Der Preis des Erfolgs, den man Frauen selten erklärt

0:00Is there something that happened? Was there a moment that made [music] you start to reflect on transitioning from being super gritty to finding a middle [music] balance for more empathy? I don't know if there was one moment, but I think there were like lots of little moments [music] leading up. I think it's really easy to get caught up in wanting to win. Like I went through a period in the beginning of my first business where I said the only thing that matters is this. And it was because like, you know, me and Alex, my partner husband, we put all our money into it.

0:32We had no money. We lost all of our money. Like, we were broke. And I was like, I don't care about anybody else. I need to make money. Otherwise, I don't have like what am I going to do? I'm not going to like go [music] back. Like, that would suck. And so, I just said like, I don't really care about friendships. I don't really care about seeing my family right now. I don't care about anything. Like, I need to [music] make this work. Failure is data. I I I don't understand. I I like actually don't like I do not think failure is a bad thing. I think people have a bad relationship with failure. They look at it like it means something about them.

1:00They look at it like it's a bad thing. Like every time you fail, you are that much closer to success. Like I I really do believe that innately in my blood. Like there has been nothing that I have succeeded at that I have not failed at first. People are always striving to make it. Do you feel like you've made it?

1:25Um, [music] >> Leila, >> so good to see you. >> It's good to see you, too. >> This is great. We get to do it in person in Las Vegas. Amazing. >> I'm so excited. >> So, you've been in fitness for a long time. >> Yes, >> technically. >> Right. And my question is, do you think that you would have come as far if fitness wasn't a standard?

1:53>> It's actually really funny because um I was talking about that with my husband like literally a week ago, which was I'm so glad that I actually had the foundation in fitness going into business because I think just with how immersed I have been in it and like how much up the obsession it's taken over my life, I don't know if I would have been able to take care of myself if I hadn't like had the foundation there. And so we were both talking about that like I think that if I hadn't had the foundation there's a few things which is like one I don't think that I would have been able to go as long as I have or have the endurance because I wouldn't have known how to take care of myself.

2:27And so it's like if I hadn't known how to eat or how to exercise or sleep or like any of those things I think I would have burned out pretty quick. I think a lot of people do. Um, and I would say the second thing is that the skill of learning how to do things that suck, that are hard, that you don't feel like doing, that go against it's like things that feel bad but then you learn are good for you >> like most things, >> which is most things, right? I think fitness really taught me that. Um, I would say the last one is like confidence. You know, every time like when I got into fitness when I was super overweight, uh, I didn't have any confidence and I learned that you never feel ready. you never feel like you should be in the gym. You never until until eventually one day it just kind of happens and it's the output, not the input. And so, um, no, I don't think that I would have been able to. And like I still love fitness so much because it's like no matter what has happened, I think a lot of people see what I do and they must think like you have no life.

3:22You do I will not go a day without doing exercise. Like I have never the only time that I've not exercised like if I'm postsurgery and I cannot I think one time I had a really bad flu and I didn't go on a walk. Besides that it's been like 15 years. That's it's unusual right? So I see entrepreneurs in my practice and I can always tell a rookie entrepreneur. >> You know why? >> Why? >> Because they work all the time and they don't take care of themselves

3:50>> and there's this inevitable burnout because it's predictable. >> Yeah. >> Right. You're chasing these highs and lows, but that the seasoned entrepreneur is really steady. >> Really steady. You said something else that I thought was really interesting. This idea that there's confidence and belief. >> And you know, I was thinking about the Warriors in the arena. You know, like my son's name is Leonitis. We talk lots about the Spartans and he's training for the SEAL teams, by the way.

4:14>> He's four. >> He's four. It's really tough when your four-year-old wants to cold plunge and you're like, "No, bro. I'm out. I'm good." >> Yeah. and uh makes you look yeah pretty weak. But >> besides the point, you know, I think about those Spartans and the Warriors and the Gladiators. I don't think that they had self-belief before they stepped into the arena. >> No. Like I think it's interesting because I think now I mean I think a lot about this actually, which is almost like even just like the like if we go back really really far, we didn't even have language. Um, now we have language and it's like how does that affect how quickly we take action because we're, you know, we instead of just going and doing the thing, we have the option of like talking about, inventing to somebody and like almost u emotionally vomiting about [laughter] the thing until we do the thing. Um, so like that's super meta, but I think about that a lot. Um, I think it's just a fallacy cuz like for me when I start anything, like when I was 100 pounds overweight, um, before I started my first business, before I started my business I have now, that was only four years ago, uh, before I bought my first business, before I made my first piece of content, which by the way, I had a net worth of hundreds of millions of dollars when I started making content. I didn't have any confidence or self-belief in any of those things despite even having high levels of self-belief in other areas. But those other areas had small areas that were transferable, not but they weren't fully transferable. And I think what happened was that the first thing I ever did in my life that really changed my life was losing a lot of weight and getting into shape and doing fitness and realizing that it was literally just boring AF. It was nothing fancy, nothing special, just like I everyone asked me like how did you lose 100 pounds? Like how much cardio did you have to do? None. I just walked. I walked. I lifted weights and I just ate moderately. Like it was just the boring stuff. And so when I look at all the other areas of life now, I use that as like an anchor to get into anything else. Like I remember I was like, I can lose 100 pounds, I can learn how to start a business. It's like, okay, now if I can learn how to start a business, I can learn how to start a different kind of business. If I can learn how to start three businesses, I can learn how to buy a business. like it it just stacked in terms of like I had evidence to pull on that I had done something before, but every time I got into the same situation like I got in front of a camera to make content or I um you know was like I'm going to buy this business. I'm going to do diligence. I'm going to hire this person that's millions of dollars a year.

6:37Whatever it was, I didn't have belief in that area. I could recall things that I'd done before and be like, you're the type of person who can do hard things, the type of person who can build self-belief, but I didn't have belief in those areas. I never felt like I was ready. I was always terrified. It's always the type of thing where you're like not sleeping well the night before, you feel sick, whatever. Like I tell people all the time, I'm like, uh, I still get a stomach ache about these things. Like I am a human. Um, and so I think that it's now I'm at the point where I'm like, okay, I understand how this goes, which is like the price that you pay for your dreams is discomfort today. But like you don't get the dreams tomorrow unless you pay the price of discomfort today, which is doing something when you don't feel ready.

7:17Like what is discomfort if you really like think about it, right? I'm like discomfort is doing something before you feel ready. Like if we really boil it down, that is most of the time what that actually is. It's the anticipatory anxiety of I don't know how this is going to turn out because I've never done it before. And so I think about that a lot because I anchored so much to that before I started my business. Like if I can lose 100 lb, I can do this. Like I I did lost 100 pounds. I placed second in a bikini competition, by the way. Almost passed out on stage cuz I was so nervous. But I did it. And I was like, if I can do that, I can start a business. And I think for a lot of people, they believe that in order to do the thing, you have to feel like you're ready for the thing. You have to have these prerequisites checked off and all these things. And it's like I joke with people when they're like, "Hey, what should I study? What course should I take to learn business?" I'm like, "You just [ __ ] get in there and do it."

