Aufhören, sich um die Meinung anderer zu sorgen

0:00When your friends start to say, "You've changed." it's because they don't know how to say, "You've grown." And because they see so few people who have, so it makes sense that they don't have that. So, I see that as a lack of skill, not not malice. Like, it's not that they're bad people. They just don't even know it because so few people do change. Yeah. So, few people do grow. >> Have you seen this image? It's a person whose heart and head are flowers. It's kind of a 2D drawing. It's a bit of a sketch. Okay. And um they say this person with the kind of smaller flower head and heart says, "You've changed." And the person on the other side with this huge blooming thing says, "I should hope so." Yeah.

0:38I haven't seen it, but I see it in my head. Yeah. It's brilliant. I One of my friends, George Mack, told me this 5 years ago, I think. I'm astounded by how many people want to be spectacular in life, but also want to be normal. By being normal, you are, by definition, aiming for average. Normal people get normal results. Exceptional people get exceptional results. You literally can't do what everyone else does and expect to not get what everyone else has got. By doing what everyone else does, you guarantee average results.

1:11Okay. So, this comes down to everything that like business I mean, obviously, I come from the business and investing world. Um like if everyone is jumping onto crypto like, by the time you have all the information to make a perfect decision, it's too late. And by the time you've consensus where everyone's like, "That's a good investment." It probably isn't because it's already been mispriced because it's already like it's already inflated and it's above what its intrinsic value is. And so, like, good investors fundamentally can think for themselves. And it's such an easy thing to say and such a hard thing to do.

1:43And so, it's being able to say, "If I shut myself in a room and I had to come up with a value for something and just use my own mind to come up with what I think this is worth." It's that that answer that you get in a room, in isolation, with no internet connection that you believe in that number more than every single other person's. And most people can't do that. But like that ability and then what happens though is if you really have to believe in that rather than everyone else's, you double check your [ __ ] math.

2:10Because if it is different than everyone else's, you have the op- you like that is what opportunity >> I guess. Right. And it's like and you have the potential to make a shitload of money or lose a ton of money because you didn't check your math. And so the more I've been reinforced for thinking independently and in the beginning it's on small things and then you just continue to reinforce that cycle of "Huh, I came to this conclusion on my own. It seems different than everyone else's, but I think I think my thing makes sense. So I'm going to do that."

2:36How would you advise someone to overcome that regression to the mean, that pull to not make waves, to not be heterodox or non-typical when it comes to that decision-making? Cuz it's hard. You're talking about this internal conflict versus external conflict. How do you make the internal conflict more important than the external conflict? For me, I was more miserable trying to make everyone else happy than I am now with everyone else unhappy with me.

3:08And so I think like from the social group I had before I quit my job before going all the way like ground zero to today, I talk to no one from that time in my life compared to today. And I was absolutely miserable and unhappy and unfulfilled. And I would say that the majority of those people probably don't like me today because I changed, I didn't do what I was supposed to do. He thinks he's so fancy now, etc. etc. And I think I'm just okay with that. And so I think coming to terms with the idea that I could be absolutely rejected by everyone I know, but like me, I was more okay with that because the alternative was I didn't want to live anymore. And so obviously there is degrees and there's continuums and there's stages of where people are with that. But as that being the taken to its logical extreme, would I rather live for them than to live for me, I would rather be hated by everyone than like myself.

4:03There's a degree of honesty is the right word, but it's also too simple. Like being completely 100% truthful with yourself. If that's the way that this is why I told you about the motocross the rallycross a thing that me and my housemate love. Okay, so you know like Colin McRae, these guys that drive four-wheel there's the dude in the the co-pilot seat and it's five left bends all that [ __ ] These guys that go to go and watch this are in the middle of some [ __ ] wood in Asia, right? In Scotland and it's pissing wet and it's November and they've got a poncho on and they get to drive for however long to get to this place. You can even see thinking about it the hairs on my arms are standing up.

4:49This is how [ __ ] dope it is. So these guys are there and they see some dude in overcast rain, freezing cold, soaking wet go and then they turn to the turn to all of their boys AND THEY'RE LIKE WATCHING someone who loves anything with that much purity fires me up. It fires me up. Like we love watching we don't watch it for what the cars are doing. We watch it for what it does to the spectators and that degree of like just unencumbered passion. Yeah.

5:23Not being apologetic. Like they've probably they're probably wearing comfy [ __ ] They're not wearing cowboy boots. You know what I mean? No one they look like a like a large condom in this poncho. Do they care? They don't care and that's purity. Yeah. That's truthfulness and and honesty and really like what what are you hoping to be able to look back on your life, or for people to say after you're gone, "If you don't do that, he was such a good guy, and he never rocked the boat."

