Wie man die Richtige fürs Leben findet

0:00How to get a top tier goal. Number one, get in shape. >> Yeah. >> Number two, get rich. >> Number three, don't be a dick. >> Pretty good advice. >> So, the second one, so get in shape. Uh, I highly recommend like the first thing you like strongly strongly strongly recommend for young guys, like for the love of God, get in shape. Uh, it's it'll never be easier. You'll never have more time. I had one of my sales guys who I said, "Dude, I don't see you at the gym." And he said, "You know, I'm just really busy." And I just like looked at him and I was like, "You will never have more time and less responsibility than you do now." So, I kind of used the James Clear thing. I said, "Hey, if you can't make it work now, accept that you're never going to be in shape for the rest of your life."

0:45He was like, >> "Whoa." I was like, "Think about it. >> Rid yourself of the desire." >> Yeah. I was like, "You're just never going to be in shape." He was like, "Well, I mean that." I was like, "Right. So do it or don't, but stop wanting it. And so, uh, back to that point. So, I think that getting in shape just dramatically enhances the the people that you can that you can hang out with. Like, and I I have this belief from humans in general. All humans at ideal body weight and like normal levels of musculature are almost all attractive.

1:12Like, at like a one or zero binary scale of attractive, like almost all humans are just purely physically. And so like just don't have that be a constraint for you. Like don't have it be a negative at the very least. Right. >> Yeah. I've got this limitation and that limitation and another limitation. It's like okay you're just adding another. >> Yeah. I think I think Peterson said something like uh they say they're depressed. He's like well you're living in your mom's basement and you're unemployed. It's like you didn't give yourself a chance. Now if you're in shape, you're rich, you do all these you're you've achieving whatever you've achieved. Doesn't have to be rich but you've achieved whatever you want to achieve. If you're still depressed, then we can talk about it. But until then, you haven't even given yourself a shot.

1:51I can't find girls. Well, are you any of these basic things? No. Well, then do that first. The rich thing is more I mean, obviously for me, um I think uh Professor G. Galloway um said this. It's it's more about the signal that you have the ability to gain resources more than having them. And so like if you think about trust fund kid now there is the element of having money which does for sure there are girls who just want the money but if you compare that to the young hungry guy I don't know if they win in a headto head right and so

2:27>> it's the same reason that the starving artist sleeping on his friend's couch but who's got lots of upside potential is attractive. >> Yeah. >> It's like but he [ __ ] has one guitar and a pair of boots to his name. Like, how is that? Well, yeah, but >> so did Dylan. >> Look at look at the predictors that I'm seeing here. Look at the [ __ ] early onset alarm warnings of something potentially great in this future.

2:50>> Yeah. So, uh, get in shape. Signal that you are ambitious and that you plan on pursuing whatever it is that you're going after. And then finally, it's just don't be a jerk. Like, I'm not saying you have to be like, you know, the world's sweetest whatever, but just don't be a dick. If you do those three things, like you'll be able to get whatever whatever girls you want. >> What does don't be a dick consist of?

3:12Great question. So, it would probably be the behaviors that um so that is a bucketed term for many behaviors underneath of it. Um that basically just decrease the likelihood that a girl would want to continue to fraternize with you. Uh but like you know specifically like and I think that'll also depend on the girl to be real. Um so girls might prefer this. So whatever your target girl is, she probably has a bucket of behaviors. Now that's different than do what she wants. Very different. It's is there something that is non- negative to me that is beneficial to her. Do as many of those things as you can.

3:47>> Mhm. Mhm. It's interesting as well that it probably means you need to ensure that the kind of girl that you want to be with >> Mhm. and the kind of behavior that you want to have around her will often align because those two things might not. You might want to be a really distant I'm just going to work on myself kind of guy, but you might want a very forthcoming, very caring sort of woman and you have really reduced down your mating pool if those two things don't tend to correlate. And I'm going to guess that they don't. If you want a really forthcoming, very caring woman, I'm going to guess that she's going to kind of expect that sort of interaction in reverse. And if you're not prepared to give that, it's like rid yourself of the desire or you're going to have to change your preferences or you're going to have to change your behavior. One of the two worth bringing up early if you are on this like, you know, I would like to find somebody train. This is something that worked exceptionally well. Um, which is I and I think our first or second date, I just said upfront all the non-negotiables that I had. Um, which to be fair, this isn't the like red flags whatever thing. It's just like I work a lot. I will not sacrifice that. If that is a problem, then this will not work and that is okay. I just want to be upfront that these are these are the thing like I work out. I will do that. I'm not going to give that up. I will not give that up for anyone. Um, and so like just stating those things and I would say like because people have this like they want to put on a show, right? They peacock.

