How Do You Actually Deal With Rage?

0:00How do you deal with rage? >> Um, man, I would say, >> did you ever have it? >> Yeah, for sure. I would say that my core emotion is anger. [laughter] >> It's like, oh, actually, [laughter] >> never see somebody so casually. >> That's my main emotion. [laughter] >> I say I think my uh natural place is murder. I uh [laughter] I rest in in deep blood of my enemies,

0:28>> bro. You said that [laughter] like a hitman, [ __ ] Like a hitman. That was terrifying. And And I want you to elaborate that. What do you mean? What do you What What do you mean? Cuz you don't come off like that at all. You come off like a monk. You're so calm, cool. >> Certainly not. Certainly not. Um >> we see him on the road. >> Oh, jeez Louise. That guy really isn't. >> No, I um No, I mean I I have an ego. You know what I mean? And um

0:56>> I don't want to say it. >> Yeah, you know, I [laughter] know. We all know. >> I'm just kidding. I forgot that you live in anger, bro. [laughter] >> Let me pull back my jokes. >> Soaked, right? Soaked in anger. Um, no. I mean, I like I think that Leila and I talk about this a lot that I think often times uh even in in married couples, there's people like people have a proclivity like what is your what is your first instinctual or from my perspective trained reaction to something? And so anger is a really interesting emotion um because you learn it because it both gets you what you want um and gets bad things away from you.

1:32And so it's both an avoidance strategy and also a coercion strategy. And so there's a reason that I think there are some emotions that are more useful than others. Sadness typically doesn't lead to success >> because sadness typically there's you don't take a lot of action when you're depressed. action. When you're angry, take lots of action, right? >> Big fuel. >> Yeah. Big fuel. Um, and so I I've thought a lot about anger because it's probably the one like Ila for example, she's an anxious person. So she she worries. She gets ner she double checks, she triple checks, she quadruple checks, she just that's that's her that's her proclivity. She acts that way as her as her base. Now, if you were to meet her, you would never say, "Oh, I think she's really anxious." Um because do doing our best and this is where we you know hold each other accountable and and do our best to help. Um we will try to monitor each other's behavior. Like if I'm angry the the way to not act angry at least if you look at some of the the literature um is to act as if uh which is like you can be angry what would somebody who's not angry at all how they act do that?

2:36>> Be angry but sin not. >> H >> be angry but sin not. >> Is that Yeah. Love it. like like don't act. >> I love how she thought of a Bible thing. I thought of a [laughter] joke in my head, dude. I was like watching them both deal with what they're dealing with. He's like, "Come on, what the hell happened with you, right? I should have thought about that. I should have thought about that. [laughter] I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU." AND THEN ROLL out the window. They're like, "Hey, it's cool." Yeah, >> that's cool. >> You were not angry. I'm not anger at all. >> No, but I definitely suffer from anger.

3:02But the thing is, I think it's been one of the hardest and they Albert Ellis talks about this in some of his books. Um, it's one of the hardest ones to beat. And of course, you know, with the ego, I'm like, it's the hardest one to crack. Um, because it serves you >> because you get a purpose out of it. >> You, well, one, you get tons of energy from it. Um, but two, like if, let's say, someone says something to me that I don't like. If I visibly show that I'm angry, they will stop doing that. And so, when that happens, I'm reinforced for being angry because people like, "Ah, he has a short fuse." But that also means it changes everyone else's behavior around me, so they don't piss me off.

3:34>> So, it serves me. And so, it's difficult. Whereas like everyone wants to get someone out of sadness. People prefer to get someone out of anger, but it's harder, [laughter] right? >> Yeah. But also, you're you're saying true things. A lot of people that are like people are scared to piss off are very successful people. Steve Jobs is one of them. People jump out of the elevator when he was in the elevator. >> And so he used punishment as a as his primary method of changing behavior. >> And so like you've got carrots and sticks fundamentally. That's what you've got.

4:01>> Carrots and sticks. >> Yeah. I can either make you feel bad for not doing something or make you feel good for doing it. >> So if I if carrots and stick no care like if uh I can give you an incentive for taking action or I can punish you for not taking action. >> Oh like cares >> if I want to get you to Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stick you with a stick or give you a carrot. Yeah. >> Do you think that's ever exhausting though? Like like feeling that anger like being in a place where it does so it does fuel you right to keep going and going more but isn't that exhausting in the way that there is no peace in that anger?

4:30>> Oh for sure. I mean, 100%. And I would say that like I'm I mean, Leila Laya will say this for me, so I'm just using her words. Um I'm much better now than I was, you know, when we met a decade ago. Um I actually used to see my anger as like a superpower as just like this is what gives me laser-like focus and endless energy. Um and I remember at one point talking to somebody and I was, you know, a mentor, whatever, and I said like, I like everything that this gives me except it feels like it burns dirty.

5:00It's like dirty fuel and I want to but I don't want to sacrifice what I'm doing, what I'm achieving. And so I'm not like I it's like I I I I want to change but like not too much. [laughter] Any chance saying this in a layer that came? >> I want to stop but I [laughter] can't. >> It's so good. >> Uh my buddy who was explaining I was explaining that I was going to be on the show with you. He said that you had this thing and he smiled. He goes, "Oh, I know you're not going to like this." And I was like, "What? What is it?" He says that you use past experiences as like fuel for you to burn at it.

5:35>> And that's why my first question for you is like, would you rather have peace? >> Or and when you answered that, I was like, wow, man. You literally just >> to me it's just I've never met anybody that just willingly looked at my face and said, "Yeah, no. I don't care about peace. I want what what there's this meme. Oh god, I wish somebody memes it. He's like, I want problems all the time." You watch. Well, I think most people would do that because if they actually wanted, they behave differently. There's just social norms around it that make it look like bad.

6:03But I again, I see money and power as potential energy. Like, as a pursuit in of themselves, I think they're completely meaningless and empty. But I think using them for good, I think, is a is a great thing. If you like this video and you're a business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million and three businesses past 100 million into a completely free scaling road map that I've used to go from 0 to 1, 0 to 10, and 0 to 100 plus. And so you can click here and you can check it out. Again, absolutely free.