're going to have 10 days that are smiley face days. And then you might have, you know, kind of the middle 80 that's going to be kind of neutral days, right? And then you're going to have your bottom 10% days. Now, this is just normal because of a standard distribution of how days work. When I think back on, you know, my days, sometimes I'm like, you know what, maybe today is just a bottom 10% day. And if I didn't have this bottom 10% day, then I wouldn't be able to recognize the difference between these days and the top 10% days. And so, in order for me to want to have top 10% days, I by definition must also have bottom 10% days. I think the most important skill that you can have is being able to reframe reality. And I say this because I had a very good friend of mine this year say something to me and it was it was really powerful and it's been top of mind since he said it. He said, "You're Alex Hermoszi. You can get away with whatever you want as long as you frame it right." And I really thought a lot about that and I've I've brought that perspective to a lot of the conversations, a lot of difficult things I've had to go through this year. It reminds me of a quote from Victor Frankl who wrote the book a man's search for meaning which he wrote while he was in the concentration camps during the Holocaust and he survived or he wrote about that time period and one of the things that he said is he who has a why to live for can bear almost any how. If you think about that the why is the reframe for dealing with the how. How can I frame this this difficult thing this thing that I'm about to go through or that I just went through? How can I reframe that? In what world would this be an amazing thing? In what world were when I tell this story 40 50 years from now would I be like this is a pivot point for me. I had to have this origin story in order to get to where I wanted to go or to become the type of person I wanted to be. These have been some of the mental reframes that I've used on some of the harder days that I've had.

1:54So this year I had a gigantic bill come out of nowhere. So it was a a multi-figure bill that was required to get paid in 72 hours in cash. I, you know, thankfully had that available to me, but I had obviously different plans for that money than dealing with this gigantic bill that I had to all of a sudden pay within 72 hours. Basically, the moment between when I got the news to me paying it to then kind of reflecting back because it almost felt so faster was like, I've got, you know, I've got all these plans and then boom, this happens and then 72 hours later it's like, wow, okay, what am I going to do? What am I going to do kind of moving forward from this? And there's this great quote by Marcus Aurelius which is what are you so afraid of losing when nothing in this world belongs to you. I really thought a lot about that which is like I can't take it with me in the end.

2:44And so being sad about losing something that was never really mine anyways. Like I'm going to have to push all my chips to the middle of the board when when the game's over. I'm going to have to cash my chips and somebody else. You know other people are going to distribute my chips when I die. And so it's like I'm really just a steward of these chips. So I'm just renting these chips for a minute to be upset and to ruin the one thing that I'm only that is that is finite which is the present moment for something that actually doesn't affect how I live. So this is the second piece. This is actually kind of a utilitarian perspective. It really helped me by losing that money. I asked myself what does this change about what I do? What does this change about my life? It doesn't change the food I eat. It doesn't change where I live. It doesn't change where I work. It doesn't change what I do. It actually changes nothing.

3:22All that changed was just like in my mind I had an expectation of the future that changed. That was it. And I said, "Okay, because of this thing that existed in my mind, I am choosing to punish myself for not having seen this or not paying attention or whatever number of reasons I could blame myself for." But at the end of the day, I was like, "Okay, so you just get to pick how long you want to beat yourself up for." And I was like, "Huh, well, what am I so afraid of losing if nothing in this world belongs to me? Nothing. This wasn't mine to begin with." And so that really kind of helped me quell that kind of negative thought pattern pretty quickly. So there's to put a little comedic spin on this. Mark Twain, which has some of the best quotes like ever, by the way. He said, "I've lived through uh many terrible tragedies. Um only some of them actually happened." And so it's like, you know, most of us suffer almost exclusively in our minds. I found it helpful when I'm in a bad season like I am right now. To be fair, I don't try to like put big labels on things, but I guess I'm just giving myself a little bit of grace, but to just focus on having a good day. And so it's like, okay, even though this is a bad season, I'm going to have a good day in a bad season. It's kind of like a bite-size victory. And if I start stringing enough of those good days in a row, I'm going to turn a bad season back into a good season. And it makes it feel a little less bad because I feel like I'm making progress. I heard this bit by Bill Aman who was like getting sued. He was going through divorce. He just lost four billion dollars in Parishing Square for his capital. So he was like, honestly, all of this happened at the same time.

4:44And he realized all these projects for these big massive things, which is a lot of kind of the stuff I'm dealing with right now. not like, "Okay, I had a bad day." They're like things that just la they they last and they prolong, right? And he said, "Just got a little bit done every day. That's it." He's like, "You just got to make a little bit of progress every day." And kind of like compounding and investing, it's like you don't really you don't see it in in a day or two or a week or two. It's like, but you look at back at 30 days, you're like, "All right, I moved the ball a little bit." You look back on 90, you're like, "All right, I made some progress."

5:09And it's just like if you have big goals, you're also going to have equally large obstacles. And so you can't assume that oh my big goals are going to take many many years and that the obstacles that I have to maneuver around are going to happen overnight. Sometimes obstacles that you have to maneuver around might take a year or multiple years to get around. And so you have to be able to manage your headsp space and basically keep your internal combustion engine going during those harder times. And so it's kind of like a monkey swinging from good good moment to good moment because even going from bad season to good day, you can even have bad day and good moment. So I was trying to thought, okay, today was a shitty day. Fine. what good moments did I have? And by focusing on the moments, when I look back on my life, you forget most of your life, like if we're being real, like you can't recall most of your life. Most people can't even recall what they ate like 3 days ago. But you can have the moments.

5:58And so the moments when I think about at the end of my life looking backwards, those are the only things I'm really going to remember. I just want to make sure that I take those down. Feels like a bad season now. I can try and forget most of the bad stuff and just try and remember the good moments. In retrospect, I can have rose rosecolored glasses when it comes to this this season. Well, how do you have a good day? And I think this is different for everyone, but I'll tell you what my little formula is for for having a good day. Good day formula. For me, there's only three things. Number one is eat with people I like. Simple enough.

6:31Number two, lift with people I like. And the third is write something. If I do those three things, I had a pretty good day. Like I look back and I'm like, I earned my shower today. I feel good about this. Maybe for you, your three things are going to be entirely different. Now, I'll give you a little wrinkle on something that's been really valuable for me, like absurdly valuable. The thing that I noticed that made these two things significantly better. Really, all three of these things is not being in a rush. If I have to lift and it's like I only have 60 minutes to lift, I don't like that. Some people are fine with it. Some people are like, well, this is how my life has to be. That's fine. I have come to a point in my life where I was like, I have a lot of money and I have the ability to not work anymore. And there are not a huge amount of things that bring me big joy. If these are the few things that bring me joy, which is eating without a clock with people I like, lifting without a clock uh with people I like, and writing something for as long as I feel like, then I should organize my day so that I don't have as like many many hard stops. So that if I want to lift in the morning, I don't have something at 9. And if I do have something at 9, it's something that's movable, right? Like if I have to, you know, make this video, it could be at 9:00, but the team knows if I show up at 9:30 or 9:45 because I lifted longer, that's fine. It's all good. It has taken my good day formula and made it like my super good day formula. And so sometimes it's like what are the tiny nuances that actually make something different between good and great. I thought about like the days that I had these three things happen and then I had better days that had those three things happen. And I was like, what was the difference? And the difference was that I didn't have to be somewhere else.

8:12And in trying not to have a rush, it means I have to give something else up. Then the question is, is the thing that I'm giving up worth having a better day? For me, I was like, "Yes, I'm willing to give up some money or some upside in order to have consistently better days."