8:06Like, I don't know what else to say. Like, you've got to get in the arena and actually start. People ask me like, "How do you learn about business?" And I'm not They're like, "Are you just gate gatekeeping? Like, you're not telling me what books you read?" And I'm like, I have read like six very good books on business and outside of that everything comes from just trying stuff and not being afraid to fail. >> But do you become less com less do you experience less discomfort >> cuz now you're Yeah. Cuz now you're seasoned at now you're oh I know what to expect.

8:33>> I think that I'll say I think there's global discomfort and local discomfort. My general level of anxiety has gone down over time because I've taught myself how to manage those situations and I've proven to myself that I can confront those situations. My localized anxiety to like right when I'm going to step on a stage with 10,000 people or 15,000 people is still there, but I don't have anxiety about my anxiety anymore.

9:00>> Does that make sense? I think in the beginning you have anxiety about even having the anxiety and over time I think what's happened is that I don't have anxiety over the feeling of anxiety. I understand that I'm willing to pay that price to get the life I want. And that price is usually just like a feeling in my body that just I don't love having but I understand I need to have in order to get what I want. Does that make sense? >> It does. And most people think about where they want to go. Did you think about where you wanted to go?

9:27>> I've always thought about the person I want to be. I haven't thought as much I know it sounds cheesy but like >> I haven't thought as much about where I want to go more than I've thought who do I want to be and then what roads could take me there and I think I'm flexible in terms of like what the road looks like but I'm really fixated on like what I want myself to look like and it's just constant improvement in every area like mostly around my character um

9:53>> tell me about that what do you mean >> when I think about so I'll give you an example like um I think that early in my life like when I started losing weight and stuff. Um, I was like, I want to be more resilient. I want to be grittier. I want to be tougher. I want to be strong. I want to be disciplined. And I got really good at that. But there's another side to who I want to be that it started to atrophy cuz I worked so hard on this, which was like I want to still be able to be empathetic and kind and funny and caring and supportive. And so in the last 18 24 months, I've said, I think I'm good enough over here. But the version of myself that I see and who I want to be in this world that I think can give the most to the most amount of people has this just as strong as this.

10:35And so I've said, okay, how do I train this muscle instead of this muscle? And so what I read, uh, how I work, conversations I have, my intentions I set every day are focused on that rather than this because I'm like, this is now almost automatic. I can do that in my sleep. It's not hard for me to go hard, but it is harder for me to learn to slow down, to stop, to be compassionate, to be empathetic, to listen, to be present.

10:59And I'm getting a lot better at it, but it's like it all came from like I looked at, you know, who is Ila when she's, you know, I think about when I'm like 65 years old and someone's interviewing me, which 65 is not super old, but like it's still it's right. It's still like 30 years above where I am right now, right? Um, and so I was like, she's a lot softer than you are right now. That was like 2 years ago that I had that kind of like check-in with myself. And so I think it just all anchors around like who you want to be and what do you want to be known for? Like I think about like when I die, what do I want people to say about me?

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12:58I don't know if there was one moment, but I think there were like lots of little moments leading up >> like I think it's really easy to get caught up in wanting to win. And you know, I made this podcast about like you want to be really careful what people applaud you for because it's like people tell us you're really good at something, they applaud you for it, you get likes on Instagram, people tell you that you're amazing at this thing, but if it's not aligned with what you want to keep doing to get where you want to go, it's really easy to get caught up in it and you don't even realize it. And I think that especially with the culture that we have today, I think like when I first, if I'm being completely transparent, um like when I first started making content, because I'd done everything behind the scenes with my businesses prior, I wasn't like public facing. Um, I started making content. People were like, "Yeah, like uh, you know, it was like the first like I would say like um, in feedback I got was just like from a lot more like people that were like, "Yeah, we love the discipline and the hard work and look how hard she works." Like I almost felt like I had to at that point, you know, maybe 4 years ago, show people that I had that in me because I felt like, if I'm being honest, um people didn't know that I had the ability to work that hard because I'm a woman and I felt like I had to prove that I'm strong and that I'm disciplined and I'm all these things.

14:19And then um I want to say it was probably about 2 and a half years ago that I was like watching my own content and I was like I don't even like her and I was like why don't I like and I was like I've gotten so hardened because I'm trying to prove something to people that I don't care about which is crazy based on the fact that I do not need to do this. I don't need to work. I don't need to do any of this. But like I feel the need to prove that I'm capable of something that I already know I'm capable of. I've proven that to myself. And when that happened, I said like I want to go like I almost had to say like I already know who I am. I've just leaned really far in one direction.

14:58Um and that was when I was like I want to not only get back in touch with more of this other side of myself, but also like I want that incorporated in everything. Like that was the point in time where like I had my team. I was like listen I make jokes and crack jokes. I'm like a [ __ ] dad jokes. Terrible. Not even funny to a lot of people but like that's part of >> I understand about that. >> Yeah. I'm like I want to show that. I want to show like me, you know, with my husband. I want to show behind the scenes. We started doing vlogging because I was like, I want people to see that like you can be successful and not just be these things. And I want to remind myself of that because I don't want to be an extreme person either one of these directions. I want to be me, which is both and in the middle

15:37>> and probably ever evolving. >> Totally. >> Like we're never stagnant, right? I mean, like are you the same person you were 5 years ago? >> No. >> Yeah. >> Not yesterday. Just depends on which side of the bed I wake up on. I mean, you know, my kids are still sleeping with me, so they're jiu-jitsuing me in the face all night, >> so I usually wake up pretty cranky. >> That makes sense. >> But when you really started being forward facing, was there something that you were hoping for?

16:01I always just thought um like when I started making content, it was not out of a need for the business. In fact, like my content doesn't even loop back to my business. like I don't have like a funnel like of we were just talking about actually like literally before this I was like I don't do [ __ ] with right now. Um, I we sold our first business, my husband and I. Um, and that was about 7 years after starting it. And I was like, what is something that I could see myself doing the rest of my life? And then I thought about what kind of impact I wanted to have on the world.