5:57Yeah. "He was such a good guy, and he always conformed to our expectations. He was such a good guy, and he was so predictable." Right. >> Like people think, and I did throughout a lot of my 20s, I thought that what people wanted from me was someone that they could easily predict. But I realized when I thought about the people that I loved in my life, I didn't love them because of how predictable they were. Yeah.

6:27I loved them because of how unapologetically themselves they were. Mhm. I have a friend who nearly ended a relationship that he's still with, who he the the love of his life, who's probably going to end up marrying, because he refused to not sleep on the floor for 6 months as part of a Alex Becker's doing at the moment. Like he's like, "Sleeping on the floor seems to be like a pretty dialed idea." And she's like, "I'm not sleeping on the floor." "Well, I am." So So they didn't sleep together for like, you know, for a like a long time.

6:54>> Yeah. Like that's Those are the people that you love. And those are the people that you can because they pay such a high price to do that, Yeah. you can be very reliable at presuming that they mean what they're saying. Mhm. Because if they didn't really mean what they're saying, they would conform, they would take an easier path.

7:18I love all of that. My I was trying to kind of consolidate it for for myself and the listeners. For me, it it just it comes down to truly valuing your opinion of yourself more than other people's opinion of you. And it's it's just it's an easy thing to say, and it's incredibly hard to do, because that means that if you disagree with everyone else in the room, there's this meme that I love. and know if you've seen it. There's this little cartoon of this one little guy and then there's like an ocean of people that way and it just says, "Yes, you're all wrong."

7:54>> [laughter] >> And I just like I feel like that meme I my Derek Cashy my my uh brother and editor in the books in the battle against nihilism and and towards truth, um we send that meme back and forth to one another when we're like, "Yes, everyone is wrong about this word. Like we are right." And I think it's just being willing to like but the only way you can believe in a thing or an idea or even yourself is because you have the evidence behind you that supports that your belief isn't full of [ __ ] So that when you're in that room and you come up with that one number and you say, "I think everyone's wrong. I think this is actually what it's worth."

8:30You're not just making it up to to say you believe something different. You actually have proof and evidence that you're not full of [ __ ] And I think that's the work is like I did a I looked into a lot of the stuff on the on the floor sleeping. I think it it checks out. I'm going to do it. I think everyone else is wrong. I think everyone else is wrong. And everyone's like, "You're an idiot." And you're like, "I think you're wrong." And that's okay. You know what I mean? And and it's just most people can't do that. Just the idea of being weird is too much.

9:01Like just like Did you ever see Did you ever um this is quite old now. It's at least a decade old. I think it's called 50 days of rejection or 100 days of rejection. >> I love it already. So it's a it's a a series of experiments that you do every day for 100 days. There's a different one each day and one of them is ask for a free coffee when you go to Starbucks. >> Oh, I love it. Just say, "Hey, can I have this for free?" Yeah. And it's I don't know whether it escalates over time, but there's like weird stuff things that you do to people in public things that blah blah blah and it's trying to overcome that like it sort of it's in your throat, you know, when you feel that and your teeth cheeks get flushed and everything kind of gets hot you get embarrassed around here. Yeah, it's that embarrassment.

9:42It's that shame. It's that well, what if they think Yeah. What? Yeah. What if they think what? >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> So, yeah, I I would someone should redo that. It's like a decade old now, but someone should redo I think it's certain it's called 100 Days of Rejection. >> idea. That would be a great YouTube idea to do 100 100 Days of Rejection or whatever it is. Um All right, next one. I I I I just want to like I promise you if you can actually go through 100 Days of Rejection, your life will change because you will realize that at the end of the 100 Days you're still alive and nothing changed.

10:16>> I'm going to die. Yeah. >> That's the fear. The fear is I'm going to ask for the coffee and they're going to say no and then everyone's going to laugh at me and then I'm going to be alone and then I'm going to be unsheltered and then I'll be dead. Yeah. It's catastrophized to death. We all do it. And so, I mean, obviously I come from a sales background, so getting people to say no to me is something that I'm now >> asked drunken Newcastle girls where they're going tonight, darling, for a decade and a half on the street trying to give out wristbands for a free entry to a a club night no one wants to go to, you you get good at rejection as well.

10:46That's what I think I I honestly think that everyone is always going to campaign for the thing that they did, right? You're always going to say something along the lines of I think people can learn a lot from sales and I'm always going to say I think people can learn a lot from being in club promo. But [laughter] like honestly, dude, the the insight that you get into human nature from doing that, from seeing what do people object to and why do they object in that way and what happens if someone like gets physical with you because you've tried to do it and you go, oh, well, I wasn't in the wrong, so de-escalating this should actually be quite easy and I can have faith that everyone's going to see me as the right guy even if somebody else took objection with what I was doing. So, yeah, long story short, become a club promoter.

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