What Makes Men Fall in Love (It's Not Looks)

0:00You once quoted Idris Elba, yeah, saying men fall in love with what they see, women fall in love with what they hear, which is why women wear makeup and men lie. >> Mhm. >> What do you think makes a man feel addicted to a woman? Like what's the one behavior that makes men fall in love with women that has nothing to do with looks?

0:24>> So, if we define respect as allowing someone to maintain their original function or basically you reinforce them for being who they are. So, like someone comes into your house, let's say you normally ask people to take their shoes off, but it's an old man. You show him respect by just saying like, you're good, man. You show deference. You basically reinforce them for doing what they're already doing, right? And so, I think that um men in general, I think they've done surveys on this, but like more men would rather be respected than loved if they had to pick one. More women would rather be loved than respected if they had to pick one.

1:04It's like 70/30 either way. Um which is kind of interesting. And so, I think that um it's not one thing, but it's more an outcome. It's more these set of behaviors that show respect. >> Something you said as well on this uh if you want to add any part of it was you said was making him feel important as well is the number one love drug, something like that. Um what are the behaviors specific that you would guess would be within the

1:31>> respect as a lot like that. You know what I mean? Like if if if someone shows you deference, like they're saying that your your ways of behaving supersede the rules of the establishment or the rules of your personal preferences. You basically take their preferences over yours, which in a different way of saying like they become more important, right? Um but that is functionally what happens, which is like someone comes in, let's say they're tired after a day of work, rather than like unload all your [ __ ] on them, you would allow them to maintain their current state and reinforce them for doing that. What else can I get you?

2:02And like And again, this is not like a subservient type thing. It's more that like I think that that is what a lot of men crave. Now, to be clear, I think you have to also earn that. And so that's the that's the trade. I also think that there are times when cuz it this goes both ways, right? Like if you have unconditional love, I think you also need to have unconditional respect. Now, people get weird about that, but I think that like if we show up both ways, right? Now, it would be less popular in current society to say like, is there ever a time that a a a a woman or man does not deserve love? Now, deserve becomes a hard word. It's like, do we deserve it just because we live?

2:37Because we breathe? Because we exist? I don't know. Um I I maintain zero of these premises, but I just say only that that that if we take it to its natural end, it would look that way. Um I think that a lot of relationships do come down to um do you serve the other person and do you allow them to do you maximize the likelihood that they hit their goals? So, I see support as minimizing the likelihood of failure. So, someone supports you, which also means it has nothing to do with intentions. Someone can have bad intentions and support you.

3:06If they do things that it's like you like the people who hate on you, right? If they tell their audiences that they spend all this time working for about you, a percentage greater than zero will find you and like you. And so they promote you. What a gift. Right? And so they support you. >> [laughter] >> They minimize your likelihood of failure. And so you just have all these people who just advertise you. >> Yeah.

3:33>> For free. Which is crazy. It's amazing. So, anyways. Um if we see support as mi- minimizing the likelihood of failure, um and from a behavioral perspective, like I think you know, I'll I'll just instead of saying most men, I'll just say me. Um I value Leila as a woman. I know I value Leila as a partner. And I value And she has different behaviors that she does in both those settings, cuz she's also my business partner. And so, we have almost these parallel tracks, and no one really sees like our married life much at all. Um but our business life is just us being business partners, and we have a very good cadence on how we, you know, communicate about business.

4:13Um and we have lanes where I'm like, this is your call. Like, you know this better than I do. And there's other things that she's like, this is obviously your call. Like, what do you think? And we might weigh in on each other. On On a normal marriage setting, um I would say Leila and I have far more traditional gender roles. Um and I think part of that is like both of us, you know, luckily came from same Middle Eastern background. And so, um even though we're both born in the US, we're both first generation. And so, we've adopted a lot of I'd say like very traditional views from that perspective.

4:41Um and so, it's you know, it's a lot of small things. Like, Leila still likes making me dinner. Like, Leila still you know, she'll you know, rub my back when I'm stressed. She'll you know, she'll It's little things. Like, she'll clear plates or she'll just say like, "Hey, I'm on my way to whatever. Do you want a drink or something?" Like, it's just very small stuff. Um besides like taking care of all the details of everything. Besides that stuff. Um but I think above all else, so this is your one thing. Um I think every man So, now I'm going to go back to generalizing. I think every man wants a woman who believes in them even more than they believe in themselves.

5:24And I think it's having someone who on your worst day is still like, "You [ __ ] got this." You know? It's like, you're Jack [ __ ] Neil. You got this. And it's like, if your wife, the person that you care and respect. The thing is it's like, this is where it's tough, because I think there's a lot of men who are married to women they don't respect. They love them, but they don't respect them. And and that's their prerogative. You can do whatever you want.

5:49That type of statement means a lot less from somebody you don't respect. But when the person you you are married to is somebody that you actually respect, when they say you [ __ ] got this, it means a lot more. And so I think like I think at least Layla and I have a balance of love and respect both ways, and I think that it benefits both of us because it also goes back the other way where if I'm like, "You're Layla [ __ ] Ali."

6:13You got this. Like I'm not at all. Right. And so I think that if we if we see marriage as a partnership, then it's do we have aligned goals? Cuz I think there there are unpopular, you know, um let's take marriage out of it cuz there's a lot of taboos. Take a business partnership. There's a lot of reasons that I think people wrongfully end business partnerships. There are few that are the right reasons. One of them is that we want different things.

6:42It's very hard to optimize a machine around two different outcomes. If one of you wants to go and change the world and the other one doesn't want to leave the house, you will both compromise and both be probably pretty miserable. Um again, that's choice. You can do that, but I would say that would be a reason to I I would back to marriage. But like uh in a in a general business partnership, then that would be one where I'd say like this probably this partnership shouldn't exist because we actually both are not supporting the other person's goals. We're maximizing likelihood of failure. Um but if we have aligned outcomes that we want, and then underneath of that, we believe in this way of doing things. These behaviors is how we want to achieve this outcome, then the likelihood of conflict is significantly lower and the likelihood that the person can support the other when they uh deviate from the pattern of behavior that we've said is the pattern that we want to espouse or that we want to live by, then you basically have two guardrails on the bowling ball going towards the pins. If you only have one person that's holding it up, you only have it on one side, and then maybe it shoots off the other. But if both of you have a guardrail and you have an outcome, all you got to do is roll the ball and if the guardrails are tight enough, you knock them down every time.

7:46And I think that is what a good marriage looks like. >> If you like this video and you're a business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million and three businesses past 100 million into a completely free scaling roadmap that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so you can click here and you can check it out. Again, absolutely free and since you're a business owner, I appreciate you and enjoy.