Wie schwierige Zeiten dich stärker machen

0:00Like no one wants to think, man, my parent died. How do I get better from this? Like it feels like an almost uncomfortable thought. But if you think about your parent dying or your dog dying or you getting broken up with or whatever the bad thing that happened to you, right? Like what other frame serves you? And do you think that that person that let you down would want you to be worse off? No. I know for me, for sure not, right? That person would want me to be better from it. They wouldn't want me to be permanently traumatized. They wouldn't want me to be permanently changing my behavior in a way that is antithetical to my goals. is against my goals, makes it less likely that I get what I want out of life. Why would they want that for me? Why would they want that for you? Right? And so I think one of the things that's very important for like that I also had to break, you know, in thinking through this is that how long I mourn has nothing to do with how much I loved period. If you get broken up with, if you're like, man, it takes half as long to get over somebody as you were in a relationship. You guys ever heard that before? I've heard that. Right? And when you think about that though, right?

0:58Why? You ever ask them that? Like someone's like, "It takes half as long, you know, that you're in a relationship to get back to back, right? Like back up to normal." Why? Why? Who made that rule? Why can't I get broken up with today and be better immediately? Why not? Like, what stops me? What rule of physics prevents me from behaving in a certain way? Right? And I want to be clear, there are there are biological things that can affect this. if you're low on sleep, if you haven't eaten, um if you um I think there's two that that are coming top of mind. Um but like on the flip side, it's like if you slept really well, you uh you know, you have a full stomach, like you are you are you are more resilient, right? You have uh you are rather you have more tolerance and you have higher resiliency. All of your mental toughness stats will go up when you are biologically uh in a better um situation. I only and I only say that because they've measured this. people are less tolerant when they haven't slept. They're less tolerant when they haven't eaten, right? And so I I don't want to say that these things happen in a vacuum. Absolutely not. But when the bad thing happens, typically you don't expect them and you have to deal with the cards you're dealt, right? We have to we have to take it within the fact that maybe we didn't sleep that much the night before or or we haven't eaten in six hours, right? Or we just came off of nine bad meetings in a row, whatever it is, right? We still have that that moment. And Victor Franco talks about this in Man's Search for Meaning is that there's this this gap, this moment between stimulus and reaction, where we have a choice. We get to act how we want to behave. And I think that that is where we get to live out our ideals. And I think if there's anything that's eternal about the human life, it's about the values that we choose to live by.

2:40And as someone who recently wrote a eulogy about this, I find it I find it interesting when I think about what things we use to describe other human beings at the end of their life to summarize everything that happened. And what's very interesting to me is that the accomplishments that the person goes through is about one to two sentences. No one cares. No one cares if you were the richest man in Babylon. No one cares if you built a bunch of sky skyscrapers. No one cares if you invented some new social media app that then got sold for a bill. Like imagine at the funeral, this was John, man, he really knew how to nail product market fit. No one would say that even though it's something that we dedicate a huge amount of our time to. And what I did find that was interesting is that there was two things that that that persistently come up as the things that people talk about, which is number one, service. What do they do for other people? And number two, character, which I I see character fundamentally as skills, but skills in behavior on how we treat ourselves and others, which you could maybe just say are also service, right? But it's how did they behave and what did they do as a result of this this idealistic behavior? And in thinking in unpacking all this stuff while I was going through it, hopefully you guys enjoyed this, by the way. Um, I it was it was super elucidating. It was illuminating for me. It it helped me understand it …