16:32And I said, well, what would have to happen? What would have to change about me to have that impact? And I was like, I can't keep hiding. I think I need to get I need to be more public facing. Um, and that was when I said I I want to get out there because I think that I want to show people, especially at that point, you know, everyone on Instagram was just like, "Oh, look at my Ferrari and my money and all my this." And it's just like, "Look at my money." You know, and they're like, "Oh, let me show you how to build a business." And I'm like, "What real business owner is like, look at all the money I have." Like, nobody that I know that's like really good at business is like, "Let me show you how much money is all over the place." It's like,

17:06>> in fact, they're probably the opposite, >> right? They're the opposite. feel like I want nobody to see this because I don't [laughter] want to have to deal with these lawsuits. I got enough [ __ ] on my plate. >> Um, >> and I was like, it would be really cool if I could show be transparent um in a way that inspires people so that when it gets hard, they realize that that's normal. And for people that want to be in business but don't relate to that very like I would say like ego-driven, status driven, money driven side that they can see like you can have other motives and still succeed in business. And so it was just kind of all those things I was thinking like I didn't have somebody that I looked up to um especially a female when I was yeah starting in business. And so you know I had a lot of everyone asked me it's all men that I looked up to

17:54>> and I think also because on the other side there were some females but they didn't talk about business. They just did business but they didn't talk about the same tactics or strategies that men did. And I was like, well, I would love to learn from you, but like I don't know. Come on, Chris Jenner. No, but like you're like somebody's got to like talk about that, right? >> And so that inspired me to start making content in the first place. And then I think the first 18 months were just like absolute dog [ __ ] Like it was it was terrible. Um like people just said so many things about me that were so mean.

18:25After I got past that first 18 months, then it really started to feel like relief. Like there weren't so many people saying such mean stuff. And then >> were you listening to it? >> Listening to it like >> you know seeing it. >> Um I didn't actively look for it. So I'm not that type of person like I don't search my name often or do any of that stuff like I'll do it like I literally think I did this morning for the first time in like three or four months. Um but I will see things and people will message me or tag me or I'll have friends send me things. You know what I mean? Like

18:57>> why do they do that? Don't do that guys. They do that to me too. >> It's so weird. Right. >> Yeah. The thing is is like it doesn't rattle me up, especially because of the stuff I went through in the beginning, but I'm just like this is unnecessary. Like I just don't I'm like what kind of a troll? Like I've never said a mean thing about anybody on the internet. I can't like fathom having a life where you have time. Can you imagine having time? >> No. I just I think that I'm like you have to >> I can't even find my socks. No, definitely not. [laughter]

19:20>> Yeah. So it's that um and so yeah, I think making the content and being public facing was like how do I spread the message faster? And that's what works for a lot of people right now. >> Why do you think there's not that many women in positions to provide I don't want to say value but for example to look up to because I think that it's almost across the board.

19:45>> Yeah. even in the longevity space or even in you know um you know my husband was in the Navy and you know I think about our other SEAL friends like Joo and Johnny Kim and these guys that >> you know I would say a lot of the team guys also resonate but what about women? >> It's interesting because I thought about that a few times. So, here's my theory on some of it, which is like women gain nothing from the opposite sex by showing how much money status they have. So, like a woman being like, I have girls that will come to like, I don't understand. Like, I have a good career. I'm making money. I'm like, girl, you don't give about that, [laughter]

20:25>> but are you on Tinder? >> Right. It's like he doesn't really care that much about that. Like, um I think that like >> I often think about it like what are we programmed biologically to do? Like men, it's like if you have a lot of money and status and fame, women typically flock to you. I think for women, I'm not sure. I think that it might be intimidating to a degree for men. I mean, I don't you probably get this, but like I definitely met people who are get more shy because of it. And so, one, I don't know if it reinforces the pursuit of finding a partner. Um, the second one is that I don't think that I think women have been socially conditioned not to advocate for themselves. So I don't think that many women, at least I think about myself, it wasn't like you're not really taught to speak up. You know, I think now the narrative has changed, but I think a lot of people that's still like programmed is like less self advocacy. And in the advocacy that did exist, it was like, you know, I think about like when I was in middle school, high school, it's like it's just like okay, uh to like look good, not to use your brains. Um, and then I would say like the third piece being I I have there are a decent amount of like I would say studies to support that like a lot of women um have there's a lot of female business owners, but there's not a ton that have there's not still as many out there speaking up who have larger businesses, which might be again because they have kids and they want privacy or like I think about that like maybe that's the reason why. Um, but like when I look at the women out there that are teaching business, it's like often smaller, so it doesn't get as much reach because if you think about anybody in a place of authority, if you want to get reach, you have to have a lot of credibility. Where's credibility in business come from? Having a bigger business with more money. So, I think about those three things as like the reason why there's probably not as many.

22:09Um, and then I think that there's just a natural like just being completely honest. How the are you supposed to have a business, make content, have kids, have a husband, be it like that ising hard. So there's just a constraint of time where it's like >> it's called you sacrifice sleep, >> right? >> Lots of sleep. >> 100%. It's like I mean I don't want to do that. So it's like I think about people that have kids, have a business, have a relationship, have friends, and now I'm going to make content about it too. It's like they have something has to give. You can't be everything to everybody. And so I think that it's difficult for a lot of women, the ones I've spoken to that are like very legitimate in business, they're like, I just don't have time. So

22:44>> how do we determine business legitimacy? >> I mean, I think about anybody in business. I think about like being legit in business would be like the I mean I'm not saying I find this but like I would say like the quality and quantity meaning like the if you were to test a business and say like how is it legit? It makes a lot of money, grows a lot and people say good things about it, customers and employees. And I would say if you have those three things and like you'd be like that's a legit business.

23:09Um, I think that if you have a business where people say good things both internally and externally, but it's small, it's like you have credibility with small businesses, not large businesses. If you have a big business that has lots of money, etc., but nobody says good things about it, you have credibility with scammers. So, uh, that's how I think about it. >> That's helpful because I think a lot of people listening. So my audience is, you know, they're really interested in evolving. And even though the entry point is medicine, we really bring on the best of the best in all of their domains. And I think one of the big challenges is, you know, in our content, for example, a lot of the scientists that are out there are men.

23:49>> There are some women, but it is not easy to get them to come on, easy to get them to be forward- facing. And it just it's confusing because I think there's so much to gain from a sisterhood. >> Yeah. You know, right before this, we called one of my best friends, Emily Forcella. Emily, love you. Probably not listening to this podcast, but whatever. Um, and there is something special in women supporting other women. But you know who you see that mostly in the guys. I think the bros, they are like there to support each other

24:19>> versus the women. It's more, at least from what I see, more like crabs in the barrel. >> Yeah, that's interesting. I do think that there's like if you think about competition amongst the sexes, it's like I think men are like they fight with their fists. Women manipulative. So it's like I think when I speak to other women, they're like oh it's hard to find people I can trust. That's always like the do I trust women? And I'm like I look at the same way as hiring people.

24:45It's like well if you let one person burn you, you're never going to have a team. If you let one friend burn you, it's like you're never going to have friends. So, how do you evaluate trust or how do you you know you probably have a lot of people coming to you for a lot of different things? I think that trust is I think like if I were to say how do I know I can trust somebody? It usually comes from being able to predict their behavior over a long enough time. So, I think that the difficulty with trust is that it just takes time. Everyone says they're like trust just takes time. Why does it take time? Because if you want to understand somebody and be able to predict their behavior, which makes you feel safe, you have to have had enough time spent around that person or exposed to that person to understand. I know I read a study once on that. It takes about 80 hours to form a real friendship with somebody. I was like, well, why is that? I think it's because in order to really trust someone, you have to just see how their behavior plays out over time. So, I think about that with people. Um, do you find you're more guarded now than you were in the beginning of business?

