"I'm 20 and I'm at My Breaking Point"

0:00Okay. So, I'm 20, and I'm at my breaking point. I'm tired of everyone and everything. I have no family, no counseling, no friends. I've been betrayed, laughed at, mocked, and thrown away. I'm tired, and I want to win. >> Well, I'll say this, everything you said before I want to win doesn't really matter. >> Nobody really cares. >> Yeah, it just doesn't really matter. If you want to win, great. Do the Do the stuff that winning takes. I think everything else that you mentioned there was to try and get a sympathy response. But, like the world will not give you sympathy.

0:27Like the world does not care. It is uncaring. It cares about the value that you can create for it. People are self-interested. And so, your sob story only helps you feel better about your current condition, but it does not change your condition. >> What's that your dad used to say? Better to be envied than pitied. >> I know my dad used to say it all the time. >> Yeah, Alex's dad likes to say that. Better to be envied than pitied. >> Yeah, like I um So, I'll give you guys like a little bit of deeper insight into this for those of you who like take this the way I mean it. Like many people talk about having an immigrant father. Um I was an only child with an immigrant father, and my mother wasn't super present. Um and so, it was just immigrant father 24/7.

1:13And one of the thing that's like there's there's downsides to that for sure. But, and but I feel like I am the output of what happens when you have a pure immigrant father who just drives. And one of the things was that >> So, I love you, Dad. >> No, my dad's a sweetheart now. But, um and he you know, he's evolved. He's evolved, right? Um but, one of the things that I would say that he had absolutely zero tolerance for was complaining.

1:39It was just zero. Like and so, he would actually give me a null response. Like he would ignore me and anything that I said if it was negative or if it was complaining. And like anytime I complained because I wanted to get sympathy or I wanted comfort, and maybe that's what a motherly role would have been. But like whenever I basically made a bid for that kind of attention, it was completely ignored. And I'm not saying that's healthy or unhealthy, that's not my point of this, you know, live your life the way you want, but I am saying that it is it served me in the pursuit of accomplishing things by not putting a lot of time into all the things that went wrong because the first person I got feedback from in reality completely disregarded it. And it was just and he always used to say like it's better to be envied than pitied. Never seek to be pitied.

2:31And that was that was that that just like rang true in my whole life and I would say it's been incorporated into how I function like you saying all of these things just breeds victimhood. And I like do you really want to be a victim like do you want to be a victim of your own life? You might be right and so what? Like if you were right that you were a victim, is that the award that you want to win?

2:57It's competing for a prize that when you win you lose. What? >> So intense. >> I know, right? Really honest. >> This is not how it normally is. This is not how Dear Layla goes. This is not >> [laughter] >> No. No. I think it's interesting too is like what as you say this, you know, I have people that have messed me and said I'm at my breaking point. I'm heartbroken and and I'm like you're not at your breaking point. And the words that we use to talk about ourselves and describe our lives, it's very important. Which is like a big reason why people will say they'll look at my content and they'll be like I'll say something like well I'm concerned. They're like why will you not you're suppressing your emotions? I'm like no, me saying I'm [ __ ] stressed out of my mind. I'm [ __ ] overwhelmed and [ __ ] like that doesn't actually make me feel better. And I remember we had a conversation like early in the relationship but I remember I wouldn't like outwardly express my emotions a ton and we were like is that healthy? Is that not healthy? And there was a ton of studies basically that came out on venting and the way that you speak about yourself and how like large outbursts of emotions, speaking negatively about yourself, and exaggerating your situation, or using dramatic words to essentially like

4:04>> Create an emotive emotive response. >> Yeah, it actually makes it worse. It doesn't help you move forward in the situation. So, it's like maybe those things are all true. What you do next is up to you. All these things may have happened. You may have been betrayed. You may have had bad luck. You may have had all these things occur. But, you're an adult who can take action to move forward in their life next. You're not stuck where you are. And all of those things happened yesterday. They're not happening today. So, I don't know if that's helpful or not, but I think the way that you talk about yourself is really important.

4:32That's one thing I say a lot is like I'm concerned. Um I'm frustrated. Like, I think it's very important to use precise language when you're talking about how you feel and your situation because you might actually be digging yourself into a much deeper hole than you're actually in. >> If you like this video and you're business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million and three businesses past 100 million into a completely free scaling roadmap that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so, you can click here and you can check it out.

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