Why Control Is the Opposite of Freedom

0:00You're very much somebody who >> [clears throat] >> you're very much somebody who likes to take things in charge. Were you would you say that you were a little bit of like a control freak when you were younger? Like you needed to like figure out something worked? >> No. >> And do you find it >> opposite. Probably. >> You like feel like you can like be hands-off and let things >> I have high standards. That's my job is to hold the standard. Um but no. Uh I also see control as the equal opposite of freedom.

0:28>> Mhm. And like we're strict to you guys. >> have if you want to have absolute control um you can't have like if you want to control every single thing in your business, then you're also controlled by your business. Like you will not be free unless a lot of entrepreneur not to get too far in a business, but like a lot of entrepreneurship is giving up control at different levels. So in the very beginning, you do everything. And so then you have to relinquish control on some things and give them to other people in order for you to rise up into the next thing.

0:55>> Yeah, I think that's what I struggle with. Um actually so funny I was something I was dealing with with Belle today. I think that I have a hard time letting go. >> Mhm. >> Um could you teach me how your brain adapted to holding the standard but not letting it control you? >> In clearly defining it. And so typically the where where problems happen is where you're like you get what I'm doing right. Okay, I need you to do it. Most people so to answer the original question which you guys do these things because of a higher purpose etc. My world view is that we do things because we've been rewarded for doing them.

1:32Period. And so >> if you stop getting rewarded for it? >> You stop doing it. >> Can I ask you I I always say can I ask you a question? I'm just going to stop saying that. If there's every question [clears throat] that I run into >> [laughter] >> Okay, so what happens if your wife stops doing that for you? >> If she stops what? >> Rewarding you in the ways that you she used to reward you with. Cuz time grows, everything changes.

1:55>> whatever things that I was doing that got reward would eventually go extinct. >> Do you feel like that could be catastrophic to the relationship? >> Totally. I think a lot of marriages suffer from that. I think lack of appreciation is like the number one reason people get divorced. >> Mhm. So, how would you how would you reframe that from happening when everything evolves? >> So, there's there's levels to this, right? So, >> By the way, I'm only asking you as a student.

2:22>> Oh, no. You're >> Not as like somebody who's >> I >> Got it. >> I love this. So, like I can talk as much as you want about this. >> So, we also create these rules. So, I'll zoom out. We have a personality. I define personality as um how we act in different situations. So, if you take the aggregate of every situation and how someone acted, you could derive you could derive their personality. We then, because I couldn't tell you every single situation, every single behavior, we then create labels that chunk up that behavior, and so we give a term, he's a control freak, he's a whatever, because it's easier to say that, and then the person who hears that has a series of behaviors associated with that one word, and then thinks, okay, I think I know what that person's talking about. And fundamentally, this is how language works. We bundle and unbundle terms. And so, I'll give a like a third-grade level one for the audience, um which is if you think about if I were to look at a 5-year-old and say, "Hey, get better at basketball."

3:15There's nothing they could do with that. You can't get better at basketball. I could then break it into, okay, you have to pass, you have to shoot, you have to dribble. Get better at, you know, passing, shooting, and dribbling. Even there, still kind of hard. Underneath of passing, I might say, "Okay, I want you to take your right foot, and I want you to step towards the person, and I want you to extend your elbows, and I want you to finish with your thumbs down, and leave your hands there, and have the ball go to the other person. If the person catches it in the motion that they're traveling, then you did a good pass."

3:46That is something that a 5-year-old can do. And then if I break down shooting, and I break down uh dribbling in in that in that way, then they're going to be able to have something that they can do and then in aggregate later, they'll be described as a good dribbler, a good shooter, a good passer, and then eventually a good basketball player. And so to your original question of how do I give this I'm I'm having trouble giving these these things up, it's more so having trouble defining what exactly you you think good is. What does good look like? How does this person know they did a good job? And a lot of times it's not one or two things, it's like 37 things.

4:19And so it's being very exhaustive in the details of what what we think good is so that we don't say do good job and then expect them to guess and get it right when we couldn't even define it for ourselves for them. If you like this video and you're business owner who wants to break through your current revenue ceiling, I distilled every lesson from scaling 10 businesses past 10 million and three businesses past 100 million into a completely free scaling roadmap that I've used to go from zero to one, zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And so you can click here and you can check it out.

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