25:51Oddly, no. Because I think I was so guarded then. >> Um, like I wouldn't even be able to like be myself talking to you right now. Like I would be so self-conscious. I think I was very insecure. Um, like me 10 years ago, so insecure. >> I think it's a I think that's, you know, part of age, right? We >> all go through that, I suppose. And I think with the insecurity is like well if I can't trust this person will I be able to amend the situation? Can I take care of myself? Like I think it was I trust myself more now the more I trust myself I can trust other people. Does that make sense?

26:27>> Yes it does. >> Yeah. >> What do you think people get wrong in business in life relationships? Are they different? >> [sighs] >> It's interesting because like I think I I definitely feel about instead of like wrong, I think there's trade-offs, but I think that there are universal patterns that people tried to defy. I would say that one of those would be like if I could give anybody like the biggest thing I've learned in my lifetime, which I got to learn by like a very young age is like money does not make you happy. Success does not make you happy. I think that people conflate happiness and success and they're such different things. I can feel super happy when I'm not super successful. Um like I can tell you cuz in business you have good and bad years.

27:12Some of my happiest years have been the ones I've been the least successful in business. Probably also not a coincidence. Um and I think that you know it's funny cuz I remember somebody told me when I was like 21 and I was like listen I'm not going to be a I was like what do I do with my life right? And I was like they're like >> had you already sold your business at this point? I was No, not at that point. This was when I was 21, so I was young. And I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do. And somebody's like, "You could go into physical therapy and you could make $85,000 in year one." And I was just like, "That's too slow." And they were like, "Listen, money isn't going to make you happy." And I remember literally being like, I'd rather find out for myself.

27:51>> Like, yes, it will. >> Yeah. Like, I will find out. Um, and I didn't, you know, I say that half-heartedly, but like, um, they're just different skills. And I think that a lot of times in life, people think that if they succeed more, they're going to be happier. And that's just not the case. And I think that I think that there's feeling content, there's feeling confident, there's having respect for yourself, there's um, trusting yourself. Those are all and those can help with happiness, like having a solid foundation of like feeling like you've got your back. But I I don't think that the two are related.

28:25And I think I know a lot of people who I do not want to be like that are very successful, like wildly successful, like most successful in the world, and they are so miserable. >> Yeah. >> And I've just told myself I'm like, I'm just not willing to compromise my quality of life to succeed. Like I'm just I just don't want to do that. And I think it was like two years ago I really started thinking about that. I was like, I know my personality. I know myself. I can be very obsessed and fixated and not do these other things that make my life good and build connection and relationships and stuff. Um, have you always valued that relationship connection? Always have. Doesn't mean I always prioritized it. Like I went through a period in the beginning of my first business where I said the only thing that matters is this. And it was because like, you know, me and Alex, my partner husband, we put all our money into it. We had no money. We lost all of our money. Like, we were broke. And I was like, I don't give a about anybody else. I need to make money. Otherwise, I don't have what am I going to do? I'm not going to like go back. Like, that would suck. And so, I just said like, I don't really care about friendships. I don't really care about seeing my family right now. I don't care about anything.

29:35Like, I need to make this work. And so, for that, there was like a three per three-year period where we literally said when people would be like, "Hey, do you want to go to dinner?" Me and Alex did the same thing. People, we'd be like, "We don't do dinner." And they were like, "Why?" And we're like, "We just don't do friends right now." And it was like, "Oh, I remember saying that." >> Oh my gosh. And them being like, "What?" And I was like, "I just don't even know how to do that." And it was because >> honestly, like in the beginning of my business, I was so scared of [ __ ] up and scared of I felt so much responsibility. You know, by the time I was 23, I had 100 employees and I'm like, I've never even managed somebody before. Um,

30:08>> that's bananas. >> Yeah. And then I'm like, I got to figure this out. So it's like every waking moment all I wanted to do was figure that out because I took it really seriously. I'm like listen all these people paid me all this money to deliver these products and services. >> 23 years old. >> Yeah. How how do you even go through that? That's so accelerated, you know? >> I mean >> I mean you grow up in >> Yeah.

30:30>> business. Yeah. Um it was like the wildest few years of my life honestly I think. But the interesting thing is like you asked me about fitness in the beginning. Like I anchored so much to that when I was going through it because it's like you're going through an identity shift. You're changing your lifestyle. You're learning a completely new skill. It's what you think about all day. Other people see it and they're talking about it. Like it's it's a giant life shift.

30:58And so um yeah, it was really really hard for me. But I also gained so many skills. Like I wouldn't have traded it for the world. like the person I was able to become and how much confidence I got as an output of all the things that I did. I think I it was such a gift. >> Yeah. Makes me think a lot about of a lot of sacrifice. >> Yeah.

31:22>> You know, um I did my fellowship in geriatrics and nutritional sciences and I got to tell you what, I didn't want to. >> I mean, I was rounding on nursing homes. You're going, you're seeing 30 patients that are going to die a day and it just was not what I signed up for. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> but I did it so I could do nutritional sciences. >> And I just thought, man, just one more day. One more day until the time is complete. And the sacrifice seems to be transformative. And it's who's willing to sacrifice to be able to move forward.

31:57>> Yeah, >> I I agree with that. I think I'm so careful to talk about sacrifice because people are like, "Oh my god, what are you going to sacrificed your whole life for this thing. And I think what you just said is exactly what I tell people, which is it's not forever. >> Mhm. >> But in every season, it's like you think about life as like a wheel. You probably see this with people with health. It's like you have to there's the constraint.

32:21What's the constraint of your life, right? And then to move forward in that area, that constraint, you almost have to put the rest on autopilot. Say, I'm going to sacrifice growing these other areas to grow this one area. raise the thermometer like the set level there and then I'll probably move to the next one. I think about that because like a lot of entrepreneurs you meet with I'm sure it's like >> they've done the business and they've maxed out but it's like now the constraint of even their business is their health

32:47>> because they can't function properly because they don't have their health >> always >> and that's I mean yeah you see it's like even think about like Brian Johnson right it's like he went and did all the business then he's like dude my health sucks it's like it's such a common thing >> so I think about it like you're sacrificing right now this doesn't mean forever and I think that's really important context for people because if you tell somebody like forever you're going to have to put this much mental mental energy into this thing, it sounds very overwhelming and they say, "I don't want to do that. I'm not going to make that sacrifice." But if you said, "What if you only had to do it for 14 months and then it's going to become normal.

33:16You're going to have built habits. It's going to feel automatic and you're able to think about other things and have head space." Let's talk about something I see consistently in my practice. Women who train hard but wake up exhausted the next day. You're hitting your workouts, eating your protein, but you're still sore for days, still dragging through your afternoon, feeling like you can't recover fast enough to stay consistent. Listen, recovery isn't just about rest.

