A Total Dweeb in Real Life, a God in Call of Duty

0:00I think that the best way to have status is be confident. And I think the best way to be confident is to have proof. And so, it makes sense that you're not confident if you don't have proof of why you should be confident. That means that you're not delusional. And I think that that's a good thing. I think having an accurate representation of where your standing is is not bad. And so, I think that that gives you awareness to improve your relative standing by like working hard and stacking that proof. So that when you do walk into a room, you can say, "This is what I have done. And so, I don't need to beat my chest and have bravado and charisma. I can just say like here are the facts, and you can choose to make whatever decision you want off that." But I'll just present to you what is. And the thing is is when you present what is, there's no one who can refute that. And then I think that's always the position I prefer to be in. I was having a a relatively heated conversation the other day, and um I I I basically was like, "I don't really know what you choose to believe about me." I was like, "But like here is the evidence that I have." I was like, "So, you can do what you want with that." I was like, "But you can't deny that it has happened." [music] And so, I think that the hardest person to convince is yourself when you're starting out. And like for me, I definitely have for sure been more insecure driven than like passion driven, especially in the earlier days. And so, if you have a lot of negative self-talk, you want to give yourself irrefutable proof that you have done the type of work that the type of person you want to become does. And I think that was like a really big key in kind of like solidifying my identity was basing it on the things that are facts.

1:17And then like that's it. Like no one I can't refute them. No one else can refute them. Am I good at sales? No idea. I have done this many of them. So, I would believe that I've done more sales than other people have. I can state that, right? And so, like trying to stack these bricks that no one could refute gave me a little like house of an identity that I could build confidence off of. [music] But it was based in reality. And I think that's that's why I hate the whole fake it till you make it thing because the big disconnect that people have is when they hear me talk about the stuff. They're like, "But I haven't done anything yet." Everybody's done stuff. You've been alive for your whole life, right? It's just that like the how you extrapolate the skill or the trait or the ability that you chunk up one and then transfer it down. So, So like, "Okay, I've never sold before, but what have I done? I was able to ask girls to go out on dates. Okay, like you're able to approach strangers when there's high stakes, chunk up, and then chunk back down into sales. And then telling yourself and reminding yourself of the situations a fact that you've done something similar in nature to the new thing you want to do is basically how you transfer the confidence from specific [music] to general over time.

2:16And so over time, if you've done that transference and acquired new and new skills, then you can level up and say, I am good at acquiring skills quickly because I have done it many times. Right? And so like the more generally you can apply that, I think the more general confidence you have. [music] Whereas many people, and rightfully so, have more like specific confidence as in like, I'm really good at video games. Like you could see a guy who's a complete dweeb, can't talk to people, can't whatever, but like you put him in Call of Duty and all of a sudden he acts like a [ __ ] god, right? And he has like the biggest ego and whatever. Now mind you, he probably needs to fix that, but like people have domain-specific expertise and domain-specific confidence. And so I think the idea is, how do I transfer that domain-specific confidence to general confidence to multiple situations? Which is you do step-by-step. You take that, you know what? I was able to work hard at video games in terms of what I did there. I spent 5 hours a day for 3 years playing Call of Duty. I'll bet you if I spent 5 hours a day for 3 years doing this, [music] that I would be as good at this as I am at Call of Duty. Oh, so now I have a reasonable way to transfer what I did to a new skill. And so the more times you make that transfer, the more generalized your skill set becomes, and I think that then becomes the internal confidence where you can say like, I feel confident that I can learn this thing, do this thing [music] because of what I have done.

3:25>> So that's like clearly where you stand now. When did that shift take place [music] from like survival mode, if that was the stuff you're doing, to like zooming out and realizing that was like the framework? >> Mhm. I think it was just introspection of like, why am I confident at these things and not confident at these other things? And then I would always have the answer. I'm like, well, I've done that a lot. I'm like, huh, well, maybe if I do a lot of other stuff a lot, I'll be confident those things, too. And then if I wasn't confident in something, then I would think, well, I'll bet you, that's why I have these simple things like, well, if you do more of it, you will suck less. I love the Chinese proverb, which is everything must be hard before it can be easy. And framing a lot of social situations as skills, even character traits as skills. How is someone patient? Well, they do this thing, which means that if I present someone with a similar condition over and over again, and then they change their behavior, then they have become patient, which means that a trait is a skill, which means it can be learned.

4:11And so, if I want to acquire skill or a trait, I have to look at what I have to do in a certain situation, and then repeat that enough times that I can say, "Hey, you know what? In these types of situations, I tend to act this way." Which means that I believe not am I patient or not, that I'm pretty patient. And the longer I continue to act that way, the more I more patient I can say I am, and have proof [music] that I am because of what I've done, not because of what I said. >> Is there anything that doesn't fit within that? >> Fundamentally, everything is human behavior in response to conditions. And so, if there's anything skill or trait-based, trait, which is really just like [music] a more generalized skill that applies to more situations, it's just stimulus-response. And so, if we want to have a different response or basket of responses, then we need to train that response with repeated exposure to the same stimulus. So, it's like if you want to be good at sales, then you you get into situations where selling happens, and you do it over and over again, and you train the outcome that you want. And if you're like, well, I've never had confidence in that, again, you chunk down and think, okay, well, what else what else have I done that's similar to this that I can transfer over? Like, this is where you get into the woo-woo of like telling yourself the story, but it's really just giving yourself the proof of what you've already done and how that applies to today. And then that's why it's always just leveling up from the things you've done in the past. So, it's like, okay, well, I've built a company to a hundred million before, so how do I build one to a billion? Do I know I can build it to a billion? I'm confident I can because I haven't done it yet, but I have evidence that I've done this. And so, I think it's reasonable to believe that if I do this for five times the length of time, that I could build that. Okay, then that feels like a reasonable bet. And I think that when I'm 70, I'll be more confident than I am now. And confident, said differently, is just secure in who I am.