5:20they they have to do the mating dance and I have to, you know, present myself in a way that's different than I currently am. But I would say over time, the less you can make the discrepancy between how you're quote acting or performing and who you are at baseline for that person, the better it's going to be long term because they're going to find out eventually. And so they might as well find out upfront and then you can just say triage. >> I've said this a bunch of times, but I went through a breakup at the start of last year was three and a half year relationship and I was like, "Okay, I'm back in the dating world." very different world, very different person, very different environment, so on. Uh, and I did the sort of intellectual equivalent of a [ __ ] test, which was early on I would start sending them psychology today articles and weird Substack posts and stuff just to see, huh, are we going to have it at some point when we next catch up, are we going to have a discussion about this?

6:09Because this is the sort of thing that's interesting to me. And I don't see this going away, at least for a little while. I imagine the next decade of my life and maybe for the rest of my life I'm going to be reading stuff and learning about human nature and I think it's important to me to be able to talk about this with my person. This is really good. So what you just said reminded me of um a speech that uh Horowitz gave Ben Horowitz and he talked about not pursuing your passion um as a career choice. And one of the main arguments that he makes is that your passions will change. He said the things when you're you're really passionate when you're 20 are be the things that you're passionate when you're 40. And to to link that to something that Jeff Bezos talks about, which is when they asked um hey, you know, what do you think the future of Amazon is going to look like? He said, people always want to know what is going to change. He said, I think it's far more valuable to think what is not going to change. And I think that if you're trying to find a mate, you really want to find the fewest common denominators. Like what things will not change about me over a long period of time. If you happen to be in a stint that you're really into fencing or whatever, that may change. And I think that's where like in some ways it lowers the bar for the quote perfect match because trying to find the perfect match today versus that same match 50 years from now virtually impossible. And so if we accept that many of the things that are surface level today are going to disappear on a on a longer time horizon, then there's only going to be the few things that actually matter which are going to be what are what are the behaviors under duress,

7:44>> right? What are the core things about myself and my behavior set that uh I find it unlikely that will change over a long time horizon. >> What are the things that are predictive of the things that end up manifesting? Like what is it that underpins this? What are the foundations? And so I think that if you can and it's probably just a handful of big rocks rather than hundreds of pebbles. And so when when girls have the and guys too, right, have the big list of like the hundred things that I I can never have, it's like you probably should have three that you must and then kind of ignore the rest because that's that's the that's the game.

8:18People who obsess about work life balance are typically mediocre at both. Obsessed people apply their obsession to everything and just call it life. I stand by my statement. >> I mean, have you met anybody who's like, maybe it's genetic, you know, the finding the dent in the can and the like

8:42>> um I mean the first thing that Leila and I did when we got married is that we went through a divorce course cuz we're like well shoot inversion, right? We're like, well, let's just find out all the reasons that people get divorced and let's handle all of those things now. And so we did that as the first thing. >> What are the reasons? >> Money is a big one. Kids are a big one. Um and then a lot of it is actually really tactical preferences. So like when I come home from a long day of work, do I want you to then unload all of your days, you know, woes on me?

9:12Probably not, right? And so for me specifically, and it's being um I mean a lot of it comes down to communication, assuming that you guys liked each other at some point, right? Um and that and rounding up. I call it rounding up, which is like if I said something and there's two ways of taking it, a bad way and a good way. I meant the good way. We're married. I love you. And so having that be kind of the default setting and like Ila has learned a lot of my nuances which I actually only got to learn with her because the thing is is that we're going to have, you know, novel experiences that then become routine.

9:43So, you know, when we work together, there was no me coming home at the end of a long day, but we I mean, we work in the same company now, but we don't like work together during the day. And so very often she's at home and I get back and she learned because I to just give me space >> like I usually just want to be left alone for a minute >> to basically let the dust settle in my head so that I can be, you know, fully present for her. Um, but I could see somebody who didn't know that assuming that if I don't want to talk to you when you get back, you don't love me.