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34:45Go to bodyhealth.com and use the code lion 20 to get 20% off your first order. That's bodyhealth.com and use the code lion 20. Yeah, that's actually a really good point because things are hard in the beginning >> and then after 2 years you level up and it's not even though the original feeling of sacrifice.

35:11>> Yeah. >> It it evolves >> 100%. And I think it's the it's almost like the mental energy of these things more than it is even the time. It's like when you know it's a problem and you're trying to fix it and you're sacrificing these things like it takes a lot of mental bandwidth. Um so it's one thing I I I think about a lot but um I mean you know like I I talk to people and they're like you know I want to follow your path and I want to do what you did. And I'm like okay well then you'd have to sacrifice what I would did which like I'm not even able to tell you if that was the right trade-off or not. I don't know cuz I can't have lived my other life that I could have had. Like I didn't have kids when I was young and now if I want to have kids like it's going to be a lot harder, you know, cuz I'm older now and that's a real sacrifice. I could work the rest of my life. I can't have kids the rest of my life. And I tell women now and then I talk to them like that's a real thing that I kind of wish somebody had said to me because if they were like, "Hey, just do it now and get it over with and then you, you know, whatever." It's like I might have done that. Maybe it would have worked out better. I don't know. But I have two if you want to borrow them. [laughter]

36:09>> You might change your mind real fast. >> You're like, "No, you're good. you got out. >> No, just kidding. Um, >> but as the years go on and you've achieved all this success, the same stressors, they don't exist in the same way, right? Is that fair to say? >> Yeah. No, no, no. I don't think so. I think it it just is a new level. You get to another level and then you have a new stressor of something different for the most part, but you have more skills to pull from. How long do you think those levels last?

36:38>> 2 years, 5 years? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do. >> You know, you seem to jump or everybody, not you in particular, but there's the beginner phase and then there's the next business or the next accomplishment. I think it's more about exposure than it is time. And I think I say that because of my first experience with business growing so quickly. Like if people are like, "What's the level?" It's like, "Okay, maybe right now the level's like you have to get over like fear of public speaking and being in camera and whatever." Okay.

37:07Well, if you speak once every two weeks, it's going to take you two years to get to the next level. But if you speak every day, every other day, once a week, it's like if you expose yourself to it more, I think that you can get to the next level faster. It's like whenever I find something in my life that I realize that's stressing me out, I'm like, how can I stress myself out more? That's Wait, you have to pause there because that's really good advice. >> That's really good advice.

37:32>> Yeah, I'll take it. Increase cortisol. Yes. No, I'm just kidding. But um everybody thinks self-care is leaning into the softer thing in that way. It's not. >> No. >> Um so say that again because I don't think I've ever heard someone verbalize that. >> It's hard to um Yeah. I don't verbalize it cuz it sounds bad when it comes out, but like you have to stress yourself out more in the short term >> to get to the other side faster. So like something I talk about a lot with people. I had like a quote that went viral is like fear is a mile wide and inch deep. It's like the moment you step into the thing that's been freaking you out, stressing you out, etc. It gets easier. You realize it was it's not an ocean, it's a puddle, and it's like, "Okay, I've just got to like jump through the puddle a little bit to get to the other side." But it's that most people have one experience and then they say, "Oh, I don't want to touch that."

38:18And then they're like, "Ah." And it becomes this thing in their life that like they have to circumvent around everything they do from this thing that they're scared of or that stresses them out. When in reality, if you had said, "I'm going to do this thing actually. I'm going to actually every day for 2 weeks expose myself to this thing that stresses me out. >> By the end of two weeks, not only will you most likely not be stressed about it, you might actually like it. You know, I mean, I think about that. I'm like, I used to be so so stressed. I remember like I made a podcast cover. I made a YouTube channel. I did all these things. I would get in front of the camera. I was like,

38:50>> you know, and like mind you, I would speak in front of a hundred employees I had live with like no scripting and loved it. But like I'd be in front of the camera, I'd be like like I just >> My armpits are sweating. >> Yeah. Yeah. And um and then I realized I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna commit to doing this content thing and I'm going to do every week this many times a week and I'm not I'm just going to commit to it. I'm not going to stop." And it's like I got over the initial hump so quickly the more I did it. Like I remember I did in one quarter I did like I can't remember how many speaking engagements it was. I never do them anymore, right? Um because one they don't stress me out anymore. Two I don't like traveling that much. So, I don't like doing it, but like I did so many in that quarter and I remember by the end of the quarter I was like, "Oh, I like doing this. I could keep doing this."

39:32And I was like, "Oh, wait. No, I don't. >> That's too easy." >> Yeah. And then I was like, "Wow, I took something that I was so scared of that's caused so much stress in my life and now I actually like like it." So, I think it's just um like it is so much easier to condition ourselves than we think. It's almost like I mean, you probably see this in medicine, but it's like someone's intolerant to a food. start with a tablespoon every day for a week and then two tablespoons then three and all of a sudden something that you were intolerant to now you're like completely fine with and you actually crave. It's like I've had that with foods as well.

40:01So it's like I think about the same with anything in life. It's just um I think the hardest part is the first step because we all want to not feel the stress or the fear or the anxiety in order to take that first step. We're like no no I have to solve the feeling before I go do the thing. But it's, you know, that doesn't work. No. >> Yeah. I think that's I mean that's really wise advice. I hope people really hear that. And the other thing is we don't hear that a lot from women.

40:32>> And whether it's a man or a woman doesn't really matter. But I do think that there is something to be said for that to lean into the harder thing. >> Yeah. >> You know, there's this idea of stoicism, right? And you know, when I think about stoicism, they got a lot right. >> It's very neutral, [clears throat] >> but the part they missed is kind of the connection and being able to feel and be together with family. And >> yeah,

40:58>> what is, you know, it's not just all about, you know, go hard or go home. >> Yeah, that's tough. Um, I think that, well, I'll speak freely. Um I think that a lot of women at least like what I have thrown up in is like we have to prove ourselves to be like we are strong and we are we are we can do it too right that was like a slogan how long ago

41:22>> um like what was it like anything a man can do I can do better was that it >> but there are things like that leans you very far in this one direction and I think it's we're at this weird point right now at least I see it like the very few times I'm on social media and often People just ask me about these things. It's like you've got women that are super hard boss babe. Women that are super hard like trad, right? That's what they call it. >> What is it called? >> Trad wife. >> Trad wife.

41:48>> Traditional wife. >> I got to get one of those. >> When I said that, I was like, I want one of those. [laughter] >> I want one of those. >> Um, >> and it's it's almost like this. And I think it's not just it's probably not just promo, it's probably for men, too. But I think they have less social they're not really acceptable being super soft in society as much. Um, but I think stoicism also became cool in the last decade because it also goes in that direction. But there's so many things that I think like we are naturally inclined to do and do as women that help this side that come from this side. Like if we can learn to foster relationships, connect with people, have empathy, listen, support people, encourage people, like create safe spaces for people, like it can't supercharge this other side. But I feel like at least so many women I speak to, it's like they're now so afraid to show this side of themselves because they feel like now what's cool is to just be like this complete that's like stoic and doesn't cry and has no emotion and this and that. So it's really interesting to see all that and I think it takes a toll on people cuz it's like you're trying to be one or the other. It's like just be yourself which is like humans are dynamic creatures and we change all the time.

