Ohne Langeweile oder Schmerz kein großes Ziel

0:00If you want to achieve a goal, you're either going to have to accept boredom or pain. And the bigger the goal, the more of both you'll get. When I started my gym, I actually lived with six other people in one house. This is like off a beach town. Think like sand everywhere, people everywhere, dirty dishes everywhere, not enough room in refrigerator for food, cooking was an absolute mess. Almost all of them had dogs. So, a couple had two dogs. Another couple had one dog. Another guy had a dog. Four different dogs in the house.

0:29And they were like all marking territory. It was horrendous. And I was splitting one room with a guy. With a bed like two beds. My bed was on the floor. His bed was, you know, elevated cuz he uh he could afford that at the time. And I would sleep with a fan on my face. I couldn't hear anything. That was my secret like is the fan like you there's like the window over like that's all I could hear. The thing is is like I was doing that when I was making like 20 grand a month take home. There's always trade-offs. And the trade-off for me of living in that condition was that I could invest in the dream and build the business that I had at the time. Now, I could look back cuz I ended up losing everything, you know, a few years later.

1:05You know, you get this negative cycle of like all of that suffering was for nothing. But it wasn't for nothing because I learned all these skills along the way. You also can't operate from the perspective of like I might lose it all in the future, which means everything that I do today is not worth anything because like you're going to lose 100% of everything the moment you die. So, trying to say that you might lose something in the future is a reason not to do something is ridiculous. You're going to lose everything at some point. You cannot wish for both strong character and easy life because the price of one is the other. When I think about pain, I think about what thing am I paying for right now?

1:37And is that thing something that I want? And if so, it reframes the pain as the price of the thing that I want. This is super interesting. It's they've done research on this where they have somebody who like accepts like shocks. They can like opt out at any point. If you have the same man who's getting shocked, and then you tell that man in the other room every shock he takes his family doesn't have to take. His threshold of pain like quadruples. This may seem like some {quote} mindset, whatever.

2:09But the thing is is like the bigger your goals, the more pain you're going to endure whether you want to or not. It's the price. And if you can endure four times more pain than someone else, I don't actually think that it feels four times more painful. I think it feels the same level of pain, but you have this padding that makes it feel worth it. Give a man a purpose and the ability to achieve it and he will crawl over broken glass with a smile. That broken glass, like how can you have a smile during the pain? It's because of what the pain itself represents. Now, I'm going to get get a little bit into behavior because I think it's it's valuable. I talk a lot about reward and punishment, but those are kind of more colloquial terms. When it comes down to behavior, it's actually reinforcers. A reinforcer can be negative, meaning it can be something that's aversive. So, for example, if I know that every time I hit my hand with a hammer, I'm going to grow muscle, hitting my hand with a hammer or taking the shock for my family means something positive, which is that I'm protecting my family, I'm helping my country, I'm I'm doing something that I deem meaningful. The pain itself can become a positive reinforcer because you know you're making progress towards the thing you want. Now, you might think of that and be like, well, I don't want to have the pain. The thing is is that when you're going through it, if you have this frame, it isn't as painful. In a lot of ways, it's like we are our own sculpture that we are working on and as we chisel away, we also get to reveal the type of person that we want to become, the traits and the behaviors and the belief sets that go with the man or woman that we're trying to trying to grow into. And so, I wrote this story, I want to say a year ago, maybe two years ago, that related this that I just want to share with you.

3:42So, imagine you're talking to the creator of the universe about the person that you want to become. And so, you say, you know, I want to be courageous. And the creator replies, then I will give you monsters that terrify you. That way you can conquer them. And then you say, "Well, I want to be patient." And the creator replies, "Then I will make you work harder and longer, and nothing will come easy to you. That way you can learn to wait." Or like, "Okay, well, I want to be wise." And so then creator says, "Then I will give you failures that will crush your spirit. That way you can learn the value of judgment." Then you say, "That sounds like a hard life. Can you give me a good life?" And the creator replies, "Just like we measure the quality of a blacksmith by the strength of his steel, I measure you by what you are at the end, not the fire and the hammer that it took to make you. A good life isn't an easy life. A good life makes you into a good person, and that, my child, is a hard life." It's about who we become doing the work more than the outcome from the work itself. And I love this, and this is a reframing of proverbs, but the work works on you more than you work on it. Like in all labor, there is profit. Meaning, we always benefit from work, even if the thing that we work on gets destroyed, even if you went bankrupt, even if you know, that relationship didn't work out, even if that partnership falls apart. The work you did is eternal, because it changes you. For those of you who don't know, who are new to my channel, I lost everything 5 years into my entrepreneurial journey.