10:17>> Y's a problem. And so it's really just dissecting these issues and saying instead of saying like you hate me or extrapolating this to our relationship forever and always >> just as a preference in behavior and obviously Leila subscribes to the same uh perspective on behavior that I do which has made our relationship so much easier to navigate without the landmines cuz she'll just say what would you prefer I do instead and I say can you do this instead of that and she says sure

10:43>> and that's it. like recently. So, this actually this is super super recent. We went out and had dinner and she said, "Thank you for dinner." Cuz I paid, you know, I paid at the restaurant and I was like, it like really hit me and I was like, I haven't had someone like no one's basically no one thanks me for buying [ __ ] cuz I'm the assumed default guy who pays for [ __ ] But on top of that, Leila and I work together. We make this money together. So, it's almost weird that she would thank me for paying for dinner. So it's not like impolite or weird that she done it. Yeah. It's our money, right?

11:16>> But I was like that meant a lot to me. >> Means a lot to me, too. >> Yeah. And so what she what she's realized is when she if she says I'm proud of you, you're you know, you're awesome. You that was great. Whatever. That means a little bit. Um but for the most part, I'm like, well, I have a whole bunch of things that I could have made better and you just didn't see it. And like here's, you know, I'm thinking about all that stuff, right? But like it means something, but it doesn't mean the most. But when she said thank you, I was like, "Please do this more." Like, and so in like this is this is this week. So this is like very fresh top of mind for me. Like I came home yesterday after the two mega days that I was talking about at the beginning of this. Um and she said, "Thank you for working so hard."

11:58And I was like in and it was just a tiny shift in terms of verbiage. Instead of saying like, "I'm so proud of you." And she said, "Thank you for it allowed me to feel like I was actually serving us by doing what we do." And it basically gave a huge reinforcer on top of my already large existing reinforcers for working. Um, but it's like I'm I'm like a I'm like an appreciation camel. Like I don't need a lot and it can carry me for a long time. >> Um, but she was like and she said the thing that she said at the very beginning of our relationship. She said I'm coachable

12:27>> and and I told you that your your stupid thing. The one superpower that Leila's had uh in our relationship, which I think everybody, you know, could could use, is that the number of times that I have to repeat feedback is zero. >> She is the most responsive person to feedback. >> And maybe it's hyper hyper criticism responder, what you know, whatever it is, but she will immediately

12:51>> change behavior permanently. And it's been one of those, you know, I mean, when we were dating, there was a period of time where I said, "I don't think this is going to work." And she was like, "Why?" I was like, "You're too cold." And then like the next day, she was like, "Okay, what does warm look like?" And I was like, "Well, if you do these things," she was like, "Okay, I'll do that." And so, um, and you know, some people might hear this, >> doing something that makes your mate happy without incurring a cost on you. >> Bingo. If it means if it makes no difference. Now, if it does incur a cost, have the conversation. Okay. Well, this is a trade-off here. And there was a period of time uh she made all of my meals uh for a very long period of time and then like in 2019 uh she came to me and she was like stressed out of her mind. She's like I can run this company or I can make you eat all of my meals.

13:35No, seriously. She was just like and she just said tell me which one you'd prefer. And she was like terrified to have this conversation with me because she was afraid that I would I I say you have to be this and this. And I was like oh no it's a way rarer skill to do what you can do in the business. I was like we can just find someone to cook the food. And she was like, "Oh." I was like, "It's great." I was like, "But this is like this means way more to me." And so just having that like, "Hey, I'll do it. Just I also just like like if you had an employee, not to say that they're the same thing, but like you can't just say keep doing more and more things." At some point there's a priority that has to happen. I have to do this instead of that. And so what things are you willing to trade? And then us being able to openly talk about behavior the way that we do has made this way less emotionally charged. Real quick, I'm going to show you the exact 10 stage road mapap from zero to 100 million plus that less than 1% of companies finish I've now done multiple times. And so I can say with a lot of confidence that these are the stages as headcount increases that you need to get through. And I broke each of these down by eight different functions of the business. What the constraint feels like what are the symptoms of it when you're going through it and then what steps we actually took to graduate.

14:39And we've done this across software, physical products, uh service businesses, brickandmortar, all of this. and it works. And it's my gift to you. It's absolutely free. And so the link's in the description, but you just go acquisition.comroadmap. Just enter your info and it'll spit it right back to you.