42:55>> Yeah. The social media thing is really tough. >> Yeah. because it shows a side of human human nature, but I think it also brings out the worst in people. >> Yeah. Well, you probably see it a lot too, especially like in health. I feel like that's >> Yes. >> So polarizing. >> Yes. >> I mean, but like you you you know, I see you post and you're like you're working out, you're pushing heavy weights, but then you've got your kids with you and you're like, "Come on, buddy. Le >> let me wipe your butt."

43:20>> Yeah. Exactly. And it's like, you know, figuring that out has, I'm sure, not been easy for you because it's like a different energy at times that you have to bring to the situation. >> Yeah. I don't know. I I try to be as at least for me as transparent as possible. What people most people don't know is that I'm actually hilarious. >> Yeah. Just kidding. Um but uh yeah, just ask Emily. >> I try to be as transparent as possible,

43:45>> but also I'm not on social media. I'll I have a great team that helps me. Uh, so that way I'm not thinking about what I should be doing. I'm just very much >> this is what you see is what you get. I swear a lot more than I do on camera or in my podcast. That is true. [laughter] And I'm not nearly as good of a cook. But other than that, I try to be as because then it feels very inauthentic and I

44:11>> And you wouldn't want to do it. >> Well, but I feel as if there's two reasons why people do things. And maybe this is too much of a black and white statement, but either it's really in the service of others. >> Yeah. >> Or it's in the service of themselves. And >> there's probably this birectional relationship because when I am doing and being of service, it makes me feel better. >> Yeah.

44:36>> But the primary goal isn't for it to be about me. And it never has been. And my husband's the same way. He is a, you know, he's a veteran. He's a surgical resident working 100 hours a week. >> It's about being of service. >> And so then the other side is it's about >> me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me. And then I think that that the social media landscape doesn't differentiate between the two.

45:02>> We don't we don't know. And that I think that part is challenging. >> Yeah, that is true. And you can't really tell on social media much. I mean, like, I've met so many people that then I I see their social media, I'm like, "Gh." And I meet them in real life, I'm like, "Oh, you're awesome." Or I'll see them in on social media and I'm like, "Oh, they seem amazing." I meet them like, "Oh my god, you're awful." You know, it's so hard >> Yeah. >> to know anything nowadays. And I I mean, I feel grateful I didn't grow up like, you know, blue to a screen. That would be tough. But

45:29>> yeah. Do you limit your time on social media and try to have more inerson interactions? I actually feel like because we have like this office and all these people like I actually try to get on social media. I have to try to get on it which I actually like because I like if I looked at my phone usage like the what I am glued to on my screen is my Slack for sure. Like we use Slack to communicate with the team. Like it's like the most hours on my phone used.

45:57>> So if you guys are not on there you're totally fired. >> Yeah. [laughter] Everyone's on Slack for sure. Um, so I haven't had a hard time with the social media usage, but I see it in like almost every but that's like a forcing function. Like I'm sure if I was not in the office doing things, I would have >> How would you be spending your time? >> Reading. >> And what are you reading? Oh, I love that. >> Um, cooking. Yeah, I like doing those three things for sure.

46:25>> What kind of stuff do you read? I read a lot more about um psychology, human behavior. Um like that's pretty much all I read actually. >> Anything recently? Good. Interesting. >> Um [sighs and gasps] no, I think I've I I've been interested in this like reading more about the evolution of men and women and like how we've gotten to kind of where we are today because I see so much about it in like culture. That's what people call it, right? Uh, and I think it's really interesting because I like you said something earlier was like you feel responsible to a degree to do like I feel responsible as a woman in business who has a brand to understand if my influence is positively or negatively affecting people and like that actually will keep me up at night.

47:16And so understanding how I've gotten to where I am and then what's happening in culture right now. Like I see a lot of people unhappy because they're single. Like so many people are single now. And like I think about that like I don't understand. Like when I was dating it was like >> it was just different. Um it wasn't this like nobody can find a mate thing. >> Yeah. >> And I see that and that seems >> Do we know that to be true? I mean, is that what the statistics say that people are struggling or is it maybe the people that you were exposed to that are in business wanting to do other things?

47:46>> It's interesting that it's like I've seen it both one way or the other which is like, you know, I've seen stats saying that the birth rates are declining and you see stats saying they're going up. I don't know. But I do hear a lot of it. I have so many women that reach out to me and they're like, I cannot find a man. I don't understand why. I have so many men that reach out to me. They're like, how do I find a wife like you? Like literally, those are the questions I get. And so I'm like, what is going on? And literally, I'll do an ask me anything. I'm like, why are people asking me about this? But it's probably cuz I'm married and in business. Um,

48:15>> how have you guys been married? >> Uh, almost 10 years. >> Okay. Do you think there's something special to do to maintain a relationship with two extremely high achievers? Yeah, it's hard. Um, it took a ton of work in the beginning and as you change as people, it takes a ton of work as you change. Like I even think in the last 2, three years, like we've definitely both changed a lot as people and we like joke about how this is like our second marriage with each other. Like literally recently, it was like a thing. Um, and so it takes like almost like when we've been going on dates, I'm like literally look at my husband and I'm like he's a new person now. Like I have to like go in with like

49:03>> ask them questions as you would if you didn't know this person because people change and you just make assumptions and I also don't want to be the reason that anyone I'm with remains the same as they are rather than growing into who they want to be. And I think you can keep people there with what you reinforce, how you label them, how you treat them because of things they wanted that they used to want to be. Um, and I think in order to keep a marriage, I mean, like you can probably relate to this, like you have to keep one, I think it's really hard if you both don't grow. Like if you both aren't growing, that's that's hard because what is there to talk about? Um the second piece is that I think you have to be curious enough to get to know the person all over again when they are changing and then say great now let's talk about how do we be married if that's how you say it to this new version of each other. I mean have what have you experienced with your husband?

49:54>> So you know um my husband is a little bit of an enigma. He's actually they're probably pretty similar. Yeah. >> So he was a SEAL for 10 years. Yeah. And while he was deployed, he taught himself physics and calculus at war to then come back and teach trauma to special warfare. Wow. >> And then went to medical school and now he's a surgical resident. The joke is is he went from working with to now treating cuz he's a urologist, which is so funny.

50:23>> Um but he is a professional teammate, so he's all about the team. >> Oh yeah, that makes a ton of sense. >> He's all he's like, "What are you doing? Want to hang out? What are you doing?" I'm like, um, I already spent an entire day with go and so it's it's really cute. >> But I will say I was thinking about what you were saying in terms of the beginning of business. He's working 100 hours a week. >> The responsibility of the family, >> yeah,

50:47>> is 100% on me. >> I run the businesses. I take care of the kids. I do not outsource all my childare. >> Yeah. >> I have part-time help. >> Mhm. >> By design. I'm taking care of all of it. So the challenge is, you know, from my perspective, just speaking also freely, my husband does listen to this podcast. Hi honey, I'm sorry what I'm about to say. Um, resentment can build up. >> Mhm.