5:43And so, I think I'm significantly more secure now than I was when I was 20. And it's [music] because A, I have fewer things to prove to other people because I have proven more of them to myself. [music] And so I think that there's this great quote by Epictetus. I love. I'm going to read it cuz it's really good. You compromise your integrity when you seek outside approval. Be satisfied that you live up to your rational principles. Be your own witness if you need one. You don't need any more witnesses than that. If you need someone else to be your witness, it means that you sacrifice your own integrity. Cuz you're saying, why can't you have enough integrity to be your own witness of whatever the thing is? Why do I need someone else's approval? Cuz they would not have nearly the context I have cuz I lived it. So if you're like, I am this way and someone says, "No, you're not." There's a degree where what evidence do they have? What evidence do you have? And you should always have more evidence than them. And so like your opinion of you should always have the highest standing. But inversely, most times it doesn't. And so I think a lot of the path of like building confidence is simply over time valuing your opinion more than other people's. Like the shoes I wear look probably not fashionable. How much do I care what other people think about the clothing that I wear that they have they're not wearing it. Why do they care what I wear? This is great for heat. I don't sweat as much. They're waterproof.

6:47I can go to a water park and then I can go to a restaurant and I can work out all in the same thing. Minimizes the drag on my life. Like, cool. Some people like, "That looks really weird." I'm like, "Cool, then don't wear it. Wear whatever you want to wear. I don't care what you wear." Like what weight does their opinion have on my life at all? Besides that they have one. Early days people are like, "I would never live my life like you live your life." And I'm like, "Good. Why are you sharing that with me?" Like a lot of times people just make noise with their faces and it does it has no impact on your life. Like I'm going to change my behavior in no way. Which if people say things to you and you don't like what they're saying, question is is there elements of truth to what they're saying? If there is, fix it. If there isn't, then learn nothing from it. Because some like some learning is the wrong learning. You're like you're you're taking the wrong lesson from your mom who says you should stay home. Should I? I don't know. If I change my behavior, it means I learned from what she said in one way or another. Now if I might I might learn and then rebel more, right? Um but just thinking through that. And I think the biggest thing with at least for me has just been continuing to try and value my own opinion more than a fictitious or arbitrary third party that doesn't even exist. And usually it's one to three voices that I play over and over again in my head, and those people don't even know that I'm playing their voice in my head. And then wondering and asking myself, do I want this fictitious version of this person's voice to be the main thing that directs my life? That gives a lot of power to this person. And then I ask myself, do I want that person to have power over my life? And then usually the answer is no. And I'm like, who would I prefer to have power over my life? And then usually it's me. And so then it continues like brick by brick continue to build the identity of of the type of man I want to listen to and try and act in accordance with what I think that guy would do. And then if I have enough evidence, eventually the idea of who I want to be and who I am start merging and eventually they're the same person.

8:28I do not as many and they're quieter. Like they're there, but they're not like they don't hit me as hard. They don't weigh down as much. And I think I'm more aware of them. I'm like, huh, that makes me think this. Again, I go through the same exercise of like, does that person really think that? A. Do I really care [music] what they think? B. Do I want to give that person the same power over my life that I give to myself? No. Okay. So it's like these bombs that I've gotten faster and faster diffusing so I can keep living the life that I want to live. I think one last thing is like I think I think about like I think about this a lot, which is like 85-year-old version of me. Right? I mean, I think about a lot of frames a lot. One of them is that none of it's going to matter, but the other frame is like 85-year-old me doesn't care about a lot of [ __ ] [music] And so I'm like, man, if that guy cannot care about a lot of [ __ ] and it's the same person, why can't I just start living that way now? Old people don't give a [ __ ] if they're wearing [ __ ] comfortable sneakers. Like at what point did they go from like, you know what? I'm going to wear these fashiony whatever things to I'm going to wear these New Balances, [laughter] right? Like where where does that happen? And I think there's degrees of like just being okay with you that allows people to make that shift.

9:28There's good old people and there's nasty old people, but like I think a like I would like to be a nice old person. And I think that they're really like jolly and easy-going and I think self-accepting. [music] I think about that guy all the time. And when I have these stressors or I have these insecurities, I think like, what would that guy think right now? And that guy usually has very good answers. Which is kind of weird, because it means that you have these answers inside of yourself, but you just choose not to listen to them. And so, I think it's just making that that voice louder, while you make the other voices quieter. [music] And thinking, do I care about my 85-year-old self's opinion of me, or the fictitious opinion of this rival that I have right now? And then, always remembering that the person with the longest time horizon wins. Cuz there are people who are ahead of me now, who on a longer time horizon, it doesn't matter.

10:09And then, on the longest time horizon, none of it matters. But, that that that has helped me decrease the pressure in my life, which I think has allowed me to make better decisions, which I think ultimately, you know, allows me to do the things more of the things that I want to do, rather than more of the things that I think other people want me to do. If you like this video and you're business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million, and three businesses past 100 million, into a completely free scaling road map that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so, you can click here and you can check it out.

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