Ein Denkrahmen für Alltagsprobleme und Sorgen

0:00you know, if you zoom out far enough, you realize that you can't even see the Earth. And so, when I'm really upset about like Wi-Fi or something, I'm like, "Okay, maybe this isn't as big of a deal, you know, and if you if you go back uh you know, let's go back 20 years, like what thing really bothered me 20 years ago." I probably can't even tell you what really bothered me 20 years ago. And so, I can probably expect that what's bothering me today, I'll feel the same way 20 years from now. And so, if it's not going to matter then, it probably shouldn't matter now. [snorts] And a different frame would be like, okay, well, look at the ancient accents.

0:30And when I say that, I mean like the Romans, the Babylonians, the Sumerianss, and in 5,000 years, we will be the ancient Americans. Um, and we'll look back on this and we probably won't remember maybe even just the leaders names, let alone the day-to-day strife that we deal with. And again, if it's not going to matter then, then it's not going to matter now or shouldn't matter now. Um, another one is the frame of the veteran, which I like a lot, which I got from Dr. which is imagine whatever this bad circumstance is happening once a day m sorry m once an hour every day for the next year. Okay, so that's you know let's say it's 12 times a day times 365 a lot of times right?

1:09What how would you feel on the 2,000th time of that happening? Well by that point if you really thought about it you'd be like well this is pro you'd probably just be like well this is just how this is. This is how life is. and then you wouldn't be upset by it because you just adjusted your expectations. Which meant if I could change my expectations on my 2,000th time of my maids putting the spoons in the wrong drawer, then I can readjust. And I say that it's somewhat tongue and cheek, but you can replace that with whatever. You know what I mean? With somebody double parking you with your boss being short with you. Like if your boss was always short with you once an hour every hour of every day in a year, it wouldn't upset you because you would expect that.

1:45And so a lot of the like the angst that we experience, the anxiety, the sadness, the anger, whatever it is, it comes from the fact that our expectations are unmet. And so either we can demand that an uncaring universe changes to meet us, or we can change our expectations. Um, and I think that if it's you versus the universe, unlike what most of the Americana propaganda will put out, the universe will win. And so I think that that is one where you surrender to reality through acceptance and you say like this is period and it's not good or bad which is probably the sixth frame which is that we have this situation let's say the spoons one because it's ridiculous right where I say I have this problem right and so one of my favorite ways to solve a problem is to stop defining it as a problem to begin with [laughter] and so uh it's it's the least effortful way to actually solve stuff is like, is this really a problem? What if this was good? And here's a weird one is that most short-term problems are actually long-term benefits. So, think about this. It's like you've probably heard the story of the the man and the the the boy and the horse. So, you know, kid kid uh kid gets a horse, everyone says this is amazing. Kid falls off the horse. People are like, "Oh, that's terrible cuz he broke his foot." And then army comes to recruit but he can't go to to the war because his his foot was broken. People said that was amazing. And so like you keep going through this cycle and that it's only within the time period that you measure.

3:17But over a long period of time we don't know whether the thing was quote good or bad. And if we don't know if something's going to be good or bad, then why even bother ascribing a label to it? Because the only thing we actually know is that it happened. And so I see it a lot like the weather where you say like people will ascribe a situation like sunny days or rainy days and they say sunny days like they're good days and rainy days like they're bad days. But if you're in a drought, rainy day comes from heaven and and another sunny day comes from hell.

3:43>> And on the flip side, if you have a wedding the next day, a rainy day sounds horrible and a sunny day sounds amazing. And the crazy thing is that there's two people praying for the same thing at the same time. One's going to be upset and the other person isn't. And I remember when early, you know, dealings with Christianity and I was thinking about just having a God. I remember praying for good weather because I had some outdoor event and then I thought to myself, man, there's a farmer who's really praying for rain right now. And I was like, maybe this is flawed. Not to say that praying in general is flawed, but just that construct of this it being my way is therefore good. Mhm.

4:19>> And I think getting used to not getting my way, and saying that that's okay has been one of the big psychological hacks that I've had in my life that have decreased my anxiety levels and my anger levels around responding to stimuli that I wouldn't at the onset say was what I wanted because I might not know. And maybe today's rainy day is tomorrow's sunny day. And maybe sun is neither good nor bad. It just is.

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