51:12>> He is working and I promised very early on that I was going to support the family and him. >> He served our country, put his life in danger to protect us. He can do whatever he wants. >> Yeah. And that and as I made that promise, we're now four, five, six, seven years later. >> Yeah. >> Of him working these hours, at least he's not deployed, but it's a lot of responsibility when you're like, "Hey, can you please pick up the kids? I've picked up the kids for the last 5 months straight. Can you do it?"

51:44>> Yeah. I mean, >> and it's not possible because he's in surgery or doing whatever he's doing, sleeping in his car, >> which is probably why the joke about getting a wife. >> Yeah, totally. I'll take one. Hey, if you guys are looking, you can apply. Yeah. I mean, I I get it cuz even when when me and Alex got together, we don't have kids. But, you know, we looked at like the house responsibilities and he was just like, "These things are not important to me." Like, I just honestly don't do like I when we met, he didn't do anything. He would not do laundry to the degree he would just buy new clothes when they were dirty.

52:12>> God, that must have smelled really wrong. >> Yeah. So, and I So, I said I was like, "Listen, I just want to make this easy. I will do take care of all house stuff. That doesn't mean I will be doing it, but I will take care of it. And I will also take care of all the food stuff." And it's been 10 years. And like there I mean I we'll get to points where I'm like listen >> I can't cook. Like I got to like I'm not cooking anymore. And then you know then I go back cuz like I love cooking. I love baking but not when I'm like so busy.

52:39>> And that's the problem right as you're growing a business. Your stress increases. >> What worked in a relationship early on you know I made these commitments. I'm going to take care of everything. Now I'm going to release my second book. I have a third book coming out which I'm, you know, interviewing you for which is all about women and I wasn't the same person. The stresses weren't the same, the responsibilities.

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54:18>> Yeah. are not the same. And so there's this kind of dance where you get more skills like you said, but also you have to be able to look at yourself and then evolve those parts if that makes any sense whatsoever. >> Oh, it's almost like you have to renegotiate the terms of the relationship. >> That's right. I mean, it's like a business. It's like, listen, we both you're partners and I look at it like you because we have the conversation. I'm like, listen, [laughter] every time we've had one of these, it's like we're partners in business. We're also partners in life. Like we negotiate our terms.

54:45>> I'm like, dude, you're broke. Uh, so [laughter] >> you put in the sweat equity and I'll put in the money. >> It's terrible, but true. >> Um, >> it's funny though. [laughter] >> Um, it but I I do think that that is like the the premise of it. It's like everyone goes into a relationship thinking like this is how it's it's it is not it's not going to be that way forever. You will change so much. They will change so much. And and those things change and like I mean I I've been very honest with Alex and I've been like, "Oh my god, I I think that I cannot do this and do this." And he's like, "Great. So like let's just talk about how you know and I think it's being open with your partner about what you have to give you know and then you know it's interesting for me is because like I recently was like I actually miss doing some things like baking and cooking etc because like I actually went to culinary school I wanted to do that for you.

55:33>> I did >> and so >> that's amazing. >> Yeah. So for me it's like a creative outlet but then so I'll do it and then he like this is amazing. I'm like don't p it's not expectation [laughter] like I just do it when I have time. And it's like creat like I literally can think freely when I'm doing those things cuz like your hands are busy. It's a great time. Um and so it's interesting like it changes so much throughout the relationship. I think I think people just expect now I think a difficult part is like now especially with women having more responsibilities and expectations of themselves and dreams and goals than ever. You have to be more communicative with your partner.

56:09>> Yeah. And we have to say like I I do see a lot of women that I know and they've been like why won't he listen or talk to me like I want him to just like be my emotional support almost and I'm like men for so long that has not been their their value in a lot of rel like a lot of there are plenty of men who are but there's also like what is innately like their absolutely right and so I've had to have these conversations I'm like he's he's not your Yeah.

56:39>> And I literally had the conversation. I was like, that's what you I talk to girls about those things. I talk to my girlfriends about those things. It's like, but >> that I don't expect to get that same level of connection with my husband when I'm talking about these things. And so, I do feel lucky I learned that early on because I see that being a huge I would say demand that women have on men right now that I feel is some men have it to get for sure. Um, >> not the ones I know. So, okay.

57:04>> Right. But, but I'm just Some do. I'm like, "Honey, I um I'm really pissed about." He's like, "You want to talk about I'm like with you?" Absolutely not. >> Yeah. No, I have no interest. >> Cuz yeah, he's going to give me the one the same. He's like, "Did you no matter what I say?" >> Yeah. >> His answer will be like, "Well, did you break our family rule?" >> What's that? >> Well, I'm going to say it, but team, you got to beep this out. It's are you being a or don't be a And then rule number two is don't it up.

57:30>> That's funny. >> That's it. Don't be a And you're like great, good talk. Anyway, >> I'm like honey. Oh my god, I had to fire this person and you know, I don't know what we're going to do and and then I got to work on this book because they sent a deal in and I've got to try to do this merger acquisition with the part of the business. And he's like, "Okay, well, did you break rule number one?" And I'm like, "Oh my my dad, he's got him all like whatever it is." And I'm like, "What?" He's like, "Are you even a I was like, "Oh my god, I'm never asking you." And then he's so upset every time.

58:03I'm like, "Hey, dude. I don't talk to you. I'm going call someone else. >> Yeah. You just know. You're like, "This is not for you." >> Yeah. >> I already know what the answer's going to be. >> Yeah. 100%. You're like, it's funny. My husband like, "Do you want to talk about that?" I'm like, "No, I'm going to talk to [laughter] somebody else about this one." >> Yeah. >> He's like, "Cool. Works for me." >> Yeah. Good talk. So, mine isn't. He's feelings are very hurt, but you know, he'll evolve. >> He'll [laughter] get a new response. >> And then he'll be like, "Honey, I want to talk to you about this thing."

58:28>> He's like, "This thing happened at work and I was operating." I'm like, "Uh-huh. Oh, like are you being a or what?" He's like, "Yeah, I am. Good talk." [laughter] And that's it. >> Because that's what he wants you to say. >> Totally. I'm like, "I'm so glad that I just gave you what you needed. This is this is going to work out well." >> This was so easy. >> Totally. Totally. >> That's great. >> What do you think people do wrong? So, for the women, >> maybe not even. So, in the relationship, the one thing is perhaps not having the expectation that they're going to be your girlfriend, which I totally agree with. Also, my husband smells way too bad to be a female.