4:59And then I made a little bit more, and then I lost it all again. But the thing is is that I had this idea that oh, I have to start from scratch again. But that's not true, because you can only start from scratch once. Every time after that, you start with an experience. A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an opinion. And you transition from the second to the first the moment you begin working.

5:24Because you're no longer somebody who has an opinion. And as soon as you know what that truth is, because you've been there, and you've actually done it, and you have the scars to show for it, then their opinions matter significantly less. I'll give you a different reframe that I've had for redefining pain as it relates to other people, which is you You summarize just about every hateful comment on the internet into one thing. He lives his life in a way that I would not prefer.

5:54That's it. Everything is he lives his life in a way that I would not prefer. To which I respond, yes. I do live my life in a way that most people would not prefer. And they live their life in a way that I would not prefer. And that is why it is their life and they can live their life the way that they want to live their life, the way they prefer it, and I will live my life the way that I prefer it. They cast these stones at you as though it matters. My dad told me this when he was going through his divorce. He said he went through this like divorce conference and the the speaker on stage said to somebody in the audience, he said, "Hey, here's a ball." And he threw it to him. And he said, "Okay, throw it back to me." So, he caught the ball. He said, "Now, I want you to imagine that this ball is a steaming hot pile of And he threw it to the person again. And the person caught it. He said, "Why would you catch it?" And so, the lesson of that is just because someone hurls at you doesn't mean you need to catch it.

6:42You don't need to choose to participate. And I thought that was a really interesting frame. People can hurl whatever they want. It doesn't mean that they have justified a response or that you need to accept it. And that little reframe of, "Oh, I live my life in a way that other people would not prefer." Well, that makes sense. I'm not trying to live the same life as them. So, [laughter] of course. And then they say, "He made trade-offs that I would not make." And I say, "Of course. Of course I did. Why Why is this Why is this somehow an insult? When I was making those trades in the earlier days, I didn't know when I would be successful or if I would be successful.

7:14The only thing that I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to stop. And that was it. I know I can just not stop. And that's something that I can commit to. And that's controllable. I think a lot of the big gift of hardship is that it doesn't define you, it reveals you. The benefit is that you get to see who you really are. And you make that decision yourself every day. I have this perspective on loyalty, which is that like you cannot say that you are loyal until your loyalty is tested. You cannot say you're patient until your patience is tested. Otherwise, it's an opinion, not an experience. You can't say that you handle hardship and that you are emotionally resilient until you've had something to be emotionally resilient about. The gift of the hard time is to give you proof of who you are so that the rest of your life you get to know that you did that and you get to tell that story and relive that story to yourself for the rest of your life. And to me, that gives the hardship memory dividends that pay forever, until the day you die. I'll tell you a story. So, I went to a school in the SEC and, you know, some of the SEC schools are are renowned for hazing and and and aggressive stuff.

8:16And so, I I was, you know, going to join a fraternity. And, you know, obviously they uh they, you know, build up how hard, you know, pledging is going to be and all this stuff, right? And I called my dad to to talk about it. And he just said, "Remember there is nothing that they can do to you that is harder than what you've already been through." And it was a great reframe because I remember the times, you know, like when, you know, things would be quote hard during that that season of pledging. And I would just think about the things that I had already survived, the things that I had already been through at that point. And it made what they believed to be suffering appear childish. I was like, this is cute. But for the people who were present in the moment rather than being able to relive through their memory dividends, using it as a shield for my emotional affect in the moment was like, "All right, I have these eight weeks where I have to stay at here before you apparently give me a stamp of approval. Fine, then I will do that. I live my life in ways that you would not prefer."

9:12>> [laughter] >> And that carried me a pretty long way.