"Are You Happy?"

0:00I was having this thought that I thought I would share with you, which is a lot of So, some of the the people Many of the people who who stop me in the streets, they're like, "I love the business stuff, but the things that really helped me out the most have been some of the, you know, life view stuff." And this is something that I've struggled a lot with sharing, mostly because I have pretty like wild views, I think, compared to most. And it's also the thing that I get the most heat for. So, it's kind of one of these double-edged swords where it's like it's the thing that helps the most people the most, but it's also the thing that I get Um basically, it adds overhead to my life for not any specific benefit for me. Um but this was one that I thought was worth the cost, and so I figured I would share it with you. So, I've been thinking a lot about like happiness um versus joy and pleasure and things like that.

0:42And one of the difficulties with um happiness is kind of like defining it, right? If you talk to a bunch of different people, they'll give you different definitions. And I'm not going to go into a behavioral definition, but I want to give you a real world thing that I think has been helpful for me. And so, if we think um it's hard to say what, you know, what does a happy person look like? Um besides like, yeah, like they smile or they have a good tone. But then, so many people who see someone who like commit suicide, they're like, "I can't believe that. Like, they seemed so happy." So, it beats us. Like, were they really happy? Or are those just physical appearances that people portray uh when they are sad or it's independent of how they feel inside?

1:16And so then I thought, "Okay, well, what is a What is a a measure that we are confident in that is the opposite of that?" Well, can we recognize people who are unhappy? Yes. So, people who want to, you know, uh kill themselves are typically not happy. And so, Hopefully, that's I I you know, people don't like talking about death. Um I think that that's like Hopefully, we can agree on that. Like, people who choose to take their own lives are usually not happy. So, I was thinking about this, and I was like, "Okay, so this one is much easier to find than happy." And I was like, "All right.

1:47Well, then what is the opposite of not wanting to kill yourself?" And so, I thought, "Okay, well, then how badly do you want to not die?" Said differently, how how much do you want to live? Um which you could also measure in terms of your aversion to death. So, on 10 out of 10, you're like, I hope, you know, I'm I'm actively planning to take my own life. And then steps above that, you're like, if I die tomorrow, I won't be upset about it. And I'm I'm walking you through this because like, I know this is stuff that people don't like talking about. Um and maybe I shouldn't talk about this, but I'm just telling you stuff that has helped me and it's like actually given me a really good internal barometer. Um and I would say that the lowest point I personally have ever gotten is like, if I wake up to like wake up tomorrow, I won't I don't wake up tomorrow, I won't care. Um which is like in my most down times. I was like, it just felt like the pressure of the world was just like, it felt like it was too much. Obviously, it wasn't true, but it was like a lie that, you know, I told myself in that time period. Um but I was like, if I don't wake up tomorrow or sometimes you're driving, you're like, I could just go in this other lane, right? Like, you have some of these thoughts that are not as positive as you'd want them to be. Um and I think someone recently asked me like, are you happy? And I think the answer that I had at the time was like, I am the most averse to dying that I've ever been. Um I really would like to remain living. Um I very strongly want to stay alive. Um and I see that. I was like, okay, well, if we know what unhappy is and maybe the opposite of that is definitely wanting to be alive, then it might give us a more uh simple way to measure ourselves. And I say this because I think we all on some level understand that pleasure is fleeting, joy, uh you know, like you know, being happy momentarily, you know, you win the lottery. I'm just making that up. But like, you know, you get a hug from somebody, whatever it is.

3:32Like, you you have these moments uh that are nice, but um what is interesting is that when we look at subjective well-being or happiness across different uh populations across the world, um people actually across different cultures define happiness differently. So, some of the countries where people have the highest ratings for happiness just actually define it differently. So, it's more just like satisfaction and contentedness more than it is uh uh like gleeful. And so, um in all of these different versions of happiness, I have used this I'm using this new razor of how badly do I want to live?

4:07as a 1 to 10 simple scale for me. So, I'm uh 10 out of 10, you are actively trying not to live tomorrow versus 10 out of 10, you're trying to actively stay alive as much as you can. Um and I think when you try to solve for that, it actually makes solving it far more concrete. So, I said differently, like what are all of the things or contingencies that I could install in my environment that would make it so that I want to live tomorrow. Is there work that I find interesting? Are there people that if I were to die like if I if I that I wouldn't be able to see tomorrow that I want to see. And so, it's really trying to install these different contingencies in your life that then make you want to get to tomorrow and maybe the next week or the next month or the next year. And this is where I think sometimes having, to be fair, work gets a lot of poopoo, but I think having meaningful projects that you get to work on for extended periods of time because they make an impact that you find meaningful, um are really, really helpful endeavors in terms of like jacking up that that rating, that score of going from call it -10 to +10 um on that. And so, I know this is a little bit heavy uh heady, excuse me. Um and maybe a little bit deeper than some of my normal business stuff, but if we're being real, um I think the I think most entrepreneurs struggle with the other stuff, not necessarily the tactics. I mean, the tactics are great. I'm happy to talk about them.

5:28Um but it's the between the tactics, it's between the moments, it's when you're at home at night and you're everyone else is asleep and you're just looking up at the you know, the ceiling or you're closing your eyes and you're like, you know, or you get back home or you're sitting in the driveway of the you know, when you when you park your car before you go inside for that that quick moment where you're like, man, that was a that was a lot. And there has to be some level of worthiness in tomorrow for you to look forward to going through the onslaught again. And so I think that for those of you who wanted a different definition, that is one that is that I'm I'm working on that has been really helpful for me.

6:01If your definition is working for you, love that for you. Keep rocking. But this is one that I've been really thinking about. I'll be honest with you, the fact that I have a son that's coming has increased my quotient for wanting to stay alive. And so I went from already really wanting to stay alive to wanting to stay alive even more. So plus one for for kids category before kids have even shown up. So hopefully that I don't know. Hopefully that provides something for you. And then I think if you like this video and you're business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I just spilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million and three businesses past 100 million into a completely free scaling road map that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so you can click here and you can check it out.

6:44Again, absolutely free. And since you're business owner, appreciate you and enjoy.