59:01>> [laughter] >> I'm like, "Dude, what is that smell like? That's like that is not good." >> He's like, "My laundry." I'm Oh my god. >> Like, did you wear deodorant today? >> Yeah. >> Today we have to fumigate everything. >> Fumigate. It's >> disgusting. Yeah. So, he runs to work. Rain or shine. >> Oh. And then doesn't shower >> and No. And his clo and then runs home and the clothes are there. It's disgusting. But you know when I think about the one thing and I watched a video that you had put out and it was what it was I mean I've watched a handful as I prepared for this but there was this one it was like you know this is the mistake that everyone is making it was you know you don't what was it deserve hold on I have a note here cuz this

59:45>> this was um the one thing that it was oh belief what most people get wrong belief in themselves >> about belief. >> Yeah. >> Oh, the thing that most people get wrong about belief is that it is a >> selfbelief. >> Yeah. Um is that it is a they think it's an input not an output. So they think in order to do something I must have self-belief but you have to do the thing to have the self-belief. So I think it's like everyone's like I'm not ready, I'm not confident, I'm not this,

1:00:18>> I'm not input, >> therefore I can't, you know, do this thing. But it's like it's not the input. It's actually the output of >> what if you fail at it. What if say for example you believe that you can run a business and not you but maybe and then you just can't. Do you think is that a possibility? Is failure a possibility? >> Failure is data. I I I don't understand. I I like actually don't like I do not think failure is a bad thing. I think people have a bad relationship with failure.

1:00:47>> They look at it like it means something about them. They look at it like it's a bad thing. Like every time you fail, >> you are that much closer to success. Like >> I I really do believe that innately in my blood. Like there has been nothing that I have succeeded at that I have not failed at first. >> But how did you get good at that? The way that you are talking and thinking is very it's just very well thought out. you know, it's it is it's a lot of introspection.

1:01:12>> I think it's um being able to be the scientist, not the judge. So, it's like the judge, the internal judge is like, "You suck. You're awful. You're you failed. That's because you are not good at this thing. You are bad at this. You should do that." Like, it's constantly building a narrative around why this failure means something about you. Whereas the scientist is like, "Let me look at all the conditions. Did we do this? Did we do that? Did were we missing information? Did we do this piece wrong? Like it's looking for the evidence to find out why the thing failed. Not building a narrative around why you are the reason why it failed.

1:01:52>> Do you catch yourself in selft talk? Do you think that that's important? >> I do. Um I used to be really really bad at it. like meaning I would be able to do things but I did beat myself up a lot for them. And I think that over time I've been able to catch myself so I don't

1:02:15>> beat myself up over things and I practice like people think that you're just going to have new thoughts. >> You have to practice belief. You have to practice new thoughts. It's not just going to come innately. And so for me it's like how do I practice this belief? I would do these things to reinforce the belief. I would say these things to reinforce the belief. Like I, for example, um I'll give you one example of that. Um I used to be really bad at saying no. And so I always thought that I was like a pushover. People got to walk all over me. I was like a doormat doorstep. Uh, and I finally started saying, "Okay, what would I have to do and how would I have to act to really believe that I was not a person that could be walked all over? Okay, well, I would say no more. I wouldn't apologize for it. I wouldn't overexlain." And I remember when I started doing that, I'd be like, "No, can't do that." It would feel so uncomfortable, but after doing it a few times, I was like, "Wow, I'm the kind of person who says no." And now ask people, they're probably like, "Dude, she's the queen of saying no." Um, my husband's like, "You've been the opposite now."

1:03:24Right? Because you reinforced this belief in the other way. Um, but it wasn't like the feelings and thoughts and belief was there before I did it. I just started doing it and the action reinforced the thoughts and belief. And then eventually I started having the thoughts and beliefs like I am the type of person that is able to say no and hold my boundaries. But it came out of my mouth and and through my actions before it came into my head.

1:03:47and you just interpret the feeling differently. So when you say when you said no the first hund times, probably not 100, 14. >> Yeah. >> You're like, "Oh god, I can't believe I did that." >> Yeah. >> And then maybe you wouldn't have the feeling or you didn't respond the same way to that >> physical sensation. >> 100%. I think that often times it's not that the discomfort, the anxiety is ever going to go away, but we change our relationship to it.

1:04:13>> Do you think it doesn't go away? I think some of it I think you can train a lot of it out, but I think it's not like anybody lives with zero anxiety or discomfort. You know what I mean? Like there's going to be a new stressor situation or something, right? >> And so I just think >> like I might now in a situation where I go to walk on stage instead of being like I'm so terrified, I'd be like I'm so excited. >> I think I've changed my relationship. Like there's going to be adrenaline and cortisol because there's a huge room of people shouting. But I don't look at it like oh it's going to shut me down and I'm going to, you know, fail. I look at it like it's lighting me up and I'm going to have more energy. So, the butterflies are in attack formation.

1:04:46>> Yeah, >> I love it. Yeah. >> Um, what is next on your radar? >> Um, expansion um for my company. So, building a bigger footprint across the country is like super top of mind for me right now for 2026. um in terms of how we're going to expand as a company. I would say second to that is um I have just hired you know uh six executives in the last quarter and so my role is going to change going into 2026. I'm going to, you know, up level and have like a completely new focus just so I'm completely vision strategy um building out like our operating model with our hold co and operating companies and then going with that um I would say like on a personal side is leaning more into I would say um skills that have atrophied as I built out like the very disciplined side of myself. I think I learned a lot about myself this year.

1:05:54>> Um going through like I mean you know I reached out to you I was like dealing with health issues >> and that has >> I don't need to learn a lesson twice. [laughter] >> Smart. >> Um >> pretty smart. >> I recognize like where I can put in systems now to make sure that I can keep going. And so for me it's about like how do I stay in the game? How do I continue to build a life and do a thing that I love and not sacrifice my quality of life along the way? And so I've had a huge focus on health on um building more time and space into my schedule so that I can now do bigger things for the business that are more I would say like uh longer term thinking because it requires that of me now. And I think those two things actually go hand in hand.

1:06:33>> They It sounds like they do. >> Yeah. >> Do you think and I hear this a lot people are always striving to make it. M >> do you feel like you've made it? Um like yes and no. So I would say no from a business standpoint.

1:07:01From a personal standpoint, I don't feel like I've made it, but I am really proud of how far I've come. Do you think you'll ever feel like you've made it? >> No, I don't think we ever do. I think we die feeling like we haven't made it. [laughter] I don't think it goes away. And I think I I try really hard now as in my second business, I made this promise myself. I'm like, I'm going to try really hard to acknowledge my accomplishments and like give myself a pat on the back like you're doing good.

1:07:26I I will continue to do what I do no matter what. Me being nicer to myself doesn't make me go any less hard, but it does make it feel a lot better along the way. I can absolutely attest to that. When you have a family, do you think you'll let your kids go into business? >> I would hope that they come into business and hopefully with me. >> Listen, I'm hoping my kid becomes an astronaut, but I I'll take lots [laughter] of going into business. Laya Hermoszi, thank you so much for coming on the show.

1:07:56>> Oh, thanks for having me. It was awesome. So fun.